To get married with COVID

[Moongazing]

I am having a major meltdown. I have tested positive for COVID today as part of workplace testing, I don't have a single symptom.

I am getting married on Saturday and having a large wedding with 80 day guests and an additional 100 at night. We have spent around 16k on the wedding and I have contacted my insurance provider and they are telling me I am not covered as current guidance would allow me to go ahead. The venue have also said it is too late to cancel as they have ordered all the food and drinks etc

We have saved for years and years to have our wedding the way we want it, I really don't know what to do, if I cancel I will lose so much money and won't be able to have our dream wedding ever

The amount of money you have spent on your wedding should not affect your judgement. Your guests do not have more or less right to be told based on the cost of your wedding. That was your choice to spent that much on your wedding. You have a moral duty to your guests. You cannot possibly know the medical history of all your guests. What if there are pregnant women who haven't told you they are expecting? Your want for a special day does not trump the health of others.

'Done with covid'. I keep seeing that and am staggered by the ignorance. You would say that if you were me this week, fainting on a hospital floor.

I agree with just telling everyone and let them all decide
Check with insurance if they will pay out if you become unwell though just incase
This is the trouble of living with covid but still being advised to isolate the two don't go hand in hand practically
Hopefully you stay well and manage to have a great day
Insurance companies are awful happy to take the money but try and get out of paying out

@Madhairday but many people do feel like that more in the way of they intend to keep doing things they want because its not going away .
Some people have still had to go into work covid positive, other countries are relaxing rules around those with covid etc as well .
No one knows the answer but it doesn't seem like lockdowns , masks etc can keep it awAy

It’s meant to be very warm this weekend OP, is there any chance of you moving some of the wedding outside?

What ignorance?? 🙄 This is my choice ...same as you have a choice....I do not want to waste any more of my life avoiding covid...I've had 4 jabs....I've had covid twice ( mildly) .... I don't feel at particular risk anymore.....2 years ago I was in a very different situation and would not have made these choices.... but now, yes, I am done with covid 🤷‍♀️.... you are not me....and I am not you

@thesharkcaller

Yeah we were just talking about this, there is a lovely outdoor area so if we don't decide to cancel we will ask the venue to set us up outside, that way if some people still want to come but are a bit nervous they might choose to come to the ceremony and the outdoors bit and would have the option to leave when we go in doors

That sounds like a good compromise

@Cathod
Unfortunately 16k and a once in a lifetime wedding is definitely clouding my judgement. Yes it was my choice to spend that much on the wedding because that's what I want to do, so cancelling it is not something I want to do on a whim,i would like to enjoy the day I planned.

I have not said I won't tell guests, I also have never said they have less right to know based on how much I have spent nor did I say the money I have spent trumps the health of others, so please stop making things up, it's not helpful.

What a shit situation OP.

However I feel you really must let all of your guests and the venue know so they can make an informed decision whether to attend or not.

personally I wouldn’t likely have an issue, but we’re attending a wedding this weekend and my parents (in their 70s) are staying at ours to look after our DC, so I would be hugely resentful to knowingly be exposed to being anything back to them.

FWIW, I was massively pissed off to be at a celebration for the same wedding recently where two guests attended having tested positive for covid that same day. They had no idea who might be vulnerable or have responsibilities that would be compromised. The bride didn’t seem to give a shit either.

I know you didn't say you definitely wouldn't tell guests but you did say

Just need to decide if I should tell every guest or not, you guys seem a bit split on if I should or not and my head is all over the place with the panic

That suggests that you had considered not telling guests or you would have said you were telling everyone.

Everyone will have their own level of risk particular to their own situation, health and other factors.

To go ahead with your wedding is you accepting a level of risk you're happy with.

To knowingly expose people to a level of risk you're not 100 percent sure they'd be happy accepting isn't something you should do to people you puport to care about.

Let THEM decide THEIR level of risk. It's the choice between a few empty seats and perhaps more importantly potentially broken relationships if people find out you could have warned them.

Apologies for assuming a male fiancé OP. FWIW I would go ahead. Such a shame you’ll miss out on so many hugs though, but better than calling the whole thing off. I really hope that neither of you feels ill on the day. Good luck.

I'd tell everyone they can choose to come or not. X

Outside is a great idea. There are likely to be other guests who unknowingly have covid so outdoors is good for everyone. Fortunately the weather will be good though you will need gazebos. If you're having a wedding table check those seated with you are still happy - otherwise, have some fun with the situation and put yourself and fiance together on white overdressed table at front, under your own gazebo and separate from everyone else.

I definitely think it's best if you make a feature of it - make it as fun as you can finding ways to keep your distance. Perhaps the ceremony itself could also be outdoors or with a smaller number of guests.

Good luck!

@NerrSnerr

That would be an assumption. I hadn't considered not telling everyone at all, prior to that I was deciding if the whole wedding was getting cancelled and hadn't even considered a possibility to go ahead and tell everyone.

Oh that's awful timing. You may be negative by Saturday. Regardless if it was me I'd let the guests know. I hope the weather will be kind, if I was a guest I'd still attend and keep my distance, plenty of time outdoors. Some people may not attend. Can't be helped. A wedding is one day, marriage is long term. Just go and enjoy yourselves.

Tell people. I'm am / was CEV and I'd still attend, but I.wouldnt be hugging you !.

@HaveringWavering

Thats okay don't worry, I still make the same assumptions myself at times,we weren't offended in any way.

Yeah the hugs will be the wierd bit if we go ahead because I will not want anyone near me at all, it wouldn't be good to be hugging and kissing everyone if I'm still positive then

To be honest I just don't want people to have to go through what I am experiencing right now and so it upsets me when people seem to write it off as not worth caring about. My friend is newly disabled with it too and a shadow of his former self. I agree it's hard to find an answer but do think wedding guests deserve to be told.

Sorry this has happened to you, OP. But I really think you have to tell absolutely everyone, including all the staff, the celebrant - everyone. You might think you know that nobody is especially vulnerable, but actually, you don’t. My own mother in law had cancer treatment for the second time a few years ago and only mentioned it to her sons long after the treatment had ended. My brother in law has a condition that keeps him on medication that wipes out his immune system. You would not know this to look at him. There might be people who will be seeing other elderly or vulnerable people in the coming days. Or who have holidays or other big things booked. You cannot possibly know and you should allow people to make their own informed decisions.

If you were my friend I would not come. But as long as you were honest about it I would not judge you for going ahead and I’d wish you a happy day. If you went ahead and didn’t tell people, and I later found out, that would probably break our relationship and completely change the way I thought about you.

Give everyone involved the choice, and that includes the venue for their staff.
I would still work it (I'm in that type of job) but I know others in our team would prefer not to because they are vulnerable themselves or they have vulnerable people at home and would prefer to not increase their chances of catching it.
I don't think it would be fair to go ahead and say nothing to anyone, even if that means some people drop out or things have to be a bit different on the day, like doing it outside etc.

I think as long as you tell people, then it’s their choice.

Thank you everyone for all your comments and suggestions.

We think we have decided to go ahead with the wedding, tomorrow we are going to make a list and as many group chats as possible to make sure everyone is told.

We will recruit the bridesmaids to deal with more things face to face and they are going to help tell all the suppliers etc tomorrow, photographer, videographer etc

We will speak to the venue to go outside for as much as possible and see if there is anything else they can put in place we haven't thought of.

Think that should almost cover it I think.

Just have to really hope I don't get symptoms by then......

Hope you stay well.