To think a 10 year old should know and understand they have to do basic hygiene tasks.

[Sofedupofitall]

She just won’t. She hates showering, hates washing and brushing her hair, hates brushing her teeth. She won’t even go for a wee before bed or in the morning when she wakes up. It’s ridiculous!

I’ve told her she will have urine infections, no teeth left by 20, hair will need chopping off etc etc. She just doesn’t care. I’ve given up tonight as I’m done in. She’s been vile all day. Arguing and shouting at me. Even started hitting my arm because she was bloody bored.

m No need for suggestions. I don’t think there is any. I can’t force a 10 year old into the shower and I can’t make her see reason either. Just need to vent.

This isn't normal for a 10 year old op. Does she have SEN?

Have you posted about her before op?

Hygiene is one thing, but surely she will go to the loo if she feels the urge? That's something she can decide for herself.
Teeth cleaning, on the other hand, is something worth you reminding her to do.
If she doesn't shower, presumably other people will comment, but it s not going to affect her physical health.
I'd say pick your battles, and yes, I'm wondering if she has SEN? And/Or a strong resistance to being told what to do?

Low interest in personal hygiene can be a trait of ASD. Does she have any other traits typical in girls?

At 11, DS1 (with diagnosis) is only just really begining to get the hang of it , and it's still not an autopilot thing; he needs talking through routines. At 8, he missed most of his brother's birthday party due to a 90 minute meltdown over brushing his teeth.

HaHaHa my 9 year old will do anything but get in the bath / shower / wash his face properly. Constantly hear - my friends don't have to wash their faces. Will do teeth somewhat willingly - although moans a lot while doing it saying 'it's boring'. I don't think it's that unusual tbh.

No SEN here.

OMG!!!

I have just name changed to post pretty much exactly the same thing! Name changed because a good friend of mine is on here, and I have have just been talking to her about it.

So yes. Very similar situation here. DD (10) won't wash. Just about brushes her teeth and hair. Won't shower without fight. Hasn't showered for 2 weeks. Absolutely stinks. People tell me she stinks. She lies about having a shower. She'll run the shower but not go under it. She'll dampened the top of her hair to make me think that she's showered, then go ballistic if I point out that her skin is dry. She draws on her legs when she is bored at school - there's pen that has been there for a couple of weeks,

This has been going on for about 18 months. Only showers with a fight, then resists for a 10-14+ days. I thought ignoring her on this would make her bored of this particular battleground and she'd wash. No. Nor will she listen to reason. She just stinks. I can't grasp how she doesn't feel the need to freshen up in this weather.

My son 12 has ASD and has no interest either in hygiene. He cannot shower, wash hair, clean teeth, Deodorant etc he needs me doing it / I guide him what to do.

No SEN - that I know of. She does have some bad mood swings but I probably don’t help as I run out of patience and get cross. She’s an angel at school - if I ever mention less than perfect behaviour they are shocked.

I think she’s stubborn and doesn’t like being told what to do. I think she likes pushing boundaries too and is starting to realise we can’t actually make her do stuff and seeing how far she can go.

Ag least I hope it’s that and not SEN.

also not posted about her before.

She can decide to wee when she likes and IF she's gets an infection she'll take antibiotics and I doubt she'll do it again.

The showering etc - non negotiable. WiFi off /no phone/ telly off or whatever, before bed every single night without fail.

Again, I could have written this post OP.

solidarity!

Oh really. I was thinking of leaving her to it and seeing how she reacts when her friends start commenting but I worry that school will mention it first. She swam yesterday and didn’t brush her hakr so it’s pretty knotty. Then she didn’t brush it today and I left it as I thought she’d wash it tonight and put some conditioner on. God knows how we will get a brush through it i the morning.

Honestly, I just think she can't be arsed. And I say that as a parent of a 10 year old girl who would happily wallow in her old muck than take a shower. She cares not a jot about brushing her hair or if she wears the same dirty clothes. She just doesn't care,

She differs from my elder daughter (age 13) In that she's not materialistic or conscious about trends or how she should look. She's a bit 'mowgli' in that she would happily sleep in the dogs bed and roam outside in the woods getting dirty.

Having said all that, we are due to attend her uncles wedding later this summer and she's looking forward to getting a dress and choosing new shoes/nail varnish so she does recognize that it is nice to dress up occasional. Day to day though (and esp in the hols) she's happy slopping about in her pjs. I choose my battles with her and most days it's not worth the fuss. What harm is there? I have a feeling when she hits secondary school (like her big sister) she'll take a change and be more conscious of day to day grooming. Thank god!!

I agree it is not normal.

If she’s always been this way since a toddler, then sensory issues are a possibility which can be caused by ASD or ADHD. Yours seems to be on the oversensitive side. If this is the case, try and get creative. If she won’t shower, will she take a bath? Or use baby wipes/soft cleansing cloth for a body wipe down? If she won’t brush her hair, would she comb it? If she won’t brush her teeth, can she at least do a flouride mouthwash? not saying these are solutions but could be an improvement.

If this is a new and sudden changes, then I hate to say this…but is there any chance she is being sexually abused? I was starting at age 10 and because I couldn’t tell anyone, I stopped all hygiene and started to overeat as a futile attempt to repel my abuser. I am so sorry to mention this, I know my past is colouring this, I know it’s like a 1 in a million chance it might be but even if it helps one girl, I feel I had to post it.

I think I’m going to google asd traits in girls 😢

My first thought is SEN, possibly autism which presents very differently in girls and often only gets picked up around puberty/ starting secondary school when they can quickly go off the rails as they get overwhelmed and can't mask.
Google autism in girls and see if it rings any bells.

My DD11 can be like that - but she has sensory issues and suspected autism. Brushing or washing her hair and cutting toe nails is painful for her so she avoids where she can. Hair brushing, showering and tooth brushing are non-negotiable though, she’ll brush her hair through and I’ll check it for knots afterwards, I cut her toe nails after a bath so they’re softer but there’s always drama.

what if you just take a soapy flannel to her, that's what would have happened in my day.
not that i ever heard of such an issue.
having dirty skin can be risky, for infection if she gets a scratch. infections can turn serious.

I’ve just had a quick google and the only thing that rings true is the moodiness and meltdowns and that’s only at home. Never at school.

she’s actually really social and loved meeting up with friends. She’s a normal level of confident. She does well in school.

She last showered on Wednesday and had a swim yesterday so shouldn’t be too stinky tomorrow. Her hair is very greasy and knotty though. Hopefully she’ll be in a better mood tomorrow but who knows.

what if you just take a soapy flannel to her, that's what would have happened in my day.
not that i ever heard of such an issue.
having dirty skin can be risky, for infection if she gets a scratch. infections can turn serious.

@Sofedupofitall it is a really common autistic trait in girls to be angels at school but really hard work with things like this at home. It's called masking.

Look up Tania A Marshall's signs of autism in bright young girls, see if any of it rings a bell.

It's also really common to not realise a girl is autistic until they transition to secondary school and the wheels fall off!

My (early teen) girl avoids personal hygiene (ASD). I help her shower (wash her hair and armpits, she does the rest with reminders on what to do). We set a sand timer so in and out within five mins. We do that 2-3 times a week. The rest of the time, we use Johnson's baby washcloths to give a little clean on the other days.

Do you have anybody who you see regularly with a daughter a little bit older she admires? Maybe you could speak to them and see if they say something? Like 'oh people at my school all shower everyday, nobody wants to smell's or something. So it doesn't come from mum.

I have to brush her hair and sometimes her teeth. I have to stand over her to get her to brush her teeth and also talk her through getting dressed with reminders.

She could dress herself aged 5 but now I think she has so many things to worry about that she needs reminders, prompts and help.

It can take up to 3 hours to persuade her to get in the shower, even when she knows it's shower day.