To expect DH to help out with dog?

[Sweaty84]

My friends are a bit cheeky. Often asking for favours.

They've asked me, DH (we've got 2 young DC) to look after their dog for 2 weeks. We all love their dog, especially our DC. She's pretty hyper but v sweet and we have looked after her for weekends a few times

DH is grumpy because it says it stops us being free to do spontaneous things with DC.

But it's us or kennels.

I want to take the dog and think it will be fun. DH says fine but he won't do anything for dog, no walks, no poos, nothing.

I said fine we won't have the dog but DH then felt guilty. We are at a stalemate.

AIBU to expect him to help a little bit and not be so grumpy?

BTW he is off work for most of those 2 weeks and I'll be working from home.

He's off work for most of the two weeks and wants to be free to do spontaneous things. He doesn't want to take the dog. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
You clearly have other problems, nothing to do with the dog, that you need to tackle with him separately.

I bet this incident will fester and come up in an argument later. All because another couple asked the op to look after a dog. Hubby said yes, but the op takes FULL responsibility. Now it's causing a wedge.😂

OP, YANBU. You’ve had weird responses.

Your friends asked you as a family to look after the dog - your DH didn’t respond with team spirit. You were right to be annoyed.

But obviously, do not have the dog. Say a polite ‘not possible, we have plans that week’

I'm with you op, what a curmudgeonly grump your dh is, I bet he does nothing spontaneous in those 2 weeks

Sorry, I’m with your husband. If you want to take the dog, you should look after it.

I mean if you don't see the difference between having family stay and looking after someones elses dog then I can't help you.........

I mean if you'd started a thread about the fact that he doesn't do his fair share of childcare or house work you would have got totally different responses, it still doesn't make you right about the dog though

OP you're so angry about the way he said it, and his lack of 'team spirit'.
In the same breath you have mentioned that these friends are CF's. Constantly asking for favours, guilting you by saying how expensive a kennel is.

Have you considered that it's THESE friends that may be the issue?
Obviously if your DP is generally lazy, and doesn't lift a finger that's a separate issue. Or doesn't 'help' other people.

How much help have these ither people given you?

I used to be the sort that helps out, runs around, and on paper had many 'close friends'. But none of them helped ME when I needed it. Don't run yourself into the ground.

Seems like the dog is a very small thing in the whole mix.
How is your DH off for 6 weeks in the summer and not looking after the children.
That's the real issue. Sounds like there's a lot of him doing exactly what he wants and you going along with it.

I completely commiserate OP, is he my ‘D’H’s twin?
unless it benefits him forget it, as for ever volunteering to anything for someone else….

I - reluctantly - once looked after a friend's puppy while they went on holiday (puppy hadn't had final innoculations so couldn't go to kennels). DH said the same as OP's DH, and stuck to it. Puppy was manic, had diarrhoea on our bedroom floor, and got under my feet as I was going down some steps, leading to me falling and sustaining a horrible toe injury that took weeks to heal. As you might imagine, there was a lot of tension and unhappiness in our household during that 2 weeks, and I bitterly regretted taking the dog. I would never do so again.

It's extremely mean of your H to stand by and watch you go through all that. Presumably you'd learnt your 'lesson', he didn't need to stick the boot in.

Also @YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp this could be taken several ways, doesn't it?

I personally don't help people when I don't benefit. But what I consider a benefit varies widely. Getting the favour back in future, making me feel good, improving society with charity.

However helping people who are CF's, ungrateful or generally stressful doesn't benefit me. So I won't do it. I also won't help if it doesn't suit me. DP has a difficult relative whom his mother runs around after. She gets so stressed that she takes her anger out by yelling at unsuspecting family, moans, gets worried etc but still helps because it's her 'duty'. Said relative clearly doesn't care whether or not his mum makes the effort, and has enough money to pay people. Relative has also always been difficult. And DP's uncle never lifts a finger.

I'm glad that DP isn't the blindly helping type. It would drive me nuts. Unlike what women are supposedly socialized to do I have no problem saying no, and my life is all the better for it.

He's wasn't sticking the boot in. He was doing as he'd said.
I sure as hell wouldn't clean up someone else's dogs shit in my home when I didn't even want them there.

Exactly!

Why do you need to pay for childcare when your DH is off work? (misses point of thread)

If YOU said yes then YOu need to take responsibility
Stop with the boohoo-ing

Dripping in the morning sun,
I'll be dripping when the evening comes,
Watching the drips roll in,
Then I watch em roll away again

@Mayorquimby2 what a lovely way to end this thread. I love a good sing-a-long.

You don't know you're born means you are lucky, you have an easy life sort of thing.

Did they offer to pay anything towards it or were they just trying to save money?
I can't believe that you H would allow you to pay for childcare when he is on holiday though that is seriously weird.

If my husband brought home a mental dog for 2 whole weeks when I had other plans, I wouldn't be picking it's shit up.
I know it's Mumsnet so I shouldn't be surprised but I am surprised at the mental gymnastics to make this all the man's fault. Quite a feat.

You'd send your friends a thread where you've basically called them CFs?

You should have made this your OP.

OP,

You sound very kind but paying for kennels is part and parcel of owning a dog.

It has become a hot topic as there was an increase in ownership over the past couple of years and kennels are in huge demand.

I have heard of several fraught conversations in family's over "dog care".

It is a huge imposition and your husband is right to say up front honestly, whether he wants to be involved, rather than after you agree to it.

Also your cheeky friends may be a bit of an irritant to him.
I am very wary of people who ask favours easily.

I think it is a good boundary to say that it is not convenient.

It is surprising how quickly saying yes a couple of times can very quickly become an expectation that you are THEIR dog care option.

My friend had a beloved dog for 16 years and was very restricted with her, until she died.
She never asked for any help and it certainly wasn't offered, she just paid her huge kennel bills for her annual holiday.

Her sister now has a dog and without any discussion just presumed she would take the dog for her 3 weeks in France, as she previously owned a dog.

She has absolutely no interest in a high energy 1 year old dog, cute and all as she is, likewise her husband.

Her sister has been most put out and doesn't know what she'll do!🙄

She'll work it out and stump up the extortionate kennel bill, just like other dog owners have to.

Apparently she wouldn't have booked a 3 week holiday if she had known she wouldn't take the dog......however as she failed to ask, it all sounds highly CF territory to me🤷🏻‍♀️

Agreed.
OP, if your husband is a lazy, selfish git, then I think you should be putting your energy into sorting HIM out rather than your friends dogs.