Dh expects me to know EVERYTHING

[BrokenToy]

and it’s driving me round the bend. It’s got worse as he’s got older I think.

We were on holiday last week and he was forever asking me questions like what time does the restaurant open or is there food on the catamaran. How the bloody hell should I know? You have the same access to that information as I do!

DD lost an object recently and a neighbour found it today and put it on top of a nearby fence. She sent me a photo and description of where, I’m not home so I sent the screenshot to DH so he could pop out and grab it. He had exactly the same information as me but kept asking me questions like where did she find it, where exactly is the fence etc. I don’t fucking know, again, you have the same information I do.

The trouble is it makes me a bit snappy (I’m definitely getting more intolerant as I get older). He says it’s a compliment that he thinks I know everything, I say it’s infuriating because he’s expecting me to find out the answers for him.

Im not BU to be driven mad by this, right?

Oh I get the running commentary when he is watching something on TV. Drives me nuts. I am trying to read or write something, or post on mumsnet/twitter etc, and HE is watching something that I am not watching. Every fucking 2-3 minutes, he starts whittering on about what he is watching. With a running commentary.

I say 'I am not watching this. I am not interested!!!' He puts on the butthurt sad face again and says 'well I am interested...' Like because HE is interested, I should be the dutiful little wifey and stop everything I'm doing and pay attention to him. Then he goes all silent. Then 10 minutes later, he starts the fucking running commentary AGAIN!!!!

I have lost count of the amount of times I've just bailed on what I'm doing, put my laptop or book or magazine down and just gone outside. If I can't concentrate because of him prattling on about what HE is watching, then I'm out.

Mine also does this. I usually can't be bothered to get worked up about it and my answer is almost always how the fuck should I know?

The only one that really annoys me is when someone knocks at the door and he asks me who it is whilst making no effort to answer and see for himself

This is all so familiar. I just went on holiday, not with a partner, but a platonic male friend.

Despite me doing 95% of the organisation before going, because he was 'busy', I was still expected to google and book restaurants etc when there, while he relaxed, giggling at social media. The couple of times I asked him to do very minor stuff I was given short shrift for 'pressuring him'. And of course, this all came with the baggage of being asked multiple questions all the time, as he knew pretty much nothing about the trip we were doing.

Never ever again.

When I stopped doing it, particularly when babies came along and I just didnt have the capacity is when he got violent because it turned out he had to actually organise himself. This obviously wont happen for everyone but be careful.

My mum fostered co-dependence with my brother to the point where he brought over his washing for ME to do while Mum was on her deathbed. I laughed and said no way, so he claimed he “Didn’t know how to use a washing machine.” He was 44 years old at the time. My response was that he Google it or go to a laundromat.
My son has been what I call a “Lazy Thinker”. He will handball the task of he can get anyone else to do the thinking. Common responses around here include “Use your own brain”, “Pretend I’m not here”, “Look it up” and “I am not your PA.” He is sixteen soon and I am always gobsmacked when his teachers say how independent he is compared to other boys his age.
@BrokenToy , but I do wonder if your DH is seriously asking you all these questions or simply thinking out loud and you have taken this as a stream of requests for so long that you two have an engrained habit that needs breaking.

@kittyland he would do those extras no problem and wouldn't mind if I said any of that. He more than does his share.

It would probably mak things worse, because there is no reason that he can't see that counter needs a wipe etc. It could backfire if I start to micromanage his list, and it becomes my "job" to ask him to do things.

It is just infuriating listening to him chatter away to (mostly) himself.

' I think you have dementia dear, it's time to put you in a care home'.

My DP does the same thing - though not with the same frequency! My personal trigger for rage though is when he'll ask me to fetch him something that would take as much effort for him to get as for me. For example, we're working in the garden together and he wants some scissors to cut twine and he'll say "Babe, could you go inside and grab me some scissors?"
Or if he is putting up a shelf and I'm doing another chore, he'll ask me to go to the cellar and get his tool bag before he starts.
Very rarely is there a please attached.
He isn't lazy so much as in his own world and it doesn't occur to him that I am also busy with my own thing, but it is still really annoying!!!!
For a while I went along with it, but now I tend to say: "Could you grab that/those yourself, please? I'm busy with X, Y, Z." or if I'm feeling irritable I'll say: "It is just as easy for you to get it yourself. Please do that."
It is a small thing, and really kind of petty, but it is the sort of quirk that can drive you bonkers if you don't address it!

I think the question thing is particularly frustrating when it is delivered with an element of expectation that you should know i.e. "Where is the cat?"
If they said: "Do you know where the cat is?" or "Have you seen the cat?" it allows more openly for the possibility that you may not know, or may not be aware of the answer, and allows you to say so without feeling somehow like you've failed.

Brutal!!! 😂

I feel your pain my husband does this and drives me insane. He will ask me eg what's the weather going to be like tomorrow? I don't know you've got a phone in your hand, you're next to Alexa figure it out. INFURIATING

I have resorted to this. Also a rude gesture where I insert my right middle finger into a circle made by left hand, then immediately touching my nose. Very therapeutic.

@Hana89

He isn't lazy so much as in his own world and it doesn't occur to him that I am also busy with my own thing, but it is still really annoying!!!!

I think there is a deeply embedded selfish streak in men, as well as a deeply embedded lazy streak. Not only do men think us women are here to fetch and carry for them and do all the domestic shit/childcare/gruntwork, but also, when they're 'ill' they act like they're the only ones ill, with the 'poorly man shuffle' and the dressing gown of doom, and the weedy voice and tiny cough.

You could have your arm hanging off, and be on death's door, but if HE has a single ailment, he's so focussed on himself and his 'illness' that he doesn't give a shit about you. I don't think it's deliberate or malicious, it's deeply ingrained in men. Selfish, and lazy. They're not all really bad, but the vast majority of men are like this on some level.

I am getting stressed just reading this thread - it is the Patriarchy at Home - lazy entitled gormless fucking bastards.

I do a lot of “not sure babe, when you do find out, let me know”.

Added annoyance of having MIL here currently who asks questions by saying “I wonder…” at the start and then gets annoyed when you don’t answer her random pondering.

I had one of these. Couldn’t do anything for himself and the look of sheer panic on his face when asked to make a simple decision was priceless. Anyway, it drove me mad and eventually I left him and now live quite peacefully on my own. Which may be a bit drastic 🤔

The really annoying thing is that when I'm out I know dh manages perfectly well to find answers, fetch tools or check the fridge.
He also brings instructions for me to read because the writing is too small for him and he can't be bothered to find his glasses.

And the endless questions that show no understanding/absorbing of other information. Got a parcel this morning from Dsis. DH asked why. I had to explain to him that it might be related to the urgent brain scan I'm having tommorow...

DH is like this. It makes me feel very dim and very stressed at the same time. This is because a lot of our conversations go like this:
DH: What day is Hannah's (HIS sister) birthday?
Me: Thursday
Him: Is it?
So he expects me to know everything but the questions it all. He sees me as responsible for everything but has no trust in me.

He forgets everything I tell him anyway and then acts surprised and says I never tell him anything.

The other thing is rather than "Where is..." he always says "Where have you put..." even about things I haven't touched or wouldn't touch such as his work stuff. Makes me feel guilty for something I haven't done.

Oh my god. Are you married to my DH too?! I'm with you, OP. I end up snapping "how the hell would I know" or "read the information"!! Solidarity, OP.

I know the feeling. 'What time does the supermarket open today?' Ummm I don't know, let me google it for you...

Hahah yep! Can relate

My DH is getting worse at this, even now I've started saying 'don't know' to most things. I think it's fucking gender socialisation again. Women are socialised to be helpful, men aren't, so by default they are socialised to be helped. It's infuriating and awful.

A t shirt with a strongly inappropriate slogan, speedos and wellington boots?

If only there was a like button.

I made it very clear to my husband over 25 years ago that I am not his mum, I'm not his PA, and I'm not the skivvy. Don't pander to this shit. It's strategic incompetence.