Drinking while pregnant

[PreggieGoldilocks86]

Was at a bday party last weekend, good friends of my partner. I am pregnant in my first trimester and the wife of the bday boy is also pregnant, about half way along.

She asked if I’d had any drinks since finding out I was pregnant (I am a big drinker usually) and I said no, I was missing the booze but happy to give it up. She told me she’s been having the occasional drink here and there and had given herself a limit of 3 glasses of wine to have the night of the party so she could enjoy herself.

I was honestly a little in shock. They’ve had IVF to get to where they are so really want this baby. Obviously each to their own but AIBU to feel a bit thrown that she was happy to down 3 glasses of wine in one night while pregnant?! I didn’t really know what to say. Maybe this casual drinking while pregnant is more popular than I realise? Do I need to loosen up?! Haha

I didn't know anyone who continued to drink. I certainly didn't.

I just cannot get my head around all the 'lots of alcoholic women don't even have babies with FASD' - well most people don't get infections from eating salami or sushi, does not mean I would take that risk. Just WHY? If you honestly cannot just have a glass of pop or juice or water instead of reaching for the alcohol cause you are unable to have fun without (despite the enormity of the 'small' risk) then I would really evaluate whether there IS a problem.

I think people who can’t stop drinking even when pregnant most likely have an alcohol problem to be honest.

The normal in my circles was to only touch a little at a celebratory event. 50ml of champagne at a wedding or Christmas.

I didn't find it difficult. There are lots of non alcoholic options available. I found the alcohol free gin drinks really refreshing with tonic when pregnant in summer.

I've got one friend who is having "one glass a week". She seems to almost crave it and has it every week. I find that a little odd.

I just cannot get my head around all the 'lots of alcoholic women don't even have babies with FASD

Lots of FASD is undiagnosed. A lady I know has a DC with quite a few behavioural and learning difficulties. She was a very quiet alcoholic, she has confided in me that she drank more than she should have when pregnant. She moved area right after the baby was born and has been sober for a while so school are probably completely unaware how much she used to drink.

On paper there's no diagnosis but there's a decent chance that the issues her DC had are related to alcohol consumption in pregnancy.

For me, it's not so much that I couldn't have a glass of pop or juice or water and have to 'reach for the alcohol' - I don't drink regularly at home anyway and am more of a social drinker so maybe a few times a month at most normally, even if I'm not pregnant.

But there are certain occasions which I do mentally associate with having a drink and I'm personally happy and don't think it's reckless to have a small amount of alcohol at those events. So at a garden party in summer, it's quite common to have a glass of Pimms and I'm happy to have one (and only one) provided it's been heavily watered down with lemonade. And at a wedding I don't feel it's an unacceptable risk to have a half glass of champagne, when compared to all the other risks of pregnancy. But I don't think that means I have a problem.

I had the odd glass every now and then , I wouldn't have had 3, but each to their own ... parenthood is filled with people 'knowing best' and of all the research no one can actually say how much alcohol does damage , which is why they say have none

3 glasses of wine is far far too much. Maybe a small shandy once a month, but even that I chose to a avoid because the anxiety wouldnt be worth it.
Id consider 3 glasses a bottle of wine if home poured and a lot for someone who isnt pregnant.

I don't shout it from the rooftops but I had bits of alcohol when pregnant. It was a year with a lot of weddings and celebrations and I had a little bit in a glass at some events. I know what a unit is and used to measure it out (wine or beer).

However 3 glasses in one sitting is too much. In my opinion (again could be controversial) you can have little bits here and there if you know what you are having and can limit yourself to one glass.
Three glasses of wine at 1.5/6 units each, that is getting on for 5 units? Nope.

I didn't drink any alcohol during pregnancy, I don't know anyone who did either, including my own mother.

Also wondering who these people are who are asking you a month before someone else's wedding if you're going to have a drink or not

As it was a party how big are the wine glasses? They're likely to be bigger than pub measures surely?

I'm pregnant, also via IVF and I haven't had alcohol since before I started treatment.

Limiting herself to 3 glasses of wine while amongst friends. Imagine what she drinks when no ones watching.

I just get people checking I'm not drinking. 'What's that you're drinking?' It's blackcurrant and soda, don't worry I'm not on the snakebites 🙄 At a party getting a beer for my partner 'I hope that's not for you'. No I don't drink beer.

I'd never have three in one night while pregnant, but everybody's comfort level with risk is different. I abstained during the first trimester and afterwards had roughly one drink (half a glass of wine or a low-alcohol beer) every other week. This was 100% normal in my social circle.

I don't understand the women on these threads who are so quick to judge others for making choices they wouldn't have. But if there's one thing I learnt during pregnancy is that the performative martyrdom of motherhood starts early!

I really try not to be judgy about it to be honest but i personally havent/wouldn't drink at all when pregnant. Obviously in scenarios where women don't know they're pregnant and have drank that's completely different, but with both my pregnancies the second I have found out I am pregnant i havent drank and I quit smoking cold turkey immediately. I would just feel too responsible if anything were to effect baby negatively that i could control.

@Cakecakecheese I had this too, people did my head in.. the OP said that her sisters wedding is in a month and everyone is asking her if she will have a drink for the toast or not? Why on earth is everyone asking that a month in advance?

Honestly I just think everyone makes their own choice, don't be pressured into drinking for sure but also no need to judge others if they do have the odd one.

@Goodskin46

90% of FASD you would not know by just looking at the baby. There is no outward physical traits, yet the damage is done, it's irreversible, it could have been prevented. And it's likely undetected.

So it is undetected on this quote and somebody later mentioned a lot of FASD being undiagnosed. So how would one know if people walking around us have undiagnosed FASD.

The quote above refers to small amounts of alcohol, yet when I was pregnant with DS and DD (19 and 22) the advice was no more than a couple of units a week, and most of us had that. Does that mean my DC could have undiagnosed FASD? They have no signs at all.

Seriously, there is no need for hysteria. I would agree that three glasses is a bit much, but a glass of fizz at a wedding (if you fancy it) should be fine. There is advice about soft cheeses, bagged salads and Mr Whippy ice cream, which relates to listeria. Highly unlikely in supermarket Brie, more likely in glorious runny Brie from a French market. Use common sense.

I think she'll probably be fine, in the way that people who drink before they realise they are pregnant are fine and the baby has no problems.

But yes, I agree it is an odd decision to make.

I would guess that she is either a bit stupid and thoughtless or she has a drinking problem and is in denial.

I had a large glass of wine once, in one pregnancy, due to experiencing my first ever large earthquake (abroad) and being so shaken up I needed a wine to calm my nerves!

Other than that, didn't drink, had no desire to anyway.

@Jujy

For me the tiny amount I had of red wine while pregnant wasn’t about not being able to have fun without it, just that beforehand I’d been a wine aficionado and there is no decent non-alcoholic red wine on the market- trust me I tried them all.

It was about having a taste. Just my perspective.

Everyone is asking you about a glass of champagne a month ahead of a wedding? Really? Why would they? Very odd relationship with alcohol people you know have!

That also leaped out at me. OP, it sounds like your family and friends are pretty big on alcohol and that can skew your own perceptions of what’s normal and okay.

I don’t know anyone who drank during pregnancy and I’m now in my 50s so have known scores of pregnant women though friendship and work. The first and only pregnant woman I’ve seen drink was at my aunt’s wedding in 1982. Even back then, 40 years ago, my aunt later commented on it negatively, so it wasn’t widely considered okay then. My aunt could down a gin or three herself and is no prude to this day.

I have abstained in the first trimester, once I’m aware of pregnancy, and then I’ve have had drunk mild/moderately for the rest of the pregnancy. There is actually no research to say that drinking mild-moderate amounts cause your baby harm. I took until my third pregnancy to realise what was meant by moderate. A 175ml glass of wine per day 😱 I don’t drink that much. I always drink with food and I would never drink to feeling it level.

I found I didn’t really want to drink until mid second trimester. It was also my sisters wedding at 4 months that prompted me to have two white wine spritzers.

Definitely do not drink if you don’t want to. Never feel you should. I can completely empathise with the guilt and worry around drinking. I did a lot of research and weighed up the risks.