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Original poster

Wedding invite- what should I do?

484 replies

Daisy0530 · 17/07/2022 01:47

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 17/07/2022 07:32

MeatballMeatball · 17/07/2022 07:22

I’m loving all the people assuming the hotel has a pool and a spa. My view on this would depend if it was a Premier Inn somewhere grim (is probably stay home and leave him to it). Or somewhere rather lovely….happily spend a bit of time on own.

id try and invite partners, but I’m old with disposable income. Not everyone is…and not everyone is staying in a hotel with a spa.

Exactly this! Travel Lodge on ani dustrial estate? I'm staying home, boutique hotel in a pretty town with lots to do and see? Or city break in a hotel with pool? I may go.

It is weird to have different invites for a couple. Either invite both to all, or only invite one. It's an odd half measure.

Lola4321 · 17/07/2022 07:32

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WitchWithoutChips · 17/07/2022 07:32

Sweaty84 · 17/07/2022 07:27

@Lola4321

"Treated with such disrespect"
"Its called solidarity and respect"

It's just a wedding. Not the mafia.

“You come to me, on the day of my boyfriend’s best friend who I’ve never met’s wedding…”

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 17/07/2022 07:33

Who said I can't 'cope' without a man? I feel very sorry for you if that is your take and being a 'cool woman' is more important to you. 🙄

Hahaha I'm a cool woman because I can cope without my partner for a few hours? Nah I'm just capable of doing things myself. You're clearly unable to.

It might be 'normal' but it's not right. If thinking there shouldn't be such classist two-tiered systems is 'stupidity', I will PROUDLY wear that. At least I am not gullible and playing into a cast system like a brainwashed sheep.

Hahaha this is brilliant. What a weirdo.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 17/07/2022 07:33

“You come to me, on the day of my boyfriend’s best friend who I’ve never met’s wedding…”

😂😂😂😂😂😂

RenegadeMatron · 17/07/2022 07:34

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

So, the wedding is an hour away? Is it near where they live?

I seem to be the only one who thinks it’s weird that you’ve been with your DP for 2.5 years, and you’ve never met his best friend.

I know there’s been a pandemic on. But that is just so weird to me. More so if they’re only an hour away. Even if they’re more than an hour away - not having met his best friend since childhood at all in that time is really strange.

They’re obviously not that close, and so the fact that you’re only invited to the evening do makes more sense.

Caveat: I’m from a country which doesn’t spilt people up into day / evening (A / B list), so find that whole side of things odd anyway, but presumably you’re in the UK where it’s perfectly normal.

Ontomatopea · 17/07/2022 07:35

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I personally prefer smaller weddings with family only but some people like a party so it's very very common in the UK to have an evening reception

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 17/07/2022 07:35

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I apologize for assuming you're nthe Northern hemisphere, my bad, but do tell us all where this place with attitudes so different to the 21st ceniury is.

Lola4321 · 17/07/2022 07:35

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Thisisit2022 · 17/07/2022 07:36

7/8 hours in a hotel to chill? Or to explore? And to get ready for a night out at a leisurely pace? Sounds like heaven to me.

Lola4321 · 17/07/2022 07:36

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Banoffe · 17/07/2022 07:37

Just reading your update, there is no reason your partner should miss the whole day because you’ve only been invited to the evening. It’s his friend, why should he miss there wedding?
Either go and meet your partner outside the venue for the evening and enjoy the day in a new city or don’t go. Don’t make a drama out of it. Either way your partner should go and you should not pressure him not to go to the day.
People should not feel obliged to invite partners they have never met to a wedding. It’s a nice thing to do if you can afford it. However people feel pressured to invite partners who they don’t or barely know over people they are friends with and close to.

Lola4321 · 17/07/2022 07:39

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TiddleyWink · 17/07/2022 07:39

Incredibly bad manners of the bride and groom to invite half of a couple as tier one and expect their partner to hang around before being summoned to the evening. Some people have zero idea how to host, and it really shows up when they have a wedding. It’s embarrassing. I wouldn’t dream of asking to be invited to the full day but I would also leave the boyfriend to it and do something else with my weekend. I’ve got better things to do than hang around waiting for scraps at the table! Whether they have met you is irrelevant, you’re the partner of a guest and people get invited to weddings as a couple. If you can’t afford to host with class and good manners then rethink your plans!

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 17/07/2022 07:39

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Australia, no sexism, racism or caste system there then, no siren.

gogohmm · 17/07/2022 07:39

It's an hour away. I would suggest that he takes public transport and you drive up for the evening and drive home at the end - saves the hotel cost and you can stay at home until it's time for the evening do

Lola4321 · 17/07/2022 07:40

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qpmz · 17/07/2022 07:41

Hahaha to those who say I'd politely decline! Loosen up and stop being so serious and playing victim!

Accept and have a brilliant time sightseeing. Back to hotel late afternoon for pampering before joining your boyfriend for the celebration 🍾

WitchWithoutChips · 17/07/2022 07:42

Ontomatopea · 17/07/2022 07:31

I was invited to a wedding like this and I actually found it ruder that once they'd found out we were engaged I was suddenly invited along to the ceremony too. Even though I'd never met these people. I declined and said I'd stick to the evening invite.

Ah yes, the old ’no ring, no bring’ policy. Still very much a thing in certain quarters.

TiddleyWink · 17/07/2022 07:43

People should not feel obliged to invite partners they have never met to a wedding. It’s a nice thing to do if you can afford it. However people feel pressured to invite partners who they don’t or barely know over people they are friends with and close to.

This is definitely true if you plan the event from the point of view that only the bride and groom’s experience matters. When I got married I wanted a good party where everyone had fun, and came without any bad feeling because I had excluded their partners for example. I wanted the guests to have a great time and so they were invited to come as couples, regardless of whether I knew both. Why on earth would I be arrogant enough to expect everyone else’s enjoyment to be completely disregarded as long as I was queen of the room for the day?! Some people may choose to host their weddings that way but honestly, as someone who worked at wedding venues for years, I know the approach that results in the most fun, love filled and joyous event - so perhaps that influenced my approach!

Lola4321 · 17/07/2022 07:43

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qpmz · 17/07/2022 07:44

gogohmm · 17/07/2022 07:39

It's an hour away. I would suggest that he takes public transport and you drive up for the evening and drive home at the end - saves the hotel cost and you can stay at home until it's time for the evening do

But then she misses out on no a day of sightseeing and can't enjoy a glass or two of fizz at the evening do!

Lola4321 · 17/07/2022 07:44

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Meraas · 17/07/2022 07:44

I would just get boyfriend to tell them that he will be attending solo.

Sweaty84 · 17/07/2022 07:45

Australia...where everyone is treated the same 🤣🤣🤣