Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just seen a guy I am seeing holding hands with another girl

293 replies

Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 18:14

First time poster.
Long time lurker.
need a bit of a hand hold really.

I am 35 year old never married and childess woman

just as the subject says really
met a guy on Bumble in April - great dates and chat and was due to see him again this week. We slept together after a couple of months.

I just tested positive for covid and had to come to wfh early - I work in health care so in work 12 hour shifts until at least 7/8. He stays quite close to me. I drove home at 2pm. As I drove up my road To home I seen him and he was holding hands with a woman. He seen me (he knows my car) and he just had a blank expression on his face.

obviously I will never be meeting up with him again but AIBU to just block him or should I say something? What a waste of time. Feel stupid being upset and having a little cry.

I am at the stage of giving up humiliating myself by even trying to date. I always seem to be a second choice or a comedy shag for men.

OP posts:
pimlicoanna · 18/07/2022 19:24

Don't massage his ego by contacting him. Block and move on

StaunchMomma · 18/07/2022 19:33

I'd assume it was his wife, OP - especially now you've said he used to shut down his Bumble account intermittently.

You can 100% do better,.x.

Original poster
Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 19:39

StaunchMomma · 18/07/2022 19:33

I'd assume it was his wife, OP - especially now you've said he used to shut down his Bumble account intermittently.

You can 100% do better,.x.

Do you know its weird you said that - because I could tell it was a 'long term' partner with how they walked beside each other. Not sure if wife but not a new fling / new relationship. They looked very comfortable together

People might think I am mad for thinking you can tell that from just a glance at a couple walking 😅😂

OP posts:
Hatsoff5 · 18/07/2022 19:43

Gosh there always one. OP you know in your gut that a man and a woman holding hands means!

Don't block him. Take your time gather yourself and tell me him you expected better! I think it's the end Tosser he is!

RealBecca · 18/07/2022 19:43

Well, how much time do you want to waste? Block so you arent thinking about whether that next message is from him.

Youre allowed to tell someone that you date one person at a time and if that isnt what they are looking for you dont want to meet. If that's what you want.

StaunchMomma · 18/07/2022 19:46

Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 19:39

Do you know its weird you said that - because I could tell it was a 'long term' partner with how they walked beside each other. Not sure if wife but not a new fling / new relationship. They looked very comfortable together

People might think I am mad for thinking you can tell that from just a glance at a couple walking 😅😂

Show quote history

These dating sites are rife with married men, that's what made me think it.

Either way, he's an idiot!

Onwards & upwards, lovely.x.

Megapint · 18/07/2022 19:52

It sounds like you are casually dating & not actually in a relationship. If that's not what you're looking for then yep sack him off.

champagnetruffleshuffle · 18/07/2022 19:54

How awful for you. I agree, just ignore him completely, I can't imagine he'll have anything to say that you'll want to hear. I'd get back on Bumble, it'll give him the message loud and clear when he sees your profile is back!

No2incoming · 18/07/2022 19:56

Have you heard from him since you saw him? Has he text or anything?

MsMcGonagall · 18/07/2022 19:58

You poor thing OP what a shock.

I know I'm out of date but my goodness, if I was sleeping with someone I'd damn well expect that they weren't seeing anyone else. what has the world come to. Don't blame yourself oP for not having some exclusivity chat. This guy is not behaving well.

ManateeFair · 18/07/2022 20:15

It is never unreasonable to block someone if you want to. You owe him absolutely nothing so just block the shit out of him and move on.

Original poster
Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 20:27

No2incoming · 18/07/2022 19:56

Have you heard from him since you saw him? Has he text or anything?

Nope
Why would he?

OP posts:
DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 18/07/2022 20:31

You speak about yourself so negatively OP.

You haven't been an idiot, or a fool, or nieve, or anything like that.

You are not a 'never been married, childless woman'

You're single and have no kids and just haven't met the right person yet.

He is the dickhead in this situation.

You sound like a lovely person. don't let this knock your self esteem, cos he is the Cockend and you have done absolutely nothing wrong here.

premiumbudget · 18/07/2022 20:34

Would you usually have heard from him by now?

He knows he's been busted but why shit so close to his own doorstep.

NewStart2131 · 18/07/2022 20:34

You aren’t going to get the response you want, he will literally deny it or makeup some bullshit lie.
block delete and move on.
then follow lalalaletmexplain on Instagram, she’s amazing at helping you see the red flags

No2incoming · 18/07/2022 20:36

I would have thought maybe he might text with excuses or pretend it wasn't him.. anything really. Sad would you usually have heard from him by now? He sounds like a dick and you've had a lucky escape.

Original poster
Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 20:40

No2incoming · 18/07/2022 20:36

I would have thought maybe he might text with excuses or pretend it wasn't him.. anything really. Sad would you usually have heard from him by now? He sounds like a dick and you've had a lucky escape.

He probably wont even have the energy for that - would be too much hassle for him. He has got his long term partner and gotten away with it. Dont even think I would be worth it to him making up excuses

OP posts:
Original poster
Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 20:41

NewStart2131 · 18/07/2022 20:34

You aren’t going to get the response you want, he will literally deny it or makeup some bullshit lie.
block delete and move on.
then follow lalalaletmexplain on Instagram, she’s amazing at helping you see the red flags

Already follow her and have listened to her audiobook three times 😂 she is amazing

OP posts:
Original poster
Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 20:42

premiumbudget · 18/07/2022 20:34

Would you usually have heard from him by now?

He knows he's been busted but why shit so close to his own doorstep.

Guess he thought I would be at work. It was amazing how much ick I got from seeing him with her - any attraction I felt went out the window. I was like 'did he always walk so straight' 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 20:43

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 18/07/2022 20:31

You speak about yourself so negatively OP.

You haven't been an idiot, or a fool, or nieve, or anything like that.

You are not a 'never been married, childless woman'

You're single and have no kids and just haven't met the right person yet.

He is the dickhead in this situation.

You sound like a lovely person. don't let this knock your self esteem, cos he is the Cockend and you have done absolutely nothing wrong here.

Thank you 💐 you are so kind 💐💐💐

OP posts:
Bc155 · 18/07/2022 20:44

What, in your heart, do you really want to do? Only you know what will bring you peace about this. Know that he is not worth your peace of mind.

And, consider reframing how you characterize yourself. 'Childless woman' suggests to me that maybe you have established some standard for yourself that leaves you wanting. A great as children are, they cannot consume your entire identity. Present or not. Good luck !

premiumbudget · 18/07/2022 20:44

Did you go to local places when you were together as that is a risk for him being seen with you? Or did you go further afield or stay in at yours?

GG1986 · 18/07/2022 20:47

See if he contacts you in the next day or two, do NOT contact him! If he doesn't bother, then block and move on. Hope you are ok x

Original poster
Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 20:48

premiumbudget · 18/07/2022 20:44

Did you go to local places when you were together as that is a risk for him being seen with you? Or did you go further afield or stay in at yours?

Yes BUT he has a job in Amsterdam - he goes between London and there. I suspect he could get away with dating here if she is not around. I had asked last night what day would suit to meet up this week and he had not confirmed it. Obviously now entirely clear why. Hindsight is a wonderful thing

OP posts:
SherbertLemonDrop · 18/07/2022 20:49

What an idiot. You are too good for him. I once bumped in to my boyfriend in a local shop. We had not been dating long and I walked in, see him so hugged him. He walked out the shop so I got my things and went to talk to him outside. This girl was also in the shop but came out after us and he said she was a friend and they were in a hurry helping another friend so as she walked out he said bye to me and they walked off. I did think it was odd but, you know, I was young and dumb. When we finally broke up he delighted in telling me she was his girlfriend at the time and he only dumped her when we moved in together. She never told me even when she realised he moved his belongings out of her home and straight into mine.

Swipe left for the next trending thread