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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to not leave DD and I for 3 days when I've got a rotten bout of Covid

183 replies

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 09:45

I've come down with Covid - a really nasty bout of it, I feel like death warmed up and can only just about get myself to the loo.

DH and I (along with a couple of friends who are helping out) were supposed to be doing something with our small business at a music festival this Friday evening - it's a really good opportunity for the business and there's no question he and they should still go ahead (DH is negative and well), but he is still planning on going this (Thursday) lunchtime to leisurely set up our tent (the one we were sleeping in, the tent we're doing the activity in is already set up), spending the evening and day at the festival and then staying after Friday's event until Sunday with the others. Essentially he's attending the festival from Thursday lunchtime to Sunday evening with about 3 hours of work to do on the Friday.

If it was just me at home I would be very much in favour of him being out of the house - other than getting me painkillers and Lemsip there's not much he can do for me. But 14 yr old DD will need ferrying around and looking after to an extent (she has ADHD so needs corralling into getting stuff done, organising herself etc.).

AIBU to expect him to just go on the day of the event and come home afterwards, or even the next day? The other 2 can stay as long as they want, they're not dependent on his presence.

I just feel like I wouldn't dream of leaving him for 3 days with DD if he was feeling as rotten as I am.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 21/07/2022 11:30

If the gas hob safety is a continuing issue them maybe look into getting an isolation switch? They are fitted in houses where one or more of the residents is not safe to use gas unsupervised......but yeah if you aren't intersted in other folks' opinions then why post in aibu?

Nocutenamesleft · 21/07/2022 11:33

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:23

Is everyone purposely ignoring the fact that she has additional needs? We're not talking about your average, independent, risk aware kid here.

I used to work in a very similar industry and whilst what my actual job was for 3 hours. I spent days and hours putting up rigging and taking it down etc….

I would let him go (I LOVED my job) and get someone to help you with DD. If you’re worried she will leave the hob on etc. you could get her to FaceTime you to show you? Etc
there’s many options to get around this.

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:33

godmum56 · 21/07/2022 11:30

If the gas hob safety is a continuing issue them maybe look into getting an isolation switch? They are fitted in houses where one or more of the residents is not safe to use gas unsupervised......but yeah if you aren't intersted in other folks' opinions then why post in aibu?

Never knew that. Will look into it, thanks.

Re. your other point ... did you read my post from 32 minutes ago?

OP posts:
Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:36

"I used to work in a very similar industry and whilst what my actual job was for 3 hours. I spent days and hours putting up rigging and taking it down etc…."

I've included the set up and down in the 3 hours - I'm trying not to be too outing by explaining the specific event, but it's along the lines of a talk/lecture.

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndMe · 21/07/2022 11:36

Gosh I'm sorry your struggling, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and I hope you feel better soon, covid is still a very scary and worrying thing to come down with..I was like you only just able to get to the loo..the next thing you know I was in intensive care needing help to breath..while my husband was at home nearly just as unwell trying to look after 3 children..it was one of the worse times..

Now I'm not saying this will happen to you but considering how poorly your currently feeling and your temp..I'd be having words asking your dh to come home asap. What would happen to your DD if you did need hospital? And how scary it would be for her.

Obviously if you just had a runny nose and head ache I'd say let him have his 3 days and you put your feet up and enjoy.. possible do some fun stuff with DD,

But it feels selfish on his part.
Anyways rant over I really just wanted to show that someone does support you..
This is why I don't comment often lol..
Take care and feel better soon 💐☕🤗

MolliciousIntent · 21/07/2022 11:36

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:03

Me. I was supposed to be taking her!

Show quote history

Can you not put her in a taxi? Even an ND 14yr old should be able to sit in the back of a prepaid car to a relative's house.

Crankley · 21/07/2022 11:43

If you are as ill as you say you are, I'm shocked at how you have the strength to rermain on this thread, arguing with those who disagree with you. Even when I had boring old flu, I couldn't lift my head from the pillow.

RedCardigan · 21/07/2022 11:43

Having just had covid, this current super strain it seems I’m on your side. He still needs to go for the business for the one day, but he needs to look after your DD (and you). People saying your DD should be fine are being total gaslighting arshole sorry.
without a well adult in the house when I had covid I would have had to genuinely farm any non independent children off for 2 days when I couldn’t get out of bed.

ZealAndArdour · 21/07/2022 11:44

I’d be moving heaven and earth to try and find a way to get DD to her relatives so your husband can have his festival and you can have the house to yourself for the weekend to rest and recuperate without needing to supervise your child at all.

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:44

@MolliciousIntent no, not possible as per my PP.

OP posts:
RedCardigan · 21/07/2022 11:45

Crankley · 21/07/2022 11:43

If you are as ill as you say you are, I'm shocked at how you have the strength to rermain on this thread, arguing with those who disagree with you. Even when I had boring old flu, I couldn't lift my head from the pillow.

I’ve still scrolled a phone and sent an odd message when properly ill post all out major surgery in hospital, only moments at a time but still possible and easier for me than talking.

LunchPoems · 21/07/2022 11:46

Get dh to take her to the relatives today.

Louise0701 · 21/07/2022 11:47

YABVU

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:48

Crankley · 21/07/2022 11:43

If you are as ill as you say you are, I'm shocked at how you have the strength to rermain on this thread, arguing with those who disagree with you. Even when I had boring old flu, I couldn't lift my head from the pillow.

I'm not lifting my head from the pillow. I currently have about a 2 hr window when my temp is a bit down and the pain has lessened slightly. The coughing and tight chest are stopping me from sleeping.

There can be something in between perfectly capable of supervising a ND child and on the verge of being admitted to ICU you know.

OP posts:
ThreeLocusts · 21/07/2022 11:48

Dear oh dear OP a lot of unsympathetic responses. I'm with you, under the circumstances I'd expect my DP to limit himself to the business relevant part of the outing and otherwise focus on keeping the teen entertained and allowing you to get better.

Ppl seem to have forgotten that even 'mild' covid can get pretty hellish and rest is important to get over it. Have all the nice mumsnetters taken a holiday from their phones? Or is the heat making people grouchy?

If your partner insists on doing the whole weekend, I'd not even try to get DD places but just let her pass the time in whatever way is least taxing on you w/out leaving her bored witless. I hope there's a way to do this.

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:49

Actually - I DID message from ICU when I had a massive pulmonary embolism a few years back - I even had a conversation with my solicitor (admittedly it was urgent and I wouldn't have done so given the choice).

OP posts:
SavvyJenks · 21/07/2022 11:51

Does he have form for skipping out during tough spots to just do what he wants? FWIW I'd expect him to want to return sharpish from the work bit to help but he seems more intent on using the business as an excuse for a jolly while you have COVID. Plans change, adults adapt to them and compromise especially when it's a family welfare issue, even if it's not what they want.

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:53

ThreeLocusts · 21/07/2022 11:48

Dear oh dear OP a lot of unsympathetic responses. I'm with you, under the circumstances I'd expect my DP to limit himself to the business relevant part of the outing and otherwise focus on keeping the teen entertained and allowing you to get better.

Ppl seem to have forgotten that even 'mild' covid can get pretty hellish and rest is important to get over it. Have all the nice mumsnetters taken a holiday from their phones? Or is the heat making people grouchy?

If your partner insists on doing the whole weekend, I'd not even try to get DD places but just let her pass the time in whatever way is least taxing on you w/out leaving her bored witless. I hope there's a way to do this.

Thankyou so much to you and those who have shown a little empathy. You've made me cry a little (not that it takes much at the moment).

OP posts:
Franca123 · 21/07/2022 11:54

Everyone i know who had covid was very ill for 24 to 48 hours. Chances are you'll be ok-ish tomorrow. Leaving the gas on once is much of an indicator that your daughter takes tonnes of hard work like a 3 year old might for example. Honestly, I think you're being ridiculous. I wouldn't cancel my plans for this. Misery loves company.

AMindNeedsBooks · 21/07/2022 11:56

inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 10:23

Is everyone purposely ignoring the fact that she has additional needs? We're not talking about your average, independent, risk aware kid here.

I have an older ASN teen and she's burned herself even trying to use the kettle. Most she can prepare for herself is a sandwich and even at that she generally puts far too much butter on so it's basically inedible. YANBU.

Original poster
inigomontoyahwillcox · 21/07/2022 11:56

SavvyJenks · 21/07/2022 11:51

Does he have form for skipping out during tough spots to just do what he wants? FWIW I'd expect him to want to return sharpish from the work bit to help but he seems more intent on using the business as an excuse for a jolly while you have COVID. Plans change, adults adapt to them and compromise especially when it's a family welfare issue, even if it's not what they want.

He does have form for prioritising his social activities over the needs of his family. And also minimising how ill people are (e.g. he thought I was just having a panic attack and wouldn't call an ambulance for me when I was having aforementioned pulmonary embolism - turns out I was circling the drain).

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 21/07/2022 11:57

YABU.

you say you are ill but if you were that ill you wouldn’t be on here.

people with adhd do not need the same level of supervision as a toddler - if this is the case then you need further investigations. Also the world doesn’t revolve around her - let your husband go and enjoy himself.

just because your plans are ruined why on Earth would you ruin his?

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 21/07/2022 11:58

I would move to downstairs, set up on the couch with everything you need. Teen can slob about with you, takeaways etc and relax in front of TV. Alternatively your DH drops her off at relatives a day early.

AMindNeedsBooks · 21/07/2022 11:58

Oh, and I hope you feel better soon! Flowers

Rinatinabina · 21/07/2022 11:59

I had a toddler by myself while throwing up (a lot) with COVID (this one likes running around like a maniac so not fun) so I think maybe yes you probably could manage unless her needs are quite extreme. She can cook for herself so is self sufficient to an extent.

HOWEVER you do actually have another parent who could just go and come back to let you rest and I don’t think you are unreasonable for expecting your DH to cut the trip short to come home and take care of stuff. It’s horrible having to care for someone else when you are really ill yourself, I do sympathise with that.

Best thing to do is try to figure out how to get DD to relatives