To want DH to not leave DD and I for 3 days when I've got a rotten bout of Covid

[inigomontoyahwillcox]

I've come down with Covid - a really nasty bout of it, I feel like death warmed up and can only just about get myself to the loo.

DH and I (along with a couple of friends who are helping out) were supposed to be doing something with our small business at a music festival this Friday evening - it's a really good opportunity for the business and there's no question he and they should still go ahead (DH is negative and well), but he is still planning on going this (Thursday) lunchtime to leisurely set up our tent (the one we were sleeping in, the tent we're doing the activity in is already set up), spending the evening and day at the festival and then staying after Friday's event until Sunday with the others. Essentially he's attending the festival from Thursday lunchtime to Sunday evening with about 3 hours of work to do on the Friday.

If it was just me at home I would be very much in favour of him being out of the house - other than getting me painkillers and Lemsip there's not much he can do for me. But 14 yr old DD will need ferrying around and looking after to an extent (she has ADHD so needs corralling into getting stuff done, organising herself etc.).

AIBU to expect him to just go on the day of the event and come home afterwards, or even the next day? The other 2 can stay as long as they want, they're not dependent on his presence.

I just feel like I wouldn't dream of leaving him for 3 days with DD if he was feeling as rotten as I am.

I would expect him just to go for the work-related bit of the event, coming back on the Saturday morning perhaps, if there's a late night or lots of driving involved.

I was so ill with COVID and I got worse before I got better, so would have been worried about coping with another person to look after (I honestly couldn't have done it)

I think RedHelenB means that an average 14 year old is perfectly capable of leaving the gas on after cooking.

Lucid? Yes, the temperature has gone down to about 38 at present with paracetamol, it won't be there for long if the past 36 hrs are anything to go by! I've told you how I'll I am, and you're trying to downplay it? Why?

14? Even with additional needs that you've described, you are being really unreasonable. She's not a toddler who needs to be taken to the toilet etc

Very good point!

Your daughter is 14 so you YABU. I take into account that she has additional needs but don’t think something like leaving the hob on warrants so much supervision, any 14yr old could make that mistake. She won’t be in the house alone, you’ll be there as well and that should be enough, even if you’re under the weather.

Surely there's a compromise to be had where DH gets some of the social aspect but not all if you're still feeling unwell by Saturday?

Yes, as explained in my OP, think a compromise could work, i.e. come home the next day . But he's set on the 3 days.

I think YABU

At 14, even with additional needs she shouldn't need more than safety supervision. Order take out do she doesn't have to cook.
I thought you were talking about a toddler. I'd say any typical child over 6 would be able to entertain themselves with a parent, even if unwell in the house. I've had covid twice and felt rotten for two days but made really quick recovery on day 3 so hopefully it won't linger.

I'm sure you'll manage to stick a pizza in or order a takeaway. She's 14, it's fine.

I REALLY hope it won't linger - but looking at the covid threads on here most are saying they've been really unwell for quite a while.

I think you could manage but you just don’t really want him to go off enjoying himself while you’re ill ?
I think it’s a strange attitude . You’d prefer he stayed home caring for you and your daughter and resenting you ?

Order takeout, some simple ready meals she won't need an oven for - there are plenty of options. You can still be aware what's she's doing whilst resting in bed.
Is there really no one who can give her a lift to relatives? A taxi?
There are ways around this, it's a couple days.
YABU in my opinion.

I get it OP. My child is 13 with additional needs and would not be capable of taking care of herself if I was laid up in bed and fit for nothing. She wouldn't wash herself or feed herself and would still expect me to do bedtime.

I'd suggest you get DP to make up some food that she can just pop in the microwave or cold food that she can just take from the fridge and eat.

I don't think people are taking into account that ND kids are emotionally about a third younger than their chronological age and also, due to her ADHD, she will need an activity to burn off that excess energy but probably needs supervision when out and about.

When we had COVID, we literally shoved a pizza in the oven for the kids and made stuff like super noodles. We weren't fit for much else! They spent alot of time looking at screens for a few days.

Why does your DH think it's ok to go if you've said all this to him?

Plus, I think that he shouldn't be going on a jolly when you're feeling so rough.

could your relatives pick your daughter up?

It's 3 days. 3 and a 1/2 to be pedantic.

The relative is 2 hours away - I can't afford a 2 hr taxi!

As I said earlier - they can't.

Turn the gas off for 4 days?

Thank you so much for understanding.

I guess that's an option! But obviously that was 1 example to give some idea of the situation. There are many other things.

I think YABU (and I say this as a parent of a 15 year old with ASD & ADHD), ask DH to get some very simple foods in (picnic type food, micro burgers, bread for toast, cereal etc) so you DD doesn't even need to turn on the hob (my DC would be more then happy to live off this for a few days!

If you feel it's too much maybe ask him to come back saturday afternoon.

You sound like a lot of hard work tbh. So many people just have to crack on. How do you think single parents cope when they feel really ill? Unless you're dying, in which case get thee to the hospital, just get on the sofa and watch your kid 🤷‍♀️