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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding invite- what should I do?

484 replies

Daisy0530 · 17/07/2022 01:47

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 17/07/2022 03:54

No I don't think your can suggest that your boyfriend just goes to the evening, especially if you've already accepted his invite to the day.

If you're concerned about cost could you not bother with the hotel and just drive there and back on the day? An hour really isn't very long to drive. I definitely wouldn't bother with a hotel for 2 nights, just the night after the wedding would be fine.

DockOTheBay · 17/07/2022 03:56

The easiest thing would probably be for your boyfriend to go all day and for you to decline and just do something else. I am sure they don't really want you there as they have never met you, and it so it sounds like you aren't that bothered.

Mally100 · 17/07/2022 04:03

I wouldn't even bother going. To travel, sit around and only attend for a few hours, all that faff for people you don't even know or most likely not have much to do with anyway because of distance. I wouldn't be upset about the invite, just see it as a bother I cba with.

Fadeout83 · 17/07/2022 04:04

Gosh I pine for 7 hours on my own 🤣 sorry OP but this is a very odd reaction to have. Go together in the evening and enjoy some alone time exploring in the day rather than making nice at a strangers wedding.

Marvellousmadness · 17/07/2022 04:06

Oh stop it
Youll survive a few hours allone.
And if you dont want to sit around then go out and explore this city.
Orrrr
Just let your bf go by himself and stay home all boohoo by yourself (for even longer then 7or8 hours 😅)

Musti · 17/07/2022 04:15

It is weird not to be invited if you’ve been together for a few years! However, either come up separately or go and have lunch and go shopping or for a walk and or chill out at the hotel on your phone, reading, watching TV… it is fine..

justfiveminutes · 17/07/2022 04:40

You could always just make your own way there for the evening - an hour travelling doesn't sound like much to me but that could be because I live an hour from anywhere!

Or just spend the afternoon in the hotel or exploring the city. If anyone declines you might get upgraded.

liveforsummer · 17/07/2022 04:43

I'd definitely go. Will be nice to spend the evening with your partner at the wedding and a night in a hotel also to finally meet his best friend. Why not take a long bath, book a hair appointment- if it's not central this is likely to be cheaper. Read a book, take a stroll and have a leisurely time getting ready. It's not hard to fill a few hours even without going in to the city if that's a pain due to distance.

Turnthatoff · 17/07/2022 04:44

What happens before the reception that is expensive?

isn't the reception the sit down meal and before that the ceremony?

liveforsummer · 17/07/2022 04:55

No the reception is the evening party. Before that is the meal/wedding breakfast. That's the expensive part that is paid per head so numbers are significant

CJsGoldfish · 17/07/2022 04:57

Seems like such a non issue.
Either go and enjoy your time exploring a new city until it's time for the evening do or stay home and send your bf off to enjoy the wedding of his best friend while you do something you want to do at home 🤷‍♀️

Hollywolly1 · 17/07/2022 05:16

They are incredibly rude to just invite your boyfriend tbh

Hollywolly1 · 17/07/2022 05:20

You could both attend the evening reception together only, 8t is really strange to invite him only to the day part

acuteanxiety · 17/07/2022 05:27

Fuck that I wouldn't be going and neither would my boyfriend

They are not nice to leave you out

My cousin did this to my husband at her wedding the other day she was a bridesmaid at mine. Incredibly incredibly rude

Els1e · 17/07/2022 05:37

BasiliskStare · 17/07/2022 02:01

Honestly I would go and have a lovely day in the city ( could you say where it is - people will have suggestions ) and then get ready for the evening do and enjoy it. Or don't go - I personally wouldn't get DP to have a word to get you invited to the whole thing. I would take the invitation you have been given and take it or not. Not sure what drama arguments there would be.

Agree with this. Google the city and see if there is anything you want to go and see. Or name it hear and you’ll probably get loads of suggestions. Or book into a hotel with a spa and treat yourself

Bobismyfriend · 17/07/2022 05:37

I think it's pretty rude to not to invite you both to the whole thing. Of any of the weddings I have been to they have always factored in plus one's. I'm surprised at all the people on here that don't find it weird!

As it's your boyfriends best friend, I don't think there is any harm in him talking to him about it

Shoxfordian · 17/07/2022 05:38

It’s a bit strange to split up couples into day/evening guests but I would use the time to have a look round the city as people have said and don’t cause any drama asking for a whole day invite or asking your boyfriend not to go.

It does sound as though you could do with being more self-sufficient op

whiteroseredrose · 17/07/2022 05:42

Yodaisawally · 17/07/2022 02:01

You decline, BF goes to the whole thing. You've never met them so it really doesn't matter to you.

This.

Tashface · 17/07/2022 05:43

What does your boyfriend say about it all?

Keepitrealnomists · 17/07/2022 05:50

Your being dramatic. Your BF should go to the full day and not just the evening. You have been invited to the evening as a token, they have never met you FFS. Join him in the evening after spending a lovely day either with your girlfriends or exploring the new city, if the hotel has a spa enjoy book a massage and enjoy a swim.

BuanoKubiamVej · 17/07/2022 05:50

Being evening-only guests as part of a couple or of a somewhat more distant group of friends (eg I once had an evening-only invite along with all other members of a book group) is fair enough if you aren't that close to the people getting married but it's always a little awkward to arrive in that post-meal time and I would hate to arrive alone and sober into a situation where all the people (or the only person ie my partner) had already been drinking for hours. I would have no problem entertaining myself alone in an unfamiliar city but tbh would then rather go to bed with a good book than turn up solo to an event in those circumstances.

whiteroseredrose · 17/07/2022 05:52

People saying have a great day exploring a new city.... we don't know which city this is. Some are pretty grim with not much to recommend them. And what if it is hammering rain or baking heat and OP has to faff around for 7 hours. Then turn up at a wedding where everyone is already drunk with a seat at a table while she has to hover around?

Much better to let BF go alone and you have a day to yourself doing what you want to do.

BuanoKubiamVej · 17/07/2022 05:52

Missing words "I knew" above...

where all the people (or the only person ie my partner) I knew had already been

Areil · 17/07/2022 05:53

If the venue isn’t central can you bus/train/Uber out from the centre?

can’t you go later and just go to the evening do? Why do you need to travel with your partner?

Greenday49 · 17/07/2022 05:57

Echoing all above I'd love this! And even if it is a 'grim' city there'll be something to do there surely, can you say where it is OP? Even failing that I'd relax at the hotel, nap, read a book, do some yoga dvds...It's not THAT long a time really.

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