Drinking while pregnant

[PreggieGoldilocks86]

Was at a bday party last weekend, good friends of my partner. I am pregnant in my first trimester and the wife of the bday boy is also pregnant, about half way along.

She asked if I’d had any drinks since finding out I was pregnant (I am a big drinker usually) and I said no, I was missing the booze but happy to give it up. She told me she’s been having the occasional drink here and there and had given herself a limit of 3 glasses of wine to have the night of the party so she could enjoy herself.

I was honestly a little in shock. They’ve had IVF to get to where they are so really want this baby. Obviously each to their own but AIBU to feel a bit thrown that she was happy to down 3 glasses of wine in one night while pregnant?! I didn’t really know what to say. Maybe this casual drinking while pregnant is more popular than I realise? Do I need to loosen up?! Haha

There are key times for FASD in pregnancy. But that doesn't mean that 'even small amounts' will do it. They won't.

The fact is that most babies affected by FASD have mothers who are alcoholics. Your own body produces alcohol, so does orange juice.

But OP if you don't want half a glass of fizz, don't. It will make you worry so why bother?

It's basically "forbidden" in my country... I jumped. We are wine makers. It's only for a little while. You can start a wine collection or champagne collection for after birth if you want. It's only a couple of months left. It's not worth the risk.

In my friendship circles it’s very normal to have one glass at an event (eg the champagne toast at a wedding or a glass of wine with Christmas dinner). Our eldest kids are now 5-6 yrs old and all are fine (doing well above average if I’m honest, though I’m not suggesting causation here, ha!).

I don’t know anyone who would have 3 drinks on purpose but I know loads who had accidental binges in first trimester and again their kids are completely fine. The NHS advice is a one size fits all policy and made for those women who have no self control or aren’t able to make nuanced decisions - it’s much easier for these women to be told “drink nothing” than “only drink in moderation, with plenty of food and water alongside”.

How can your views be outdated when you've just received a leaflet?

What's IVF got to do with anything?

Not much of a friend IMO!

You sound totally judgemental.

Just wanting people to say yes you're right, you're perfect.

You already know you're right.

Going to my sisters wedding in a months time and everyone was asking if I’d have a glass of bubbles or half to do a toast. I’d said no but this made me think maybe half a glass is ok 🤷‍♀️ And maybe I’m just being way too cautious! I feel so responsible for this thing in my belly lol I think likely I’ll just do sparkling water for the toast and save myself the guilt!

Everyone is asking you about a glass of champagne a month ahead of a wedding? Really? Why would they? Very odd relationship with alcohol people you know have!

I abstained completely until the third trimester where I started having half a beer or a small (measured 125ml) glass of wine about every 2/3 weeks. That seems about average for the women around me.

An occasional glass of something like champagne at a wedding doesn’t seem like an issue to me

Having read Emily Oster's 'Expecting Better' I was happy that the occasional drink was fine. There are no studies to indicate that a drink or even 2 a day cause problems for the baby, all studies are on high alcohol intake.
However, my occasional drink was a single glass at a wedding or sip of my husband's beer if I fancied it. Personally wouldn't have done 3 drinks in an evening.

Yep, remember that very well. My son is 21 too.

Wouldn't touch a drop whilst pregnant. Think it's selfish and stupid. It's a drink. You can wait 9 months.

I had a night out the week before I found out I was pregnant where I drank a lot. Once I found out, I didn't touch alcohol again until ds was born. 9 months between alcoholic drinks isn't unheard of for me not pregnant anyway so wasn't an issue.

Yes indeed, it gives a very measured approach to taking perceived risks in pregnancy.

I had a few small glasses of wine / champagne in my pregnancy. I was comfortable with those limits.

I don’t think anyone is really going to come on here and say that 3 glasses of wine is ok tbh. Are you sure she wasn’t joking?

I was told it was safest to totally abstain when I was pregnant last year. Friends with older children said they were told a glass of wine now and then was fine. Maybe there's been higher incidences of FASD so the guidance has changed? I didn't drink at all. Others I know had the odd one at social events. I think three is a bit much, but it's her risk to take.

Rarely people get “1 unit” right when pouring and hugely overestimate measures so it’s safest to say abstain entirely. Doesn’t mean it’s necessary.

3 glasses is too much in one night. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and Iv had the odd Buck's Fizz or shandy and don't feel guilty.

Even amongst alcoholic mothers only a third have FASD, although of course others may have more subtle problems.

Have you any evidence at all for this ? There was a study published in Manchester last year suggesting that up to 2% of all children have FASD they also state this is likely to be an underestimate.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34590329/

For you sisters wedding just discreetly ask the bar for a glass of tonic water and angostura bitters. Or if they haven’t got that tonic water with a dash of apple juice. I doubt anyone will look closely enough to tell the difference.
if anyone gets funny about you drinking whilst pregnant you can let them in on the scam, but it will make the just one glass crowd feel better.
of course if you want a glass do have a small one…just not three (it would also make me wonder if she is doing this quite often)

Why would you drink; it's only for a few months.
I Iove wine, but cut it out completely when I was pregnant. On Christmas Day, in my third trimester I took the tiniest sip of champagne (barely wet my lip) and still felt guilty about that.

I think this is indicative of a problem, 3 glasses of wine on one evening whilst pregnant is excessive.

I spammed touch alcohol while pregnant,I know we are all told that the occasional glass won't hurt but the fact is that alcohol consumption during pregnancy can't be studied in great detail (ie the differences at different times during pregnancy, at which point does it go from harmless to harmful etc) due to ethical restrictions, so we can't say with absolute certainty that any amount is okay so surely better to abstain. It's a very short amount of time relative to your life.

I’ll never understand the ‘I have the odd drink here and there when pregnant’…

1. whats the point in having just one when there’s loads of just as good non alcoholic versions of pretty much every drink.
2. If you can’t abstain from a few of anything that’s toxic to your unborn child for only 8-9 months of your entire life then you need to give your head a good wobble.

I also have 7 cousins (by 2 different mothers) with FASD and it’s incredibly sad with lifelong implications so I may be biased.

I didn’t drink a drop. Most of my friends gave up entirely. A few had the odd glass of wine that I knew about. So I don’t think your approach is outside the norm.

One of my friends who was pregnant when I was had half a bottle of wine on several occasions when I saw her (all big celebrations like weddings or milestone birthdays, so it’s not obvious to me that this was just the tip of a large iceberg, it could genuinely be the only time she drank more than the odd glass). I was a bit shocked by it, but it’s her choice. Her kids are fine. I probably took other risks, including a fair amount of travel and being an older mother with an older partner. People weren’t shocked about these things or thought that they weren’t reasonable choices for me to make.

I also have 7 cousins (by 2 different mothers) with FASD and it’s incredibly sad with lifelong implications so I may be biased.

Was that from the odd drink here or there? Because I'm willing to bet a very significant amount of money it's not.

Three glasses of wine in one night seems excessive but I couldn't get worked up about someone having a small glass a week. I suspect the guidance changed partly because a lot of people delude themselves about how much they drink and what a 'small' glass actually is. Currently pregnant and I will have a half-glass of champagne at the wedding I'm attending next month, and I had a small glass a few weeks' ago to celebrate a friend's engagement.

There are a lot of risks to contend with in pregnancy, so I do think it's important to take a balanced approach. For example, we're told to eat lots of fresh food, protein and vegetables, but this ignores the toxiplasmosis and listeria risk inherent in fresh meat and prepared vegetables and salads. The safest food from that perspective would be frozen, beige food that you cook to death in the oven. And stress - lots of women have stressful jobs and there's controversy over how much impact a pregnant mother's stress has on the developing foetus. But really not possible for most women to quit their jobs, even if stress and late nights might be harming their babies. Women who already have children may have to regularly lift and carry their children who are over the recommended weight for pregnant women to lift, even if it puts them and their babies at risk of harm. Pregnant women generally have to make so many compromises already that stressing over every small thing (or small glass of wine) seems counter-productive.

@VyeBrator good point. I've had discussions about amount of tea acceptable from obese women who were pregnant but I daren't have mentioned weight related risks. I was having four small cups if tea per day and wasn't even slightly worried about my caffeine intake. They argued I was only allowed two but actually on NHS site it said two mugs.