To expect DH to help out with dog?

Soubriquet · 12/07/2022 09:12

Well no. You have offered to have the dog, therefore it’s your responsibility.

If dh chooses to do anything, that’s his choice, but you are being unreasonable to expect it

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 09:13

If he doesn't want to look after then dog then it's up to decide if you want to look after the dog. What isn't fine is this I said fine we won't have the dog but DH then felt guilty he shouldn't be guilting you into looking after the dog if he's not going to help out.

MsVestibule · 12/07/2022 09:14

I don't often say this on MN, but your DH is absolutely right!! Why would he want to limit what he can do to look after somebody else's dog? You say 'it's us or kennels' like kennels are a bad thing? Our dog goes to a dog boarder, costs a fortune every time, but it's part of having a dog. When is their holiday?

Original poster

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 09:14

Just if he had offered to do something that I wasn't keen on e.g. have his friends to stay for a weekend I wouldn't dream of then sitting on my arse refusing to help. I don't expect a huge deal but to say he won't feed her, let her out etc for a whole 2 weeks seems a bit mean?

OP posts:

Backtoreality1 · 12/07/2022 09:14

Nothing wrong with kennels but thats not the issue here.

You need to both agree to take the dog and do your fair share, or not take it. It won't be fair on the dog to come into an uncomfortable environment and will make it miserable for all concerned.

On your husbands part, I can understand his reluctance as if he is on holiday he probably has things he would like to do with the children that a dog can't be part of, and being restricted is not the best (I have a dog so I do understand the pressure of needing to take him into account every minute of every day).
If it was your holiday time, and you were happy to have your activities restricted then also not a problem.
Dog will be fine in kennels.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 12/07/2022 09:15

YABU.

You shouldn't have agreed to it if you don't want all the work that's involved.

And your DH is right. It will hugely limit your freedom. You won't be able to go out for the day, or possibly even for an hour if it's not used to being left in your home.

I already own a dog and would think very, very hard about bringing a second into our home.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 12/07/2022 09:16

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 09:14

Just if he had offered to do something that I wasn't keen on e.g. have his friends to stay for a weekend I wouldn't dream of then sitting on my arse refusing to help. I don't expect a huge deal but to say he won't feed her, let her out etc for a whole 2 weeks seems a bit mean?

No more mean than you expecting him to spend his two weeks off caring for a dog that he never agreed to in the first place!

StarDolphins · 12/07/2022 09:19

I would just have the dog & look after her yourself! It will be fun,you’re doing your friends a favour & you DC will enjoy it! It won’t be a problem to look after her yourself surely & they don’t need much. You might find your DH does actually do a bit!

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 09:20

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 09:14

Just if he had offered to do something that I wasn't keen on e.g. have his friends to stay for a weekend I wouldn't dream of then sitting on my arse refusing to help. I don't expect a huge deal but to say he won't feed her, let her out etc for a whole 2 weeks seems a bit mean?

That's fine though. You're the one looking after the dog, he's said he doesn't want to. At least he's clear about it now.

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 09:21

If he had friends to stay for two weeks you'd be well within your rights to say ok that's fine but you're doing the extra washing that comes with it

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 12/07/2022 09:21

I love dogs and regularly look after friends dogs and foster dogs. But, If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to. It sounds like he’s got some time off and wants to be free to do what he wants, he’s right in that the dog will prevent him and all of you from just being able to do things with not much planning. And you’ve said your friends are cheeky!

However, if it was my partner, and he knew I wanted to look after the dog, I know he would help out if he was around. You’re working so presumably the dog being there isn’t not stopping any major plans as a family. It seems a bit childish that if he’s in the house, he’d refuse to let her out for a wee or feed her if you’re busy.

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 09:22

It won't be fair on the dog to come into an uncomfortable environment and will make it miserable for all concerned. I don't see how it will be uncomfortable. OP will be looking after it.

Original poster

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 09:23

@coffeecupsandfairylights I'm not asking him to look after the dog. I'm saying that I won't agree to taking the dog if he is going to stipulate beforehand that he won't do a single thing for example fill-up her water. Just seems a bit petty to me.

He's a teacher by the way and this is at the end of a 6 week holiday.

I said I'll say no but then he shrugs and I feel bad. I know kennels would be ok but they're so expensive and we have a house with a garden and she's been here before loads of times so seemed a kinder option of dog and their purse.

OP posts:

godmum56 · 12/07/2022 09:24

yabu I am afraid. You have had the dog for occasional weekends and he KNOWS what it will be like. I say this as a dog owner/dog lover. Every minute of every day the dog has to be taken into account because the dog has no choice. That is the reality of life with a pet. Its the reality twice over when the pet is not yours and is not in its normal routine. whether or not 'kennels will be fine" is not a part of the situation so far as you and your partner are concerned because its not your dog or your responsibility. If your friends are saying that to guilt trip you then they are not your friends and not good owners....and yes if I felt as strongly about this as your partner seems to i too would say "well ok if you want to do this but don't expect me to help"

RedHelenB · 12/07/2022 09:24

Mumsnet advice is always for dw not to help out when dh has his parents/friends over so I think he's entitled to say upfront he won't care for it. Actually, in reality I'm sure he will.
I wouldn't take the dog, especially for a whole fortnight. It will survive kennels

Ownedbymycats · 12/07/2022 09:25

Your friends may be cheeky but you didn't need to agree to keep the dog. Whoever looks after it please ensure its safety and clarify that your friends will pay all veterinary bills and have an account with a local vet. My elderly aunt got caught like this, she took her neighbours elderly terrier to the nearby park where it cut it's foot on glass. Neighbours said their elderly dog didn't need walked, they would never have taken it to a public park and didn't reimburse her.

rookiemere · 12/07/2022 09:25

YABU.

You've had the dog before, so he knows what he is talking about. We have a dog and it's a lot of work - it was DH that wanted it, so he's the primary carer, but it's almost impossible not to have to do some aspects of it myself.

You either take the dog and accept you'll be doing 100% of the care, or you don't have it. Your DH is entitled not to want to look after peoples dogs for free.

Soubriquet · 12/07/2022 09:26

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 09:21

If he had friends to stay for two weeks you'd be well within your rights to say ok that's fine but you're doing the extra washing that comes with it

Exactly.

More fool you, if you jump up and help out.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 12/07/2022 09:26

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 09:23

@coffeecupsandfairylights I'm not asking him to look after the dog. I'm saying that I won't agree to taking the dog if he is going to stipulate beforehand that he won't do a single thing for example fill-up her water. Just seems a bit petty to me.

He's a teacher by the way and this is at the end of a 6 week holiday.

I said I'll say no but then he shrugs and I feel bad. I know kennels would be ok but they're so expensive and we have a house with a garden and she's been here before loads of times so seemed a kinder option of dog and their purse.

But if he's on holiday and you're working then the lions share is automatically going to fall to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 09:27

@LivingLifeOnTheVeg exactly. I guess I just thought he'd be a little kinder about the whole thing.

And I would be within my rights to not do the extra washing @Hotinnit but I wouldn't sit there refusing to wash a towel or give guests a lift saying "well it wasn't me that agreed to this" because even though I'd be technically correct, I'd also be acting like a bit of a dick

OP posts:

Newestname002 · 12/07/2022 09:28

@Sweaty84

My friends are a bit cheeky. Often asking for favours.

Sounds like this is something you really need to address for this and future occasions, OP.

Also being caretakers for a dog who is "pretty hyper" when you are working (even though from home) and your husband was looking forward to relaxing over his time off, without that added responsibility, doesn't sound ideal.

Perhaps your friends could book their dog into kennels - tell them ASAP so they can find a good one. 🌹

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 12/07/2022 09:30

Ultimately, if I wanted to have the dog, I would. I’d do it all myself if I had to. If I had a partner that literally wouldn’t fill up a water bowl for a dog if he was in the kitchen between the bowl and the tap, I would find it pathetic . There’s a difference between not actively doing stuff for the dog and deliberately not doing something for the dog. If he’s going to go out of his way to be unhelpful, I really couldn’t be with someone with that mentality in general.

Ihatethenewlook · 12/07/2022 09:33

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 09:22

It won't be fair on the dog to come into an uncomfortable environment and will make it miserable for all concerned. I don't see how it will be uncomfortable. OP will be looking after it.

Because there’s already aggro in the house over the dog and it’s not even there yet. Theres probably already an atmosphere with the op being pissed off with her partner and vice versa because of it. Dogs aren’t daft and it’ll know it’s come into house where it’s unwanted and causing upset. It’ll be a miserable 2 weeks for everyone. The op shouldn’t be not only forcing the dog into a house where people don’t want it, but then actually expecting them to take care of it too.

WinterMusings · 12/07/2022 09:33

People seem to be missing the fact that you have said you won't take it if he's not in agreement, but then he's making you feel guilty!

he's being an utter TWAT.

you're WFH, so how much is it really going to impact in days out etc, not much I'd have thought.

he's being ridiculously childish.

my turn.. if HE doesn't want the dog to stay, I'd make HIM tell your friends no!

IN FACT, I'd just tell them yes & deal with it myself and have a goid hard think about the TWAT I'd married if he is petty the entire time you have the dog.

Sally872 · 12/07/2022 09:36

He has done it for weekends so knows what is involved it is not unreasonable for him not to want to help. Especially for friends who sound a bit cheeky.

The grown up answer from dh would be "no, two weeks is too much, I don't want to commit to that" and you would have to respect that i think.

It is a bit immature to say "do it if you want but i am not helping at all" for that he is unreasonable, but not for not wanting the dog for 2 weeks.