Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

God God, its gone from shall I go to the evening reception to how black people are treated in Australia
Quite bonkers

😂

Oh I'd love that. Have a lovely lie in a long bath, watch a movie order room service then get hair and nails done. You don't know how lucky you are OP!

I find this type of invitation bizarre and rude. Either invite both people to the whole thing, or both to the evening (if you are doing that), not a weird mix of the two! Personally op, I wouldn’t go, and I would expect my partner to politely decline as his partner hasn’t been included (my boyfriend just wouldn’t go in these circumstances). Or your partner can go to the whole thing, and you can do what you fancy doing while he’s there, if that works better for you both.

Again it's nothing to do with class 🤣. In this particular example it's the partner of someone they are close to. I don't suppose they asked for her family history and financial details before deciding whether they deserved a full day invite 😆

Your right, it is impossible to have degrees of familiarity. We are born knowing everyone equally.

Down with the shackles of the class system formally known as friendship.

@Purplecatshopaholic

even if it was his best mate??

You don't tend to invite someone to your wedding unless you know them really, really well.
Agreed. It's just that in the UK we also have a well-established tradition of having a slightly bigger party in the evening so more people can come. Which is nice.
Ok, apparently in UK they invite colleagues, the postman, your boss, half the street, their dog groomer etc.
Well clearly that's a massive exagerration. I thought you didn't like people arguing in such a nonsensical fashion? We are talking about colleagues, old school friends, extended family, friends of family.
But where I am it's only ever family and very close friends.
Yes, where you are. Which we have certainly ascertained is somewhere different to the wedding in question
A two-tier wedding is very classist.
Nope. A two-tier wedding is a well-established tradition that maturely accepts not all relationships are equal and that my best friend who I speak to weekly is a closer relationship than the friend I haven't seen for 3 years but still lives locally and I would love to take the opportunity to see. So people expand the invitation list in the evening as a way of extending a nice invitation to more people. Very few people are offended by the fact that they are closer to some people than others but that there are grades of that. It isn't usually black and white friends or not. There are acquaintances along the way.

When me and DH got married 3yrs ago we split couples up (sorry, obviously a hugely offensive thing to do!)
It was a very small wedding-35 people including family. We just didn't have the budget to do a larger package. Nothing at all to do with class or what we thought of people. Just practicalities and finances. We invited couples where we were close friends with both people, and invited only one half where people would know other people e.g. 5 close friends from work, we then said their partners were welcome to attend on the night and explained why. Everyone (as far as we know) was understanding and happy to do this and partners came on the evening. I just wasn't able to justify not inviting a close friend to be able to invite a plus one I've never meant, especially when the people coming knew each other.

This thread.

Loving the idea that there's no degrees of familiarity. My sex life is-going to get interesting

No need to invite colleagues or acquaintances etc. Unless you are very, very close to them. If you're not, you don't invite them.
There's no need to invite anyone! Ive been to loads of weddings. Of course I was closer to the couple at some of them than others. That's normal. Making weddings exclusively for those you are "very, very close to" would be pretty unusual unless it was a very small affair.

😂

Ah, a flounce to end things. Nice!

😂

Good day to you too @Lola4321 🤣

People on mumsnet quite proudly don’t have any friends anyway so very small weddings are common on here

i am REALLY enjoying how this thread has descended in to comparisons of not being invited to part of a wedding being similar to racism. Classic MN nuts bullshit.

Enjoy the day by yourself, meet your bf in the evening! I'd enjoy having the day to explore...

You've never met them, you don't know their ££ situation, so go along in the evening and meet them!

Or don't go and let your bf go alone. Don't ask them if you can come!

ooh I missed it, what was the gist?

Damn I missed @Lola4321 last few messages, what was the flounce?! 😂

I have been to loads of evening receptions of colleagues, all without my partner. Never thought for a second to be offended either that my partner wasn’t invited or that I was just invited to the evening

We always treat it like a team night out and had a great time

Evening receptions are so normal where I am that it would be thought of as strange if you didn’t have one and had everyone attend the full day

That none of us are smart enough to understand why evening invitations are exactly the same as racial segregation on buses. That only people you are "very, very close to" should be invited to weddings and if you invite anyone else you are perpetuating the class system.

And given that none us understand why she is clearly right we aren't worth talking to.

Some of the drama of flouncing reduced by the knowledge that she is in Oz so was actually probably just going to bed but wanted a dramatic exit.

I missed it too! Maybe it was one last sweeping statement about how English weddings are conducted on behalf of and endorsed by all Australians of colour.