To expect DH to help out with dog?

[Sweaty84]

My friends are a bit cheeky. Often asking for favours.

They've asked me, DH (we've got 2 young DC) to look after their dog for 2 weeks. We all love their dog, especially our DC. She's pretty hyper but v sweet and we have looked after her for weekends a few times

DH is grumpy because it says it stops us being free to do spontaneous things with DC.

But it's us or kennels.

I want to take the dog and think it will be fun. DH says fine but he won't do anything for dog, no walks, no poos, nothing.

I said fine we won't have the dog but DH then felt guilty. We are at a stalemate.

AIBU to expect him to help a little bit and not be so grumpy?

BTW he is off work for most of those 2 weeks and I'll be working from home.

Your friends are freeloaders and I don't blame your husband. 2 weeks free board is saving them a fortune.

I agree with the few in that he is saying he won't help at all but also feels guilty for not helping his friends.

Sounds to me he wants the feel good of helping his friends but actually doing nothing to actually help.

I would call his bluff and say no to having the dog.

From what the Op posted about their conversation in subsequent posts I don’t think it’s that at all.

Rather than feeling bad about not wanting to mind the dog I think it was him telling the Op not to try and make him feel bad.

Why should he help out, though?

Looking after a "hyper" dog with two young DC is bloody hard work, especially when the dog isn't even yours.

OP will be working so the lions' share will automatically fall to her husband who will have to supervise constantly to keep everyone safe.

If I wanted to look after the dog then I would. It’s manageable around you working at home if you want to do it. Surely your husband wouldn’t not let the dog out? That’s just silly, worse than dealing with a stroppy teen.

But with two young children in the house, it won't just be a case of letting the dog out.

If the DC's are out playing, it requires constant supervision. If he wants to nip to the loo, what happens to the dog? How can OP care for what she describes as a "hyper" dog while she's working anyway?

Your friends are really cheeky and have even involved you in the ‘kennel guilt’ and it’s not your dog!

When you get a dog you accept your life will be far more restrictive and expensive. There are plenty of other options than kennels- dog boarding for example, or having someone stay in your home and look after your dog.

I’m with your husband on this one.

I don't think it's that at all. I don't think it's a bluff.

Okay so people don't think he is bluffing.

Personally I wouldn't look after a dog for two weeks if my husband said he definitely wouldn't help in any way so for that reason I would say no to looking after the dog.

Say no OP.

of course YABU, he doesn't want to take the dog so why should he help look after it. Tel your friends no or look after it yourself ffs

But he's on annual leave and she's working from home so inevitably more of the workload will fall to him. It'll be "oh can you just let the dog out/take him for a walk/feed him while I finish this email/meeting" etc

While he'll also be looking after the children. Not that that's a major task but it can get annoying and it's not him who's agreeing to it.

Looking after a dog for two weeks is asking a lot. If my DH volunteered us to look after a dog during two weeks of my annual leave I’d be saying WTF. Especially if he was going to be locked up in the home office.

it’s clear you’d expect him to do quite a lot of it.

your DH is experiencing second hand cheeky fuckery via you 😁

It should be fine though if OP doesn't ask this. Is in her hands not to piss him off with it.

Exactly. You need to tell them No OP. Yes Kennels are expensive, your friends should have taken that into consideration before they got a dog

YABU. I wouldn't lift a finger to help. You want to do this then you do donknoeing that all the responsibility and extra cleaning is on you and you alone.

And If I were him I would expect extra cleaning to be done to combat smell

Do not take the dog! Really just don't do it. They can pay a house sitter, put it in kennels whatever. I'd never ask a friend to do this unless they volunteered and then I'd be paying them!
I am going away five days end of August and am paying a friend's 21 year old to stay to look after them. Paying £180 which is far cheaper than a registered sitter or kennels (I have four pets).
I told a friend I was doing this and she said she would have done it as she lives outside the city and would have bright her young daughter to do some sightseeing. So I've arranged another weekend away. Not paying her though and only two nights and she's basically getting free accommodation in return.

Yeah, the husband isn't bluffing. He's stating a boundary against cheeky fuckers, who have seen OP coming a mile away. She said herself that they ask many favours of her (and through her the family).

It should be fine though if OP doesn't ask this. Is in her hands not to piss him off with it.

Exactly. That's why he's drawn his line in the sand. The reason he feels guilty now that OP has said they won't have the dog is because it'll be obvious to their friends it's him vetoing it.

Totally agree. OP it is in your hands now to say no.

Yabu - if you want to take the dog then you need to be prepared to do 100% of the care - if you can't/won't commit to that then you need to say no.

I am sure if you said yes then your husband would compromise and do some of the basics such as filling a water bowl if he's in the kitchen and sees it is empty or letting the dog out to the garden if he's in the living room and the dog is sitting at the back door as it isn't anything that requires him to do any extra work, but he doesn't want to set the precedent now that he will be doing any dog care. He made it clear that he did not want to care for the fog or be responsible for it and its easier to say "I won't do anything" and then do small non-intrusive tasks than say "I'll only do XYZ tasks" and then risk you asking him to do ABC tasks "just this one time, while I'm busy".

My parents have pets and I often pet sit for them when they go away and even looking after their animals in their home means I have to change my schedule and it requires a massive amount of extra organisation. I am happy to do it as it helps them out (plus the cats are old and get severely anxious in the cattery so I would never want them to have to go there unless absolutely necessary) but I am more than aware of the extra responsibility and my parents make sure to fill the fridge and cupboards, leave money for pet food and bring back a bottle of wine and a present for DD from wherever they have gone as a thank you.

I can't just go out for the day, or if we do it has to be dog friendly; I have to ensure if I'm doing a long shift at work I can get someone to pop in to let the dogs out for a wee during the day; have to schedule time to take the dogs for a walk every day, but can't take the dogs when I walk DD to her extra curricular classes as the dog isn't allowed in the building and I have to go and sign DD in/out at reception; can't just lie in after a late shift as I have to get up to feed/let out the animals; washing and cleaning needs to be more frequent than at home due to dog/cat hair and animal smells (eg at home I only need to hoover a couple of times a week but at my parents it needs to be done daily) etc

YABU. If you agree to do this favour then it's YOU agreeing.

The parallel you draw about DH inviting people to stay and you doing fuck all for them would also be fair. Most couples AGREE on this kind of thing before committing.

To be honest I think your friends are the unreasonable ones! When you have a dog and go away part of the cost of that is to kennel them! I’m paying £300 for my dogs to go into kennels whilst I’m away for a wedding, I wouldn’t dream of asking a friend! They’re a lot of responsibility and it sounds like your friends are just taking the piss.

Sorry to drip feed but just to clarify that the DC are both in childcare. We have a nanny, so I will be working and DH will be not working and not looking after children.

Just because something isn't my problem - I don't really understand this refusal to help outright. Logically of course it's not my problem and they should have sorted themselves out but don't friends help each other out sometimes when they're stuck? Even if it's their fault?

DH - fine. I get it. He shouldn't need to help. I just found him declaring 'I won't lift a finger for that dog' a bit much. Again, it would be a favour to his wife and our mutual friends to help give the dog food/water etc, but he doesn't want to do it - so fine. Just thought a little give and take is ok in a marriage e.g. sometimes you help out with things you don't want to do to help the other person

. But there is definitely a consensus so clearly AIBU on that one. I will say no because the dog is naturally going to go up to DH and interact etc and if it's going to cause DH to be in a mood - then not worth it.

And for everyone saying I'm a martyr, won't listen, etc etc - I think that's a bit harsh TBH.

I will say no. Thanks for all your comments! Even the harsh ones.

We book our dog boarder before we even book our holiday so they've been a bit ridiculous.

He doesn't want a dog so if you want a dog you're going to have to do all the crappy dog stuff.
I don't think he's being unfair. If he invited his parents over to stay for 2 weeks while you're on holiday and he's working you would honestly be OK with that? Because I really wouldn't.

You want to, he doesn’t. 2 weeks is a long time. I’ve got a relative’s dog currently for 2 weeks, but I already have my own 3, same breed, so it makes bugger all difference. If I didn’t have dogs, it would be a huge impact.