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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite- what should I do?

484 replies

Daisy0530 · 17/07/2022 01:47

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

OP posts:
Player001 · 17/07/2022 01:55

Why would you need to stay in the hotel? I would love hours of alone time exploring time in a new place. Seeing what I want to see without having to compromise. Then capped off by a celebration with free food and drink? Sounds pretty good to me.

Do not under any circumstances ask your boyfriend to talk to his friend. Please don't be that person. It's their wedding and there will be a reason for the way they are doing things.

savethatkitty · 17/07/2022 01:57

I'd politely decline

Tinybathroomideas · 17/07/2022 02:00

Completely agree with @Player001 !! Don’t be that person @Daisy0530 !

I don’t really see the issue at all! You get a day to yourself to have a wander in the city and time to pamper yourself ready for the evening reception! Why not find a hairdresser in the city and treat yourself to getting your hair done for the wedding? Or your nails or make up done? Then just head to the evening do and meet your partner there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aquamarine1029 · 17/07/2022 02:00

You can't manage to be on your own for 7 or 8 hours? That's a problem?

Yodaisawally · 17/07/2022 02:01

You decline, BF goes to the whole thing. You've never met them so it really doesn't matter to you.

BasiliskStare · 17/07/2022 02:01

Honestly I would go and have a lovely day in the city ( could you say where it is - people will have suggestions ) and then get ready for the evening do and enjoy it. Or don't go - I personally wouldn't get DP to have a word to get you invited to the whole thing. I would take the invitation you have been given and take it or not. Not sure what drama arguments there would be.

HeddaGarbled · 17/07/2022 02:02

I wouldn’t go.

You could go separately so you don’t have to hang around for hours if you wanted to, but I wouldn’t bother.

ANUsernam · 17/07/2022 02:04

The one thing that should NOT happen is your boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it. You've had the invitation to angle of otherwise to be invited to the while thing would be rude.

I would take it as a nice thing they've done - inviting you to the evening in spite of never having met you, and that that is recognition of your status as an established couple, but equally recognise that especially as an evening only invite there's no obligation to attend.

Do you want to go/ your boyfriend want you to go? If yes, then go, I'm not sure why 7/8 hours alone in a city you're unfamiliar with is a problem, do you never travel anywhere on your own? Surely you can entertain yourself either exploring the city or relaxing at the hotel? Alternatively can you travel there separately later and just meet your bf in the evening? Or are there any other couples in similar situations where you could meet up with the evening invite only people and go out for lunch together or something?

If you really don't want to go, then it's fine to just politely decline and claim a prior commitment or something. Though of course you would be missing an opportunity to actually finally meet his friends.

BritWifeInUSA · 17/07/2022 02:08

You’re worried about being alone in a city an hour away from where you live? Have you not been there before? Some people drive further to work. It’s another city in your home country, not the Kalahari desert. And it’ll be daytime. Shops will be open. Cinemas. Restaurants. Bars. Libraries. There may even be an interesting museum or gallery.

Good grief.

THEDEACON · 17/07/2022 02:10

I'd go and enjoy the hotel and wherever it is but I wouldn't go to the evening reception

byejacques · 17/07/2022 02:10

You can’t amuse yourself in a new place for 8 hours? 🤨

Janinebutcher79 · 17/07/2022 02:11

Just join your oh later on.
fojy get why there would be any drama?

bluekostree · 17/07/2022 02:11

I take it your a grown adult? If she can you not entertain yourself for a few hours- go shopping, have lunch, read a book.

MiriMollyMartha · 17/07/2022 02:13

Of course you, as a stranger they've never met, shouldn't attend the whole day? What's wrong with just attending the evening? You'd be SO unreasonable if he spoke to them about it.

MiriMollyMartha · 17/07/2022 02:15

Like a PP said, hang out in the hotel, is there a pool? Go for a nice lunch, have a walk, explore, read a book, get ready slowly. It would be lovely. Wouldn't even cross my mind to demand an invite to the day with the claim that i couldn't possibly entertain myself for a few hours?

ThettaReddast · 17/07/2022 02:17

Echoing everyone above, go along and enjoy a day in the city by yourself, shopping, pampering, sightseeing etc, whatever you fancy. Then finish off the day going to the reception, have fun with your boyfriend, meet some new people and celebrate with the happy couple.

littlepeas · 17/07/2022 02:24

This happened to us years ago - we’d been together longer than the couple getting married and were living together - I’d also met them multiple times. I wasn’t invited at all due to them struggling with numbers and, to be honest, because dh and I are from quite different backgrounds and they weren’t particularly keen on me. I honestly think they thought we would split up soon and didn’t want me in their wedding pics! Dh didn’t go but we still invited them to our wedding a year later - we’re still happily married 16 years later (so are they).

Original poster
Daisy0530 · 17/07/2022 02:27

Ok thanks for replies 😊

OP posts:
StClare101 · 17/07/2022 02:31

I’d go and be perfectly happy exploring a new city. Why would they invite you to the whole thing when you’ve never met?

onlythreenow · 17/07/2022 02:49

I would love to have time alone in a city by myself. Surely you can find something to do during the day?

Original poster
Daisy0530 · 17/07/2022 02:59

Yes I probably could, it’s just a lot of money and travelling around as the venue is not central.

I just find it a little awkward for a plus one to attend at separate time of the wedding, I was more thinking of us both going in the evening or me not attending but I didn’t want to come off as rude to his close friend, just to clarify as I think people thought I was expecting them to the. Invite me to the whole day which isn’t the case lol. Everyone has gotten quite peed off with my post regardless of my attempt to be polite and view both sides 😂.

OP posts:
CircleofWillis · 17/07/2022 03:03

It would be incredibly unreasonable for you to suggest that your boyfriend just go for the evening with you.

StClare101 · 17/07/2022 03:28

CircleofWillis · 17/07/2022 03:03

It would be incredibly unreasonable for you to suggest that your boyfriend just go for the evening with you.

Agreed. Honestly it seems you are just looking to feel outraged. They didn’t have to invite you at all!

byejacques · 17/07/2022 03:30

Why should your boyfriend skip to the ceremony and reception just so he can hold your hand taking you into the evening do? Honestly I can’t understand how some grown women get on

Rainbowqueeen · 17/07/2022 03:38

It is unusual to invite a plus one to only part of the day but it’s fair enough given you have never met. Weddings are so expensive, not everyone can afford to have people they have never met along to the whole day and many don’t want to.

Id go along. You can have a great time doing your own thing during the day then go have fun with your boyfriend in the evening. These people could be in your life for a long time, play the long game