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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get married with COVID

223 replies

Moongazing · 14/07/2022 21:34

I am having a major meltdown. I have tested positive for COVID today as part of workplace testing, I don't have a single symptom.

I am getting married on Saturday and having a large wedding with 80 day guests and an additional 100 at night. We have spent around 16k on the wedding and I have contacted my insurance provider and they are telling me I am not covered as current guidance would allow me to go ahead. The venue have also said it is too late to cancel as they have ordered all the food and drinks etc

We have saved for years and years to have our wedding the way we want it, I really don't know what to do, if I cancel I will lose so much money and won't be able to have our dream wedding ever

OP posts:
Original poster
Moongazing · 14/07/2022 22:29

MargaretThursday · 14/07/2022 22:22

I hope all those people saying go ahead won't complain if restrictions need to be brought back in again.

And even if you "know" none of your guests are vulnerable (and it isn't always obvious) you don't know about the staff.

But actually your insurance provider is incorrect. the current guidance is:

Try to stay at home and avoid contact with other people
If you have a positive COVID-19 test result, it is very likely that you have COVID-19 even if you do not have any symptoms. You can pass on the infection to others, even if you have no symptoms.

I really don't think going to a wedding has any signs of trying to stay at home and avoid contact with other people, do you?

The insurance are saying because that is just advice people can choose to follow that or not, they said it was different when it was a legal requirement

OP posts:
glitterfarts · 14/07/2022 22:30

You have zero symptoms and wouldn't even know you have it if not for workplace testing. Guarantee almost no one else coming will have tested before and likely quite a few will have covid and not know.
I'd go ahead.

paradyning · 14/07/2022 22:30

What about the celebrant?

KosherDill · 14/07/2022 22:31

GrandSlamFinalee · 14/07/2022 22:26

You know the medical status of 180 people? You’re that close to all of them? I have a health condition that only my sibling, my manager at work and 3 VERY important friends know about. Most of my family have no clue, and there’s no need or will for me to share it around, but I’m sure some must think I’m perfectly fine.

You need to let them know. I’d personally have no problem attending your wedding if you were positive, but that’s only if I had nothing vital coming up. There are for example two weekends in August when I would definitely not attend, because I have one of the most important job auditions of my career a few days later. In that case I’d cancel and hope our close relationship would make that ok. You need to let people make their own decisions. There are potential lives, money and future jobs etc on the line here.

Not to mention the friends, coworkers and extended family/in laws of those 180 people plus all of the venue and suppliers staff???

I help care for a neighbor with advanced cancer. No one whose wedding I've recently attended is aware of that.

ShinyHatStand · 14/07/2022 22:31

Please don't assume you know the health status of even close friends and family.
So many of us choose not to share difficult long term health conditions even with our closest friends in order to preserve normality in some parts of our lives. It's far more common than you'd think.

What is the harm in telling people? All your healthy friends and family will come anyway. People like me will likely come but put in place some additional sensible precautions, like slightly increased distancing and no hugging. Would that be so bad?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 14/07/2022 22:32

Moongazing · 14/07/2022 22:26

I didn't claim to know everyone's medical status. I was talking those who are the most clinically vulnerable, which are those who were in the shielding category, and yes I do know all my guests well enough to know that none of them fit that criteria. I am not disputing there are other medical conditions that might increase complications etc but that's not what I was saying

Show quote history

The truth is as pp has said very few and I mean very few (close family only) know about me too so no you wouldn't know.

I lay money on out of the 180 and your suppliers there are quite a few in the same position.

Those increased complications could very well mean hospitalisation.

If you don't tell people you are knowingly putting people at risk, when they haven't been told.

Your choice, but expect backlash when people find out after, and they will when people come down with it.

Rowen32 · 14/07/2022 22:32

What if one of your guests is pregnant and hasn't told anyone yet? Covid placentitis caused miscarriage and stillbirth in Ireland last year. I know really healthy people who got very sick from it and took ages to recover. I honestly would never be able to look at you again if you were my friend and didn't tell me. You say you know none of the guests have conditions but what if they get it and pass it on? Could you really live with yourself. You need to tell people and let them decide whether to come.

ItsSnowJokes · 14/07/2022 22:32

paradyning · 14/07/2022 22:30

What about the celebrant?

I'm beginning to think the OP doesn't care as long as she gets her dream day. I cannot believe anyone wouldn't tell all guests and staff etc..... it would be the first thing I would do!

Original poster
Moongazing · 14/07/2022 22:32

HaveringWavering · 14/07/2022 22:18

What does your fiancé think? It’s his wedding too.

@HaveringWavering

She is the same as me, in a bit of a pickle but she is wanting to go ahead as we have spent years planning for the day and it's so close

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 14/07/2022 22:33

My 7 year old has just recovered from Covid, she has asthma but wasn't classed as CEV. She was really unwell and was almost hospitalised at one point as she couldn't keep any fluid down. I know it's everywhere but I'd like to know so we can choose to avoid it if we have the chance. It's only fair to let people know.

lunar1 · 14/07/2022 22:38

Those of you saying she doesn't meet to tell people are absolute assholes.

Tell your guests, they get to make decisions regarding their own health, you really don't know their medical history.

Imissprosecco · 14/07/2022 22:39

I've just got married recently. I think the registrar would have refused to go ahead if there was known covid, so bear that in mind if you decide to tell people.

Covid is everywhere. None of us will be able to avoid it forever. Enjoy your day.

Original poster
Moongazing · 14/07/2022 22:41

ItsSnowJokes · 14/07/2022 22:32

I'm beginning to think the OP doesn't care as long as she gets her dream day. I cannot believe anyone wouldn't tell all guests and staff etc..... it would be the first thing I would do!

Show quote history

@ItsSnowJokes

On what basis are you beginning to think that? When did I say I wasn't going to tell people? I'm in shock, this has just happened and I'm trying to get my head around what it means and put plans in place and am still toying with the idea of cancelling the whole thing so I would appreciate it you not coming on here and saying I don't care as long as I am getting my dream day. I have already started contacting suppliers if you read my other posts but can't get in touch with the celebrant at this time of night, I have so many people to contact who won't appreciate me at nearly 11 o'clock at night so it will wait until tomorrow

OP posts:
gogohmm · 14/07/2022 22:41

Just go ahead, test in the morning for piece of mind, you may be clear then if it was random testing. Dp was only positive for 2 days

BowiesJumper · 14/07/2022 22:42

I’m cev and was on the shielding list. But many of my friends don’t know this! It’s not something I have broadcast. So don’t assume. Has the registrar/vicar been told too?

Mariposista · 14/07/2022 22:45

Enjoy your day! Congratulations. And stop testing.

tiarax · 14/07/2022 22:46

It is not morally right to knowingly expose people to COVID without telling them. Yes people accept the risk going to an event but for catching from someone that does not know that they have something. You cannot know if your guests are vulnerable or not or if they care for someone vulnerable. COVID affects people so differently; whilst you may be affected mildly, someone else could be hospitalised or worse. If I found out that someone had knowingly exposed me to COVID and not told me, I would be fuming and think that would be the end of our relationship. I care for someone vulnerable, not only in terms of getting COVID but in not being able to care for themselves should I get ill. It is highly irresponsible to not tell people.

Notodaynotever · 14/07/2022 22:47

You must tell everyone.

NerrSnerr · 14/07/2022 22:47

Mariposista · 14/07/2022 22:45

Enjoy your day! Congratulations. And stop testing.

The OP has said she has to do workplace testing twice a week. Many of us still need to.

Seabreeze18 · 14/07/2022 22:47

Yes you could get away with not telling your guests but morally it’s wrong and any decent person would be honest. What happens if u keep quiet and a close family member ends up in hospital? How would u feel knowing it could be your fault??
it’s crap timing and I feel for u but honesty and thoughtful planning will make your guests feel cared for. They will also have a sense of trust in u for the future, don’t spoil that.

stayathomer · 14/07/2022 22:47

Glad you told your make up and hair people and hopefully you’re negative by the weekend anyway. Bloody insurance companies finding a way out, they’re head wrecking!!!

Madhairday · 14/07/2022 22:48

I'm so sorry OP, it's awful timing. I have it too and have had to cancel my silver wedding celebration (I am very sick with it.)

I can't believe all the people on here saying don't tell anyone. That's just so wrong. I'm sure you'd tell everyone OP as it's the right thing to do. Covid can cause lasting damage and disability.

I sincerely hope you are negative on Saturday and have a good day.

kitcat15 · 14/07/2022 22:49

I went to a wedding last Friday where the bride had covid ( no symptoms) and the mother and father of the groom were still testing positive for covid
..we were all told before...out of 70 guests just 4 declined to come....I'm still OK as is my partner ...but I'm guessing there were a few more with covid who hadn't even tested
.....personally I'm done with covid now ....so I would definitely come to your wedding if I was a guest

GrandSlamFinalee · 14/07/2022 22:51

Mariposista · 14/07/2022 22:45

Enjoy your day! Congratulations. And stop testing.

I need to fly multiple times a month for work. If people like me stopped testing, we’d soon be jobless. Not everyone has the luxury of just ignoring Covid now.

WakeyCakeyHeart · 14/07/2022 22:51

Had exactly this situation last week, my daughter and her groom both had covid the week of the wedding, both very mild. They were both positive until the day before the wedding.

They told all guests and no one dropped out because of this including several elderly guests and a few vulnerable cancer patients, including myself.

Wild horses wouldn't have kept me from my daughter's day - let people know and let them make the decision. You don't have to legally self isolate so enjoy your special day x

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