Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

@Lola4321 I don't think @AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair was desperate to turn it into an issue about sexism...your comment about "no man would allow his partner to be alone for 7 hours in a strange city" did that pretty easily. Absolutely bizarre that any man or woman would think like this.

YABU. Spending a few hours on your own is a non issue. If you feel uncomfortable to go to the evening part only, you can just skip the wedding. I wouldn't ask my boyfriend not to attend though, it's his childhood friend!

You’re not being split up.

How is it disrespectful? I genuinely don’t get it. They have constraints on numbers/cost/whatever and I don’t understand how having those constraints is disrespectful.

People with constraints on the numbers at their wedding?

Another 'ooh, I'd love 8 hours to myself in an unfamiliar place' voice here.

FWIW, also don't consider the decision to split the invitation to a couple like this rude. I've been to several weddings where DH or I has been invited to more of it than the other - never occurred to either of us to mind. (There was one where I was driving out to attend the evening and then bring DH and some friends home and I broke down right on the Hammersmith roundabout, which wasn't fun, but obviously not the fault of the couple.)

We had a very small wedding (8 guests) and then a party in the evening that we invited everyone else to. A whole branch of DH's family chose not to attend because they weren't invited to the 'real' wedding. Their choice, no drama.

I find it interesting how many people on here do think you're being mistreated/slighted though. Weddings are a minefield...

How would you know?

Presumably the PARTNERSHIP are split up every day for that long anyway while they go to work?

The DP could always just say he'll just go to thr evening bit too if he wanted and save the couple some money.

No they aren't splitting a couple up, they will still be a couple, they are inviting two seperate individuals separately.

An hour isn’t that far away so it is unusual in 2.5yrs you haven’t managed to meet them yet, especially knowing their wedding is coming up. Not all women are confident in new places alone, people might sneer at that, and I personally would love to explore a new place but I know friends who would struggle. That’s ok. But please don’t suggest to your boyfriend he does evening only, it’s his childhood friend. I am never getting married but if I ever did (which contradicts my statement) I’d have a later afternoon wedding and one ceremony as people always tend to get upset with this whole day time / evening thing. But given you’ve not met them, and I don’t think being an hour away is any excuse I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to be evening only.

@Lola4321

"Treated with such disrespect"
"Its called solidarity and respect"

It's just a wedding. Not the mafia.

I must put a complaint in at work and with his work that they are splitting up a partnership. For hours a day. 5 days a week.

It’s a wedding and an evening do.

that’s actually pretty common.

It's a very usual thing to do. People invite their work mates to the piss up in the evening. Especially in post covid times the family and elderly relatives can come to the main thing then if it gets too much in the evening leave and the drunk boozy mates can go to the evening.

Get on to ACAS...

Have you had a little to much sun already? Might be an idea to stay in the shade today.

I would not ask him to skip the ceremony/meal and make friends feel unimportant as he is happy to skip their wedding. Definitely don't ask boyfriend to speak to couple either. They don't know you and presumably numbers or money must be tight. To me the options are

1. spend day in the hotel relaxing. Get a late lunch then take your time getting ready and join for evening.

2. don't go and partner can go alone.

For me i would go as finally an opportunity to meet his friends after 2.5 years. It isn't ideal but completely understandable to not invite a plus one you haven't met to the full day. Inviting a close friend to evening only because you haven't met his girlfriend is definitely not ok.

@Lola4321 , you are the poster who just keeps giving
Pahahahahahahah
Brilliant but weird 😂🤣😃😂🤣🤣🤣

I was invited to a wedding like this and I actually found it ruder that once they'd found out we were engaged I was suddenly invited along to the ceremony too. Even though I'd never met these people. I declined and said I'd stick to the evening invite.