AIBU to want dd to learn to drive?

[Flamingoose]

Dd is now old enough to learn to drive.

I mentioned getting her a provisional licence and a few lessons, putting her on the family car insurance etc, and she was not keen at all. I agree that learning to drive isn't everyone's idea of fun, but it's just something you do, isn't it?

I got the forms and have been reminding dd that we ought to get going with it. She is now pushing back more than I realised. She absolutely DOES NOT want to learn to drive. Her reasons are: Only old people think cars and driving are important. Her generation won't drive. She intends only ever to live in big cities anyway. Her aunty doesn't drive so not everyone has to drive.

I realise I definitely was unreasonable to push blithely onward with this and not acknowledge her genuine objections. No debate about that. I've apologised and we've had a good chat.

BUT... I still think you just have to learn to drive. Who knows what life has in store - being able to drive is non-negotiable. I do have friends and relatives who can't / won't drive and it's a pain. Genuine question: AIBU? I'm starting to doubt myself.

We learnt in middle age only because we were leaving London, my mum never drove either, big users of public transport, never even used cabs, night buses home from central London, no tubes in my area in those days

If we had stayed I wouldnt have bothered.

That's all very well but isn't it the younger drivers more at risk of causing accidents? Driving is dangerous and scary and brains aren't fully developed until our 20s. I think placing the responsibility of driving onto someone still considered a minor as under 18 is a risk factor worth considering.

I'm sure I read over the years about potential plans or possible plans of restricted licenses fir safety reasons. Fir example not taking passengers under a certain age.

This nonsense needs to stop, clearly. If she refuses to drive, that doesn't mean you become her defacto taxi. She had best become very familiar with public transport. Stop enabling her laziness.

Both of my children had their license at 17. I consider driving an essential life skill, no matter where you live.

I guess it is fine if she doesn't want to learn to drive, as long as she doesn't expect you to drop everything and give her lifts when she wants one!

She seems to not be keen on anything that requires any effort on her part....

@Whatwouldscullydo most new drivers are at higher risk of accidents. Because they are also likely to be young age is a confounding factor.
Countries which have restrictions do so based on experience and not age IIRC

DS started driving at 17 did theory test wasn't keen. Went to university didn't need a car, covid hit his theory ran out resat still not keen. He's now realised at 21 university behind him he needs to drive when he's home rural Wales. He can walk bus if he gets a job in a city.

Leave her be it's taken four years for the penny to drop with DS he'll never enjoy driving I suspect

Between being young and being new and of course depending on what the car she will be driving is, insurance cost could make it a costly scenario. Given under 25s get paid less , its worth working out of the costs of lifts and/or public transport is actually cheaper. Even if she gets her own car, depending on the age running it once the car reaches the " work costs more than you'd ever get for it stage" could make working almost pointless.

Plus not being funny but some work places , once they catch wind you drive , we'll you'd be the first on thr list to call when someone's sick or they want someone in at short notice. And unless it's decent length of a shift then frankly between parking, and fuel costs the first 1 hour or so is basically working for free.

My monthly bus ticket for me and a child used to come to 125 pounds. I could get on the bus several times a day fir that. It certainly costs me more than 125 a month in petrol.

No. Unfortunately, she requires lifts al the time and it's not just her, but her friends as well! We have a pony on a livery yard which is about 30mins drive (without traffic) or 2 bus rides (about an hour) away but she ALWAYS wants a lift there and back. Sometimes I have to go back and forth between our house and the yard several times a day (six times back and forth was a recent low point). She rides every day. And her friends often require drop offs or pick ups that my daughter always agrees I will do (without first asking me!!)

Anyway, I'm counting the days until she is old enough to drive and I will gift her my car, so she can drive herself and her mates wherever she wants.

You're all right about not being able to force someone to do something if they're determined not to. But we have a pretty good relationship and I think she'll be open to seeing my point of view that she can't have it both ways (now I've managed to articulate my thoughts in this thread!) She's a good kid and conscientious about doing the right thing / planning ahead usually. It's quite out of character for her to be so set against something which is why it caught me by surprise I think.

Is it not perfectly obvious that of course she doesn't want to learn when she's got her own personal chauffeur! Why has it not occurred to you that the two things are related!

But presumably you agreed to that? You could absolutely say no. If you agreed to it then tbh you cant whinge about it can you. You totally could send her on the bus

This.

Adults who don't drive have a screw loose in my book (unless it's for medical reasons).

I had my first lesson on my 17th birthday, for where I lived growing up you pretty much needed to. Where I live now, you absolutely have to.

For me it's a necessary life skill.

Don't force the issue, if you do she's likely to dig her heels in even more.

🙄

You can encourage her/want her to drive if you are prepared to pay for all her lessons and tests @Flamingoose

But even then, she has the right to say no.

If she doesn't want to drive, good for her. Tell her to crack on.

Also, get her a bus timetable, because non-drivers don't get to ride on the coattails of drivers, and the associated expenses of fuel etc.

Presumably she's got two legs and can walk or cycle wherever she wants to go?

I wouldn't continue being her taxi service if that's her view on learning to drive, she can start walking/cycling everywhere instead like her brother does.
For me and my DDs, we live in a rural area, there are some buses but not many and nothing after about 8. 3 railway stations all a few miles away. I started lessons as soon as I was 17 but it took me a year to pass. Elder DD wanted to carry on being a princess with me as her chauffeur. Younger DD was learning as soon as she could get a slot with the instructor and actually passed before the older one, which really spurred the older one on to knuckle down and pass her tests.

If she really doesn't want to drive that's fine, it's her choice, but not if she's always trying to scrounge a lift instead of making her own way there.

I wasn’t that keen as a teenager and my parents were also really kind with lifts. My dad heavily encouraged me to do it and he never applied pressure on me for anything else (school work etc). I’m SO glad he did! I still don’t enjoy driving and I avoid long distances If I can (pathetic I know) but it’s great to be independent and not rely on others. Driving is freedom if you don’t live in the centre of a major city. Even if you do then it’s nice to leave on holiday sometimes.

I remember being in the car with my dad when I was 13 and him making the comment 'in a few years you'll be able to drive there yourself'. I didn't say anything but inside I was thinking 'no, I won't'. I don't know why I thought that.

For my 17th birthday my parents got me driving lessons. I didn't want them or ask for them. I failed my test and I remember thinking 'thank goodness that's over'.

I've never driven since and am now in my early 40s. It makes me angry when my mum tries to force me to learn (even now it is mentioned once a year at least). It's obviously really important to her. It's not to me.

It may or may not be important to your daughter in the future but nagging at her will not change that.

Well, it's true. It's part of being an adult. As much as people claim to love public transport, having a car and being able to get somewhere without having to change 4 times on sweaty hot bus/tube/train standing like sardines next to strangers makes life much more pleasant. Why would an adult not want the freedom and independence of just jumping in a car and going somewhere without looking at the (usually unreliable) bus/train service and waiting for ages at a bus stop?

That is not fair. There are people who have really wanted to drive, but for whatever reason, do not pass their test... multiple times. Hell, there has been television series made about just those people.

This

Because break downs , tailgaters, pedestrians with a death wish, twatish parkers, etc are a barrel of laughs.

If you prefer driving then great. Personally I use the bus still quite alot where I can because I have a stop across the road and a train station in walking distance and I can get most places with the stress of traffic jams amd Road works being the bus drivers problem not mine. Plus I work.on a "use it or lose it" train of thought. And I still walk alot because I didn't want to become one of those people who now I have a car drives to the local store when its a 5 minute walk away.