Dh expects me to know EVERYTHING

[BrokenToy]

and it’s driving me round the bend. It’s got worse as he’s got older I think.

We were on holiday last week and he was forever asking me questions like what time does the restaurant open or is there food on the catamaran. How the bloody hell should I know? You have the same access to that information as I do!

DD lost an object recently and a neighbour found it today and put it on top of a nearby fence. She sent me a photo and description of where, I’m not home so I sent the screenshot to DH so he could pop out and grab it. He had exactly the same information as me but kept asking me questions like where did she find it, where exactly is the fence etc. I don’t fucking know, again, you have the same information I do.

The trouble is it makes me a bit snappy (I’m definitely getting more intolerant as I get older). He says it’s a compliment that he thinks I know everything, I say it’s infuriating because he’s expecting me to find out the answers for him.

Im not BU to be driven mad by this, right?

It's because they think of you as their mother, see also inability to find objects that they want.

Ooh…I’m going to start robotically saying ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know that one’.

I had this too - I had it out with DH a few weeks ago and tried so hard not to lose my shit because he needed to listen and not get his back up.

I explained that he's taking the piss. That he is telling me 40+ times a day that his time is more valuable than mine. That his constant questions are making me feel sick with stress. That he's being rude and interrupting me constantly. That he is refusing to take personal responsibility for basic things.

And told him it stops. Now. I am not his PA unless he want to start paying me a decent wage. I am not fucking Google (may have screamed this phrase a few times in the run up to the intervention). I am no longer going to look every detail up for him because I'm worth more than that.

And I've stopped doing it. All of it. I'm so much less stressed. He occasionally asks, but gets told to do it himself.

I had no idea how stressed it was making me until I broke.

Yes. Mid fifties and it feckin grates. A thousand questions a day.
Add in dmum who has dementia and at times I think I own the last functioning brain cell.
Have taken to just saying I dunno to most of it. Makes no difference at all.

OMG - this is definitely a Thing.
I'm on holiday with a friend this week and she does this All The Time.
My problem is that it makes me feel really uncertain and a bit dim, because I'm always saying 'I don't know'.

My children and husband do this...when i get fed up i ask them how many wish to plug into the communal family brain...they soon take the hint.

My DH is exactly the same. In every other way he is a clever, educated and very capable adult. He sorts half the bills (I do the other half), has a responsible job, does more than his fair share of domestic stuff, brilliant Dad and great in a crisis. However, the constant asking of questions that I will have no way of knowing the answer to drives me insane..

My partner's 18yo son is fucking awful for this.

Have we got any juice?
Is there anything to eat in the freezer?
Is it due to rain? Do I need a coat?
What time's my dad going out? (Having walked past the room his dad's in to come and ask me).

C H E C K .. Y O U R S E L F !

This is a lad who has successfully survived the first year of university, so it's not like he's not capable!

I don't know. You will need to Google it.

Then patronisingly explain how to use Google.

When the DC used to do this I just gave a string of ridiculous answers. "Ten. 20,000. 0.456." "It fell into the sun. A rhino ate it." They don't do it anymore.

I do think some people do it as a way of thinking aloud rather than seriously expecting you to know - because how could you? - meaning "I wonder what restaurants there are at Gatwick" not "Tell me what restaurants there are at Gatwick" - but if they seriously expect you to go off and find the answer for them it is super annoying.

Oh looking for things drives me crazy!

I started saying I have no idea where you put x. You will need to look for it

He wants a mummy, not a wife.

Assuming he is late 40s/50s, I would be having conversation with him about the possibility of early onset dementia. Loss of ability to do everyday tasks is one if the key indicators.
If he's just being lazy, I would hope it would rectify itself. If not (possibly because he can't) I would be booking an assessment.

YANBU at all! We are having a new fireplace installed and DH has asked me a million questions about how many bricks they’ll take out, what’s the air flow, how high the opening will be?

How the fuck would I know?? Talk to the builder!. I know as much as DH which is nothing.

He's fucking lazy. Much easier to get you to work it all out. Just say I have no idea. Every time.

Yep DH does it and he also to share his mental load so there’s something else I have to think about.

For example - this weekend we are going to a christening. DH has started up at least 3 conversations this week about what he should wear cos “it’s a bit of a drive and he might be uncomfortable”

Do I ask him questions like this - Fuck no!

Send him this, every time Lmgtfy . So irritating, you’re not his PA

I would say "what the fuck are you doing me for?" but then thankfully my husband doesn't do this.

His father though is the worst sort of pathetic manbaby. He wanders around the house mewling that he can't find clothes or shoes or doesn't know what basic items are or where simple information may be found. The tone, the babytalk, the stupid whining noise, I've snapped on more than one occasion. Every time I hear MILs name whiiiined down the hallway I want to scream "fuck off and think for yourself"

The thing is, it's all an act. All of it. He works in a very well regarded and public position, he can stand before crowds and talk eloquently and be organised and submit research and all the rest of it. It's just at home he wants to be pathetic and act like an exceptional stupid toddler.

My partner does this, early 50s. It was hugely irritating - but then I decided to interpret it as him thinking out loud, he’s not really asking me he’s just wondering to himself. So I ignore him.
(he’s not though, he is asking me really but it makes me stabby so I’ve gone with this approach for my own sanity)

He's got you mixed up with his mum/PA. My ex husband used to say, have we got any xxxx (insert food item) and be put out if I didn't know the answer and he had to go and check himeslf, like I had an inbuilt inventory in my head of every food item in the fridge/freezer/cupboard. I used to ask him to do a thing, as a partner, ie, please can you take DD ballet bag with you, and he would say in answer, "remind me" which was infuriating. I find it massively entitled to believe you occupy a position of superiority, that there is someone who exists to be your external hard drive.

I am currently on holiday with my partner and he unpacked all of our food items into the fridge etc. He asked me where the coffee was today. He is also asking me things like "where is the bottle opener" etc like it's my house.

Once he also called me when I was in another country to ask me where the remote control was...

My DH is the same. I used to think it was quite innocuous and kind of went along with it because I do tend to plan and research everything to the nth detail, so I often know random things. But in the last few years, I've realised that it's actually a way of relieving pressure on himself and putting me in charge. So if the answer isn't quite right or something goes wrong, it's my fault. So I'm pushing back now. He needs to look things up and take responsibility himself.

This might be a good way to shut them up. They'll stop acting so babyishly if they realise they're being seen as dementia cases rather than "I'm just asking questions, mummy."

Is he asking you because he thinks you know or because he is lazy and wants you to d the work to find out?

Just say, "I don't know, could you find out please"

Mine's exactly the same. Shopping lists are the worst - he can be standing next to the fridge, I'm in the other room working, and he shouts through 'Do we need milk?'