To want DH to not leave DD and I for 3 days when I've got a rotten bout of Covid

[inigomontoyahwillcox]

I've come down with Covid - a really nasty bout of it, I feel like death warmed up and can only just about get myself to the loo.

DH and I (along with a couple of friends who are helping out) were supposed to be doing something with our small business at a music festival this Friday evening - it's a really good opportunity for the business and there's no question he and they should still go ahead (DH is negative and well), but he is still planning on going this (Thursday) lunchtime to leisurely set up our tent (the one we were sleeping in, the tent we're doing the activity in is already set up), spending the evening and day at the festival and then staying after Friday's event until Sunday with the others. Essentially he's attending the festival from Thursday lunchtime to Sunday evening with about 3 hours of work to do on the Friday.

If it was just me at home I would be very much in favour of him being out of the house - other than getting me painkillers and Lemsip there's not much he can do for me. But 14 yr old DD will need ferrying around and looking after to an extent (she has ADHD so needs corralling into getting stuff done, organising herself etc.).

AIBU to expect him to just go on the day of the event and come home afterwards, or even the next day? The other 2 can stay as long as they want, they're not dependent on his presence.

I just feel like I wouldn't dream of leaving him for 3 days with DD if he was feeling as rotten as I am.

But Covid is vicious for some. People are still being hospitalised with it. I have no idea whether OP is one of the few who get badly affected, and neither do you. So when she says she's very ill with it, why are you assuming she's lying?

A 14 year old doesn't need to be supervised by two adults, but she does need to be supervised by one. OP is ill, but luckily there's a second adult who has equal responsibility for her care...

If it is only two hours away - i would just get your partner to take her to the place (who were looking after her for 3.5 days originally) a day earlier than planned or en-route to the festival.

You can then have a nice, relaxing weekend by yourself.

If all else fails, just carry on dosing yourself up as your sound very lucid at the moment so i assume you could have this type of conversation with your daughter too.

Hope you feel better.

YANBU OP.

Some really horrible, unsympathetic minimising posts here - the usual covid is mild, a little sniffle, you can't be on your phone if that ill yada yada. I've been ill for two weeks now with covid and managed to post on MN in some of the most painful times, not a lot but I could do it, lying down, head in pillow, just about managing to type a few words but there was no way I could look after myself. My DH looked after me and if this was him he would only go for the work bit. I'm sorry your DH is being so unsympathetic and selfish.

Awful to see so many comments without understanding of a teen with SN too. I've been there OP.

Really hope you start to feel better soon. It can be really, really vicious.

Don’t let him turn this on you and make you feel guilty.

As soon as he knew you were unwell he should have looked for ways he could make your life easier and support you. It’s not about ‘spoiling his fun’; it’s about reasonable, caring partners putting family at the top of their priorities. The fact that you were the one still trying to sort out work-arounds with the relatives so he didn’t have to make any allowances says it all.

I have no idea why you’re getting such a hard time on here

Obviously you know how much supervision your daughter needs better than strangers on the internet. If you’re too poorly to look after her, your husband needs to step up.

I hope you feel better soon.

Haven't read whole thread. Get a takeaway so she doesn't have to cook. Stock up on sandwiches and picnic foods. Hope u feel better soon. I had it earlier this year, was awful

In a nutshell.

God help you OP.

A selfish twit for a partner and then posting on AIBU.

Feeling so miserable and sick that all you want to do is roll over and stop having to think about anything or anyone. You poor pet.

I am a hardy soul and had it several months ago, I couldn't care if my children were fed or got to school, I was so wiped out.

Fortunately my husband who isn't a selfish prick took over.

He fed them..... What? I don't know nor care.

I can well understand the gas thing.

My 18 year old took a call and wandered off while frying rashers🙄.....it was the smell of burning that alerted me, not them🙄.

So it can very easily happen.

How you are treated when you are ill tells you a lot.

Away to fxxk with his guilting you, for taking care of his own child when you are not able.

You mind yourself and have a think about what you do for him, because I would be majorly pulling back after his behaviour.

I think Covid has been a wake up call for many.
A partner not being kind when you are ill is a major red flag.

I hope you feel better soon.
Remember to drink as much water as you can.

YABU, she's 14

A 14 year old, albeit one with ADHD, needs very light touch supervision.

Realistically your DH has to be there today and tomorrow to set up and do his thing. The days he could cancel would be Saturday, Sunday, but by then its highly likely that you will be feeling much better than you currently do, and won't need his help at all.

All you need to do is simply tell your DD not to cook anything, and use Deliveroo etc to get food delivered or do an online grocery shop for things that don't need cooking (fruit, cheeses, sausage rolls, quiche, salad, fresh bread, cold meats, scotch eggs, yoghurts etc).

Neither DH nor I would expect each other to cancel a fun activity unless we absolutely could not manage without them and it was essential that they stayed home because it would be impossible without them. Looking after a 14 year old with ASD whilst you have a respiratory infection doesn't really fall into that camp.

It sounds like a really good opportunity for your DH to do some networking and form relationships that could be very helpful for your business in future.

I don't know your DD but presumably your DH does and he thinks she'll be OK with you.

UABU. She's 14. And you will be there. I'm
Sure at 14 she doesn't need you to hold her hand through every daily task.

Parent of an older teen with ADHD here.

Yanbu

I read generally that children with ADHD are roughly a 1/3 behind their peers in terms of maturity.

Mine will leave keys in front door, leave windows wide open, leave hob rings on, forget things that then need to be taken to them urgently for school etc. They need help remembering what to do, where to go, planning etc. They need their food preparing for them or the easiest things to grab as multiple steps are beyond them.

I left them for a few days with what I thought was a sensible friend staying over and we came home to a sink full of dirty plates, underneath was a dead mouse floating in the filthy water. They don't like the sound and feel of scraping dirty plates.

The responses here demonstrate how many people don't really understand or appreciate how much harder it is to parent a neurodivergent child.

If you're very ill and not able to give them the care they need - your partner only has 3 hours work, so they can easily do parenting afterwards whilst you recover.

When I had covid, I had a 7 month old and a 28 month old to look after by myself. We all survived.

Ah crap that the relatives don't want to take your daughter, but understandable really. Only one thing for it, knock up some fake ID and send your daughter with husband to festival.

Joking aside, not unreasonable to expect your husband to compromise and it looks like he has, ignore the guilt trip. You could always say that if you're feeling better you'll let him know and he can stay later.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

No I wouldn’t want to ruin DH having a break and some fun just because I’m sick. Get him to take DD to the relative or set yourself up on the couch with the TV and a food delivery account for you and DD

"I don't know your DD but presumably your DH does and he thinks she'll be OK with you."

The husband has form for ignoring his wife's illnesses. He wouldn't call an ambulance for his wife when she said she needed treatment. I'm not convinced he has the best judgement of his wife's health

It's total crap that he didn't even suggest altering his plans a fraction to help out if required.

Of course the Op might be feeling a lot better in which case he can stay at the festival.

Ignore the guilt treatment.

Can the relatives still have your daughter for tht 3 days, get dh to drop off before he goes to the event. Then you've got a weekend in bed.

This

Can you not just set yourself up downstairs?? Cover and pillows on settee for during the day and if your dd needs any help you’re there downstairs and can help and guide if needed. I know it’s a pain in the arse but if it’s good for business it’s just 3 days. If it was a child under 10 then I’d be unhappy but hopefully your dd will be able to help out a bit. Hope you feel better x

Op I understand. Before I had dc with asd and adhd I had no idea of the complex range of issues with them. Dd1, with autism and adhd, is fairly independent but in the past she has made guests cold tea because she forgot to put the kettle on, left the gas on, left the front door open. When I had Covid (I’m a single mum) I ordered takeaways and had her make sandwiches and cut fruit / veg sticks. Her sister, who only has autism and pda, is ridiculously impulsive and the other day I found her using a sharp knife to cut carrots to feed squirrels. I don’t think people with neurotypical kids realise that sometimes you have to be on top form the whole time to make sure they’re not harming themselves.

Don't know why so many people are being so unsympathetic, I really don't think you are being unreasonable, I can't think why on earth your husband would even want to leave you so long in such circumstances...hope you feel better soon.

Oh goody, a game of 'Toughest Survivor Top Trumps'...

...can anyone beat this champ?!

With ADHD difficulties organising yourself can often mean needing prompting to do all the steps in a task not just do the task

e.g. Not just do your teeth, have a shower, get dressed but “now you need to wash you hair, then your legs.” And often it’s repeated prompting.

@Aprilx Projecting much? Did you even read her posts? She literally said she was really sick and barely able to get out of bed. Have you never in your life had the flu or something?