Page 5 | To expect DH to help out with dog?

Sweaty84 · 2022-07-12T08:10:33+00:00

My friends are a bit cheeky. Often asking for favours. They've asked me, DH (we've got 2 young DC) to look after their dog for 2 weeks. We all love their dog, especially our DC. She's pretty hyper but v sweet and we have looked after her for weekends a few times DH is grumpy because it says it stops us being free to do spontaneous things with DC. But it's us or kennels. I want to take the dog and think it will be fun. DH says fine but he won't do anything for dog, no walks, no poos, nothing. I said fine we won't have the dog but DH then felt guilty. We are at a stalemate. AIBU to expect him to help a little bit and not be so grumpy? BTW he is off work for most of those 2 weeks and I'll be working from home.

Original poster

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 13:12

@Sweatinglikeabitch Yeah - but his parents aren't cute.

OP posts:

Pinkdelight3 · 12/07/2022 13:13

Nice one, OP. That's the right decision. The DC being in childcare is arguably even more reason not to lumber him a dog. And you doing a favour to the dog owners means he has to do favours to you and it's all coming from you while the owners get the benefit. They need to solve their problems not pass them on. You're very kind for characterising is as them being helplessly stuck rather than being CFs, but you'd also be a bit of a doormat if you didn't say no.

thenewduchessoflapland · 12/07/2022 13:15

Are they paying you to look after their dog?

Kennels per day range from £12-£20 so they are saving an absolute packet;your friends are CF and are using you to save themselves money.

What favours are they doing for you in return

RunningToYou · 12/07/2022 13:16

coffeecupsandfairylights · 12/07/2022 11:42

But with two young children in the house, it won't just be a case of letting the dog out.

If the DC's are out playing, it requires constant supervision. If he wants to nip to the loo, what happens to the dog? How can OP care for what she describes as a "hyper" dog while she's working anyway?

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He specifically said he wouldn’t let the dog out, not in any particular circumstances, just he won’t be letting her out. Like he said he wouldn’t fill the water bowl up. Hes being difficult. It’s all a bit stroppy teen, although I think that’s an insult to most teens.

Ive got a ‘hyper’ dog and other dogs. I work at home so I don’t know why you think it can’t be done. Our dogs have toys, I give them frozen kongs when I have meetings. I take him for walks before and after work as well as tiring them out in between with games. We shut them in a certain area of the house if we need to keep them away from anyone. It’s all possible if OP wants to do it.

Quincythequince · 12/07/2022 13:51

He doesn’t want the dog, he’s being clear on that front. The dog going into kennels isn’t his, nor your problem.

If you take on the dog knowing he has said this, that’s on you!

Stop guilting him into something he clearly doesn’t want to do.

And stop comparing a dog for two weeks, with entertaining family members - silly comparison really.

VeggingOut · 12/07/2022 13:56

Quincythequince · 12/07/2022 13:51

He doesn’t want the dog, he’s being clear on that front. The dog going into kennels isn’t his, nor your problem.

If you take on the dog knowing he has said this, that’s on you!

Stop guilting him into something he clearly doesn’t want to do.

And stop comparing a dog for two weeks, with entertaining family members - silly comparison really.

You should be the one to stop. And read OPs update!

FourTeaFallOut · 12/07/2022 13:56

I don't see why he should help out with a dog that you've obligated yourself to look after.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2022 14:06

Just thought a little give and take is ok in a marriage e.g. sometimes you help out with things you don't want to do to help the other person

Of course but I wouldn't extend that to looking after someone else dog when you could just say no......

2bazookas · 12/07/2022 14:08

You volunteered to look after dog, DH refused. So it's all on you.

VeggingOut · 12/07/2022 14:09

2bazookas · 12/07/2022 14:08

You volunteered to look after dog, DH refused. So it's all on you.

Except she hasn’t. 🤦🏻‍♀️

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2022 14:10

Just for those who are on the OPs side, the thing about it is if the OP was asked to look after the dog and she didn't want to so said no to the dog owners I bet you all would think that she's perfectly entitled to say No if she didn't want to look after a dog but when the Husband says no to the OP suddenly that's an unreasonable position to have?

Original poster

Sweaty84 · 12/07/2022 14:16

@FourTeaFallOut @2bazookas I haven't agreed to look after the dog. I've just been asked the question.

I never asked DH to look after the dog. I was just surprised at his 'I won't lift a finger' remark. Which seemed a bit much given that I have very much helped out on things I'd rather not have done over the years.

But I can see AIBU by the responses. So I will say no to the friends and hopefully they will find a kennel in time.

OP posts:

Mariposista · 12/07/2022 15:16

Oh diddums - a small part of his excessively long holiday is going to be madly inconvenienced by the dog! Poor poor thing! What a complete man child.
See it as an opportunity for the kids to learn responsibility, caring for an animal etc and good planning.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2022 15:18

Mariposista · 12/07/2022 15:16

Oh diddums - a small part of his excessively long holiday is going to be madly inconvenienced by the dog! Poor poor thing! What a complete man child.
See it as an opportunity for the kids to learn responsibility, caring for an animal etc and good planning.

He doesn't want to look after someone else dogs though so why should he be forced to? If the OP didn't want to look after the dog so said No to her friends when they asked would she be in the wrong? And if not why is that any different to her husband saying he doesn't want to look after a dog?

oneofusgobble · 12/07/2022 15:36

Looking after a dog for a weekend is fine.

Looking after a dog for 2 weeks when you gave children and you personally are working from home - meaning DH will be responsible for it while you're working - is not reasonable unless he's perfectly happy to do it.

Pinkdelight3 · 12/07/2022 15:39

Mariposista · 12/07/2022 15:16

Oh diddums - a small part of his excessively long holiday is going to be madly inconvenienced by the dog! Poor poor thing! What a complete man child.
See it as an opportunity for the kids to learn responsibility, caring for an animal etc and good planning.

How about the owners learn responsibility and how to care for an animal instead of having no plan except palming it off on reluctant mates before heading off on their excessively long dog-unfriendly holiday?

It's got FA to do with OP's DH. He doesn't need to spend his well-earned time off (have you seen the teaching threads on here??) doing favours for piss-takers.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 12/07/2022 15:44

RunningToYou · 12/07/2022 13:16

He specifically said he wouldn’t let the dog out, not in any particular circumstances, just he won’t be letting her out. Like he said he wouldn’t fill the water bowl up. Hes being difficult. It’s all a bit stroppy teen, although I think that’s an insult to most teens.

Ive got a ‘hyper’ dog and other dogs. I work at home so I don’t know why you think it can’t be done. Our dogs have toys, I give them frozen kongs when I have meetings. I take him for walks before and after work as well as tiring them out in between with games. We shut them in a certain area of the house if we need to keep them away from anyone. It’s all possible if OP wants to do it.

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I just don't think he's being difficult. Why should he have to look after someone else's dog for a fortnight because they're too cheap or disorganised to book kennels?

Also - having your own "hyper" dog that is used to your home and routine is very different to looking after a strange dog, especially when there are small children around.

I mean - I have a dog and work with dogs everyday, so I know what it entails, but I would never agree to take on someone else's dog for a fortnight - I mean, what happens if the dog is destructive or doesn't settle in my house? What happens if it guards food or toys? What if it gets separation anxiety from it's owners and barks and howls all day, or won't settle at night?

All things that need considering. It's probably not going to be the case that a hyper dog is just going to settle into someone else's home and routine - it'll be hard work.

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 15:46

He doesn't want to look after the dog, you do. He is allowing you to look after the dog in your shared home but stop trying to control him.

SleeplessInEngland · 12/07/2022 15:51

Looking after a dog for 2 weeks is a pain in the arse. Your husband is right to call your bluff and say he won't help if you agree to it.

Chocoqueen · 12/07/2022 15:52

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2022 14:10

Just for those who are on the OPs side, the thing about it is if the OP was asked to look after the dog and she didn't want to so said no to the dog owners I bet you all would think that she's perfectly entitled to say No if she didn't want to look after a dog but when the Husband says no to the OP suddenly that's an unreasonable position to have?

Yep, this. I also think if sexes were reversed she'd get different responses.

I'm on mat leave so not currently working, DH works full time - mostly from home. If I posted saying his friend wanted us to dog sit for 2 weeks but I wasn't keen and DH was everyone would be telling me to refuse to lift a finger. There's another thread running about a MIL coming to visit and yep, it's all 'your DH can deal with the fall out/ look after her' etc. Yet OP's DH doesn't want to look after someone else's dog and he's a lazy so and so. Maybe, just maybe, he wants to be able to do stuff with his kids.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/07/2022 15:53

I’m not sure what others are reading!

Of course YANBU to decide not to take the dog if he won’t get involved at all! They asked you both - you’re not happy to take the dog if you have to do it all, so don’t take it.

He seems to want the dog but not to do any work towards it, which is very unreasonable.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2022 15:55

Chocoqueen · 12/07/2022 15:52

Yep, this. I also think if sexes were reversed she'd get different responses.

I'm on mat leave so not currently working, DH works full time - mostly from home. If I posted saying his friend wanted us to dog sit for 2 weeks but I wasn't keen and DH was everyone would be telling me to refuse to lift a finger. There's another thread running about a MIL coming to visit and yep, it's all 'your DH can deal with the fall out/ look after her' etc. Yet OP's DH doesn't want to look after someone else's dog and he's a lazy so and so. Maybe, just maybe, he wants to be able to do stuff with his kids.

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It really doesn't even matter if all he wants to do is relax, he should be under no obligation to look after an animal that he doesn't own and doesn't want to look after. He actually doesn't need any reason at all other than he doesn't want to 💁

Hotinnit · 12/07/2022 15:55

Chocoqueen · 12/07/2022 15:52

Yep, this. I also think if sexes were reversed she'd get different responses.

I'm on mat leave so not currently working, DH works full time - mostly from home. If I posted saying his friend wanted us to dog sit for 2 weeks but I wasn't keen and DH was everyone would be telling me to refuse to lift a finger. There's another thread running about a MIL coming to visit and yep, it's all 'your DH can deal with the fall out/ look after her' etc. Yet OP's DH doesn't want to look after someone else's dog and he's a lazy so and so. Maybe, just maybe, he wants to be able to do stuff with his kids.

Show quote history

Damn right. It's like if DH has the DSC over for longer in the holidays he cant expect me to do extra chores etc.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/07/2022 15:58

He seems to want the dog but not to do any work towards it, which is very unreasonable.

The Op says :

DH is grumpy because it says it stops us being free to do spontaneous things with DC.

Doesn't sound like he wants the dog at all.........

steff13 · 12/07/2022 15:58

People seem to be missing the fact that you have said you won't take it if he's not in agreement, but then he's making you feel guilty!

Guilt is something you make yourself feel.