To expect DH to help out with dog?

[Sweaty84]

My friends are a bit cheeky. Often asking for favours.

They've asked me, DH (we've got 2 young DC) to look after their dog for 2 weeks. We all love their dog, especially our DC. She's pretty hyper but v sweet and we have looked after her for weekends a few times

DH is grumpy because it says it stops us being free to do spontaneous things with DC.

But it's us or kennels.

I want to take the dog and think it will be fun. DH says fine but he won't do anything for dog, no walks, no poos, nothing.

I said fine we won't have the dog but DH then felt guilty. We are at a stalemate.

AIBU to expect him to help a little bit and not be so grumpy?

BTW he is off work for most of those 2 weeks and I'll be working from home.

Yep. And when you read the “don’t make me feel bad” comment it was clear it was telling her not to try and make him feel bad. Not that he felt bad about the friends

Exactly.

Good point, I only mentioned the kids as OP said he'd given that as a reason, but you are right that just the fact he doesn't want to is a good enough. As they say repeatedly on MN 'No is a complete sentance'

Yes, if we are looking for "valid reasons" then that would certainly be one anyway imo too

I did read it, but thanks for that.
She’s cancelling because he won’t help, but not because she doesn’t think that he shouldn’t be.

Not really the same thing.

And who compares someone’s dog to relatives staying?

Exactly, that's clear as day from the thread title saying she expects him to

Jesus Christ.
Teachers work hard, for not great pay.
I don’t begrudge them a long summer holiday.

If he wants to sit on his area for six weeks instead of looking after someone else’s dog - that’s up to him.

Why is he the bad guy here?

At least OP didn’t agree, even if she can’t get why he doesn’t want to help.

*arse (not area)

He doesn't want to look after the dog. It's his holiday. He cannot look after someone else's dog if he wants. They can put it in kennels or make alternative arrangements or you can look after it.

I have a 5 year old terrier..my DS and DIL take him out regularly and love him to bits but in their house he's hyper and a ruddy nuisance..on the go all the time..pinching socks etc jumping over the furniture ..I wouldn't dream of dumping him on them for a day let alone a fortnight ..it's just too much of an ask unless you're quite prepared to supervise the pup for the entire fortnight...I think your DH has got the right idea and your friends are cheeky buggers.

Non of that BS makes any sense

@Quincythequince How can I cancel something I didn't agree to in the first place?

I only made the comparison with family staying as I've looked after plenty of his friends, his family and their children in my time and I thought he might say something like

"I'd rather not but if you think they're really stuck then fine we can take the dog. I'm not gonna do much for it though ok"

Not "I will not lift finger for that dog"

But I have been told. Don't worry. I posted on AIBU to check if I'm being unreasonable. And I've already stated I've listened and I'll telling our friends no.

Its not his problem. Or my problem. Its my friends problem and I've told them as much. I might just send them this thread.

Now, that's NOT what you said he'd said in your OP, is it?

"I want to take the dog and think it will be fun. DH says fine but he won't do anything for dog, no walks, no poos, nothing."

Why have you changed reported speech here?

Apologies - I've just re-read the OP's most recent post and realised I misunderstood. Ignore me.

I agree it is a harsh thing to say to you.
In his defence, I get the impression you didn’t let him just say no and let that be the end of it. IMO it’s too big a favour to be in the “bit of give and take” category. If I said no to two weeks of dog sitting and my partner tried to twist my arm, I wouldn’t like that either.

I'm on your husband's side, but I would go further and refuse point blank to have the dog in the house. The owners can make other arrangements and factor them into the cost of the holiday.

Why did you agree in the first place. Its not your problem to sort or concern that kennels are expensive.

"Yep. And when you read the “don’t make me feel bad” comment it was clear it was telling her not to try and make him feel bad. Not that he felt bad about the friends"

Exactly. Also the opn going with "OK we'll say no" is trying to put it back on him.

He made his parameters clear and was willing to have the dog in the house for the two weeks but didn't want any responsibility for it's care. The op didn't want the dog under those conditions, but goes with the passive aggressive "we'll say no" when really the husband said go for it if you want, but the op wants to make it his fault for her saying no.

"Yep. And when you read the “don’t make me feel bad” comment it was clear it was telling her not to try and make him feel bad. Not that he felt bad about the friends"

Exactly. Also the opn going with "OK we'll say no" is trying to put it back on him.

He made his parameters clear and was willing to have the dog in the house for the two weeks but didn't want any responsibility for it's care. The op didn't want the dog under those conditions, but goes with the passive aggressive "we'll say no" when really the husband said go for it if you want, but the op wants to make it his fault for her saying no.

I’m afraid you are BVU. He has been clear he doesn’t want to look after the dog, you and the kids love it but maybe he just wants the time before school starts to do things with the kids or just chill out.

And why are you comparing having guests over to looking after a dog? Unless your guests crap in your garden and expect you to use a pooper scooper that’s a pretty bad comparison.

Why aren’t people reading what OP has written. She’s hasn’t agreed to have the dog, she’s explained why she mentioned guests, that her kids have childcare, she’s not expecting him to go lots but was shocked at the not lifting a finger comments and that it’s her friends issue to sort. She’s even accepted she’s been unreasonable and is going to say no. What more do people want? 😂

By the way OP, me and partner both think you should have the dog. My partner thinks your husband is an arse for not even being willing to do some of the smaller tasks like filling a water bowl.

@Sweaty84, you started your OP with

"My friends are a bit cheeky. Often asking for favours."

It sounds to me that your husband is reacting to being asked for one favour too many. And looking after a dog (a "pretty hyper" dog at that) for two weeks is a much bigger commitment than looking after that dog for a weekend.

You also mentioned that he is "a teacher by the way and this is at the end of a 6 week holiday" - does he maybe feel that your "cheeky" friends feel that they can impose on him because he's a teacher with 6 weeks holiday?

Rule of thumb - no-one has the right to volunteer other people to work, not even their spouse. By making his 'I won't lift a finger' speech to you, he has pulled you up short on that - because you were essentially volunteering him.You were going to agree to something that would fall more to him than to you (because you will be WFH and he will be 'on holiday'). It makes me wonder how often you have done this to him in the past? I doubt his comment came from nowhere!

You say your taking the dog "seemed a kinder option of dog and their purse". What responsibility do you have to your friends' purse? The dog is their responsibility and they should have shouldered that responsibility as soon as they booked their holiday by booking it into kennels. Instead, they've presumably left it so they can pressure someone gullible (you?) to shoulder their responsibilities FOR FREE. Do you not feel taken advantage of by that? Your husband does. Why don't you?

You should not take this dog on. Your husband should get to use his 6 weeks as he pleases. Your friends should stop being such cheeky fuckers.

I would say no but be very clear about why. I’d say something like, ‘I’m sorry but we won’t be able to have the dog. You know I love [dog] and would be happy to help but I will be working over the 2 weeks so won’t be available in the day and I asked DP if he’d be happy to help whilst he’s off but he’s said he’s not keen. Hope you’re able to find something suitable.’

It’s fair for him to say no but he should be owning his own refusal and not letting it look like it’s you not willing to do the favour.

Of course yabu
Your dfs are cf too. 2 whole weeks?!

I love dogs too, but there’s not a cat in hell’s chance I’d volunteer to look after someone else’s dog whilst they go on holiday. I’m with your DH, if my OH suggested this I’d give the same response. Why should he spend two weeks of his holiday looking after someone else’s dog if he doesn’t want to?