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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to not leave DD and I for 3 days when I've got a rotten bout of Covid

183 replies

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 09:45

I've come down with Covid - a really nasty bout of it, I feel like death warmed up and can only just about get myself to the loo.

DH and I (along with a couple of friends who are helping out) were supposed to be doing something with our small business at a music festival this Friday evening - it's a really good opportunity for the business and there's no question he and they should still go ahead (DH is negative and well), but he is still planning on going this (Thursday) lunchtime to leisurely set up our tent (the one we were sleeping in, the tent we're doing the activity in is already set up), spending the evening and day at the festival and then staying after Friday's event until Sunday with the others. Essentially he's attending the festival from Thursday lunchtime to Sunday evening with about 3 hours of work to do on the Friday.

If it was just me at home I would be very much in favour of him being out of the house - other than getting me painkillers and Lemsip there's not much he can do for me. But 14 yr old DD will need ferrying around and looking after to an extent (she has ADHD so needs corralling into getting stuff done, organising herself etc.).

AIBU to expect him to just go on the day of the event and come home afterwards, or even the next day? The other 2 can stay as long as they want, they're not dependent on his presence.

I just feel like I wouldn't dream of leaving him for 3 days with DD if he was feeling as rotten as I am.

OP posts:
Peterpiperpickedapepper · 21/07/2022 10:06

I was going to say YANBU but then I read that your daughter is 14. Could she go with him to the festival in your place?

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:07

It's over 18s only unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:10

Just to add some context. We've had a couple of incidents at home with her leaving the gas hob on (both lit and unlit) recently when making herself food - so she does need more supervision than your average 14 yr old.

OP posts:
Seeline · 21/07/2022 10:13

What things will your DD actually miss?
I would've thought at 14, even with ASD, she would be able to sort most things with instruction.
If her ASD is more severe, then tell your DH not to go?

HelloAllll · 21/07/2022 10:15

I was going to agree he is being unreasonable until i read your child(teen) is 14

DenholmElliot1 · 21/07/2022 10:15

Yabu your DH is going on a one off event that will be really good for the business and your future income. A poorly mum and a 14 year old will just have to cope without him for 3 days.

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:19

DenholmElliot1 · 21/07/2022 10:15

Yabu your DH is going on a one off event that will be really good for the business and your future income. A poorly mum and a 14 year old will just have to cope without him for 3 days.

Nope, that's not what I wrote. He isn't going off for 3 days to do something good for the business. He's going for 3 hours.

OP posts:
fUNNYfACE36 · 21/07/2022 10:21

14? I thought you were going to say 3 or something

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:23

Is everyone purposely ignoring the fact that she has additional needs? We're not talking about your average, independent, risk aware kid here.

OP posts:
RubyandPearl · 21/07/2022 10:23

Sorry I think YABU. Its bad timing and I appreciate you're feeling pissed off about it but I don't think everyone should suffer because you are ill. Hope you feel better soon

MadeleineBassettHound · 21/07/2022 10:24

I would be happy for him to go in that situation.

Nanny0gg · 21/07/2022 10:24

He doesn't need to go for the whole time he's obviously wanting the social bit.

If he refuses to stay, get lots of ready meals in and sadly your dd will have to stay at home.

But I think he's being selfish

CuriousCatfish · 21/07/2022 10:24

Who was having your DD if you went with him?

RubyandPearl · 21/07/2022 10:25

Oh and I'm definitely not ignoring the fact your daughter has ADHD. Mine does too.

RedHelenB · 21/07/2022 10:25

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:10

Just to add some context. We've had a couple of incidents at home with her leaving the gas hob on (both lit and unlit) recently when making herself food - so she does need more supervision than your average 14 yr old.

An average 14 year old could do that. Yabu, just text her to remind her to switch things off.

Nanny0gg · 21/07/2022 10:25

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:23

Is everyone purposely ignoring the fact that she has additional needs? We're not talking about your average, independent, risk aware kid here.

No. They just never read the OP or further posts properly

Nanny0gg · 21/07/2022 10:26

RedHelenB · 21/07/2022 10:25

An average 14 year old could do that. Yabu, just text her to remind her to switch things off.

Show quote history

But she isn't average?

RubyandPearl · 21/07/2022 10:26

CuriousCatfish · 21/07/2022 10:24

Who was having your DD if you went with him?

Ooh yes good point!

MolliciousIntent · 21/07/2022 10:27

Well, you were originally going to go with him, so what was the plan for your DD then? Can't she still do that?

Seeline · 21/07/2022 10:28

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:23

Is everyone purposely ignoring the fact that she has additional needs? We're not talking about your average, independent, risk aware kid here.

No - I didn't ignore it, but only you and presumably your DH know how severe your DDs special needs are.

If you really think it would be dangerous to be left with her, then you tell your DH to stay home. You haven't actually said whether you have had a discussion with DH about the situation?

Annaritanna · 21/07/2022 10:28

What was the plan for DD if you were both going? Can she stick to the original plan?

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:29

CuriousCatfish · 21/07/2022 10:24

Who was having your DD if you went with him?

She was supposed to be visiting relatives this weekend but that won't happen now as I can't take her, she was supposed to go after school tomorrow so DH wouldn't be able to take her as it clashes with the event we're running and her relatives won't collect her. So she'll stay at home and ideally attend her usual weekend activity (which she can miss, of course, she was anyway, but not ideal as these activities are an outlet for her hyperactivity).

OP posts:
MandSStoreManager · 21/07/2022 10:29

CuriousCatfish · 21/07/2022 10:24

Who was having your DD if you went with him?

Great point!

Hbh17 · 21/07/2022 10:30

As a capable adult, am I the only person who would feel embarrassed to ask this of a partner? You feel a bit groggy, but that won't stop you supervising your child. Just let your husband get on with what he has to do - you'll probably feel much better in a day or two anyway.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 21/07/2022 10:30

She’s 14 and the fact that you’re on here posting very lucidly suggests you’re probably capable of supervising a 14 year old from the sofa and asking her if she’s switched the gas off, etc. If she can’t manage the bus, etc, to ferry herself around, she’ll be fine at home for a couple of days. It takes more effort to get a teenager out of their room than it does to get them to stay in there, I find.

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