Just seen a guy I am seeing holding hands with another girl

[Topcat9876]

First time poster.
Long time lurker.
need a bit of a hand hold really.

I am 35 year old never married and childess woman

just as the subject says really
met a guy on Bumble in April - great dates and chat and was due to see him again this week. We slept together after a couple of months.

I just tested positive for covid and had to come to wfh early - I work in health care so in work 12 hour shifts until at least 7/8. He stays quite close to me. I drove home at 2pm. As I drove up my road To home I seen him and he was holding hands with a woman. He seen me (he knows my car) and he just had a blank expression on his face.

obviously I will never be meeting up with him again but AIBU to just block him or should I say something? What a waste of time. Feel stupid being upset and having a little cry.

I am at the stage of giving up humiliating myself by even trying to date. I always seem to be a second choice or a comedy shag for men.

How sure are you that he saw you? I know you mention about seeing your car, but I wouldn't recognise many people's car as they went past.

I'd send him a short final message then block him straight after.

I'd want to know what he had to say for himself but I'd be waiting for him to make contact first.

He looked straight at me and then my car
he knows my car as its quite recognisable (not many around) - and he has also driven it a couple of times. It was also on my street
i am fairly certain he seen me

Block delete move on lovely lady, You don;t need to be second guessing anyone,

I would speak to him and then block.

He's a rat up a drain pipe.

I'd want to hear his story too.

I also wouldn't be sure he saw you. It's really hard to see/recognise the driver of a car.

How well do you know him? Do you know its not a relative or were they whispering sweet nothings?

Just move on.

I drive a bright coloured convertible - in the heat the roof was down - he would not have missed me

he only has a brother who lives in France - it definately was a partner and from the body language I could tell it seemed like a long term one (very comfortable with each other - not giddy but deeply relaxed with each others company)

Are you exclusive? Did he lead you to believe you were exclusive? Holding hands isn't necessarily romantic either, depending on the context. I'd rarely hold hands with a friend in normal circumstances but if they were upset, in pain, etc then I might.

What the hell was he doing holding hands with another woman on your street? Even if you hadn’t seen him, the chances of it getting back to you were surely high?

So sorry, OP, what a bastard.

I would maybe send a msg saying ‘any explanation or apology before I block you?’ Leave it an hour and then block.

Don’t get into any discussion with him, though.

So sorry he turned out to be a loser but at least now you know not to waste any more time on him. Just block him and move on - there are lots of good guys out there but sometimes you just have to kiss a few frogs first.

I’m sorry this happened. I prefer the approach of not wasting the breath on them by saying anything; it never makes much difference and the high road feels better

Please stop minimising the OP's concerns or making excuses. This "partner" sounds dodgy.

I'm sorry this has happened to you @Topcat9876. It sounds like he needs to go.

I’m sorry. It’s really tough in the dating world but don’t give up hope. Keep your standards high, this guy was not the right one for you and thank goodness you found out now.

I dont think you need to say anything, wait for him to say anything, or block him. Just disregard and move on. This gives you the high moral ground.

It's better to know.

Block him and move on, even though it hurts.

It doesn’t work like this - if you are dating other people you don’t just not mention it and expect the other person to know. You specifically say ‘yes I’d love to date you, I do have another girlfriend if that’s a problem?’

This sounds horrible op. There’s no advice really is there, nothing makes you feel better after something like this. Just be relieved you saw him at least - god knows how long he’d have pulled you along!

I would NOT contact him. Nothing to be gained from it. He's a dick. I wonder, though, if you're 'the other woman' and if the lady he was with has any idea he's on bumble. If there's any way of letting her know, I'd do it.

He never explicity said that we were in an exclusive relationship no

I thought the dating, messaging, video calls and future plans - as well as the date for this week were assurance enough - but this is 2022 and obviously if I did not have that specific exclusive talk I cannot expect much more can I.

🙈

Oh how awful to find out like that. Some people would want to call him out but personally I'd say he's not worth the effort and block, depends how you feel.

Firstly so sorry you are going through that mustve been such a shock!
I do agree with other posters I would be asking his explanation before blocking!

Argh that must have been such a stomach lurch moment

Ugh something kind of similar happened to me ten years ago. An ex and I had been back together for a week when I was driving through town and saw him with a girl I'd been suspicious about..

He looked right at me and when I got home I told him never to contact me again. He tried to say it wasn't what I thought! 2 years later found my loving boyfriend. Just move on op, maybe send a last message if it will help get it off your chest.

This is what I think 100%
He was an elusive bumble user - always silencing his profile etc

He was also quick to get me off the app - giving me his number and asking me out immediately. Hindsight is a wonderful thing

I don’t think I’d even bother blocking him just move on.

If he does the decent thing and messages you (which I’m shocked he hasn’t) then you can have it out with him then if you want to but I wouldn’t waste energy messaging him first.