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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinking while pregnant

197 replies

PreggieGoldilocks86 · 15/07/2022 23:48

Was at a bday party last weekend, good friends of my partner. I am pregnant in my first trimester and the wife of the bday boy is also pregnant, about half way along.

She asked if I’d had any drinks since finding out I was pregnant (I am a big drinker usually) and I said no, I was missing the booze but happy to give it up. She told me she’s been having the occasional drink here and there and had given herself a limit of 3 glasses of wine to have the night of the party so she could enjoy herself.

I was honestly a little in shock. They’ve had IVF to get to where they are so really want this baby. Obviously each to their own but AIBU to feel a bit thrown that she was happy to down 3 glasses of wine in one night while pregnant?! I didn’t really know what to say. Maybe this casual drinking while pregnant is more popular than I realise? Do I need to loosen up?! Haha

OP posts:
SummerL0ving · 15/07/2022 23:50

I would never touch a drop while pregnant. Pregnant friends have been the same. It's definitely not normal in my circles.

ShaneTwane · 15/07/2022 23:56

I don't know anyone who continued to drink. I just got my midwife appointment through in the post and it came with a whole booklet saying to abstain from alcohol entirely.

PritiPatelsMaker · 15/07/2022 23:59

3 glasses of wine in one night isn't the odd drink here are there. That's really hard to get your head around, especially given that she's gone through IVF.

Did she have a bit if a drink problem before becoming PG?

Mysteryuser · 15/07/2022 23:59

When I was expecting DS, now 21, the guidance from the NHS was 1-2 drinks, once or twice a week. Make of that what you will.

quietnightmare · 15/07/2022 23:59

Some people are just thick.

D0lphine · 16/07/2022 00:00

3 glasses whilst pregnant is a no. One small glass I think is fine.

Sometimeswinning · 16/07/2022 00:07

So each to their own but you've come on to Aibu to vent about it! Honestly, a few drinks (which I doubt she downed!) For her party is her choice.

You need to calm down.

RJnomore1 · 16/07/2022 00:08

I think as a one of she’s fine.

Original poster
PreggieGoldilocks86 · 16/07/2022 00:11

Haha @Sometimeswinning it was not to vent, more to genuinely ask if my abstaining from alcohol views were a bit dated :) just wondered what the norm from other people was re alcohol and pregnancy

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 16/07/2022 00:14

If its a one off for the party I'd say its ok, regularly, definitely not acceptable

SaggyBlinders · 16/07/2022 00:17

Some of my friends had sips or one small glass of wine on special occasions. Not three glasses though, what size are the glasses? Three large glasses is a bottle!

VyeBrator · 16/07/2022 00:20

It's not great but people take all sorts of risks when it comes to pregnancy. A fairly common one (but seemingly the most acceptable) is to TTC with a high BMI.

Obesity can cause all sorts of risks for both baby and mother but many will crack on with their plans regardless.

Talkingtopigeons · 16/07/2022 00:20

Serious complications from alcohol in pregnancy (FASD) aren't just related to how much a woman drinks in pregnancy, but when. Drinking even small amounts at certain key parts of the pregnancy can cause lifelong consequences for the child.
I'm pretty chilled about many parenting standards but this wouldn't sit well with me, and wouldn't be ok in my friendship circles. I don't know anyone who drank during pregnancy other than a token drink (eg a toast)

Sometimeswinning · 16/07/2022 00:20

PreggieGoldilocks86 · 16/07/2022 00:11

Haha @Sometimeswinning it was not to vent, more to genuinely ask if my abstaining from alcohol views were a bit dated :) just wondered what the norm from other people was re alcohol and pregnancy

How could your views be outdated? They're your choice. You have chosen not to drink at all. Your friend has decided to not completely abstain.

mummalog · 16/07/2022 00:22

I've had one cocktail on a couple of occasions but I think 3 glasses of wine is quite a bit. One or two maybe but not 3 on the trot

MrsWolfyWoo · 16/07/2022 00:31

I was sick as a dog until week 18 so didn’t drink ! From then on I think I had one alcoholic drink a week . A bottle of beer or a glass of wine on a Friday night . I bloody love a drink and I craved a drink but I knew I was taking a
risk Even having one drink a week. I felt so guilty about one drink a week I stopped this at about 33 weeks . I thought after having the baby I’d be desperate for a drink but was so scared of being tipsy around my baby I didn’t drink for
months !!!!!!!

I think 3 glasses of wine now is enough to get me drunk!

Marvellousmadness · 16/07/2022 00:35

Considering they had to use ivf to even get pregnant i am shook that she drinks so much 🤐

missymarrk · 16/07/2022 00:42

I didn't know I was pregnant til about 12 weeks! Had a few mad nights before I knew but once I found out I didn't touch it, except for a half glass of champagne, which I had a sip of at a toast when I was 34 weeks. The smell of it made me feel sick!

Aria999 · 16/07/2022 00:46

I had nothing in the first trimester, the occasional small glass in second, and a strict limit of max one small glass per night in my third, and I think that is quite relaxed in the context of people I know.

Three glasses, no way. Just no.

PlantsAndSpaniels · 16/07/2022 00:48

I got served a gin and lemonade at a pub by mistake at 14 weeks pregnant instead of a normal lemonade and felt a little worried about the couple of sips it took to work out it was gin. I think 3 glasses is a bit much.

Original poster
PreggieGoldilocks86 · 16/07/2022 00:52

missymarrk · 16/07/2022 00:42

I didn't know I was pregnant til about 12 weeks! Had a few mad nights before I knew but once I found out I didn't touch it, except for a half glass of champagne, which I had a sip of at a toast when I was 34 weeks. The smell of it made me feel sick!

Going to my sisters wedding in a months time and everyone was asking if I’d have a glass of bubbles or half to do a toast. I’d said no but this made me think maybe half a glass is ok 🤷‍♀️ And maybe I’m just being way too cautious! I feel so responsible for this thing in my belly lol I think likely I’ll just do sparkling water for the toast and save myself the guilt!

OP posts:
Parlezp · 16/07/2022 00:59

Talkingtopigeons · 16/07/2022 00:20

Serious complications from alcohol in pregnancy (FASD) aren't just related to how much a woman drinks in pregnancy, but when. Drinking even small amounts at certain key parts of the pregnancy can cause lifelong consequences for the child.
I'm pretty chilled about many parenting standards but this wouldn't sit well with me, and wouldn't be ok in my friendship circles. I don't know anyone who drank during pregnancy other than a token drink (eg a toast)

Just out of interest, genuinely can you link to research evidence for that?

Even amongst alcoholic mothers only a third have FASD, although of course others may have more subtle problems.

As for the OP, I agree three is excessive, but light drinking isn’t proven to cause harm in pregnancy as far as I’m aware. The caveat is it’s also not proven to NOT cause harm as it’s inherently difficult to study- that’s why the guidelines are basically to have nothing.

I would say I had two glasses of wine during my whole pregnancy- split up into 90ml portions.
I loved non alcoholic beer but really wanted a glass of red wine with my cheese on my birthday.
At the time I enjoyed it but I’ve got to be honest it has caused me to feel guilty and ashamed since she was born- even though my consultant laughed at the idea of 3 units during a whole pregnancy causing any issues.

Rosebel · 16/07/2022 01:01

Well it's her choice really. I do think 3 glasses is a lot. In my last pregnancy I had one drink at Christmas and still felt guilty, particularly as I had had a very heavy drinking session the weekend before I found out I was pregnant.
If it's a one off I wouldn't really even think about it, if it's regular I would think it's a bit off.
Different people will always take different risks and I wouldn't judge her just because she's decided to have 3 drinks.

PinkCheetah · 16/07/2022 01:15

Working where I do in the NHS, I know drinking whilst pregnant is more common than anyone realise. Women just don't admit it publicly.

easyday · 16/07/2022 01:24

When I was pregnant with my son (now 18), I hosted a day for the spouses of the French branch of my husband's work. I asked what restrictions they had on food and drink while pregnant. Well they looked at me like I was mad! They said of course not to excess, but drink was definitely essential to get though it all, and unpasteurised cheese etc was perfectly acceptable.
I'd say three glasses is pushing it, but many places do not have the same concerns we do (I remember a friend practically leaping across the table to stop me eating a peanut)!