To think a 10 year old should know and understand they have to do basic hygiene tasks.

[Sofedupofitall]

She just won’t. She hates showering, hates washing and brushing her hair, hates brushing her teeth. She won’t even go for a wee before bed or in the morning when she wakes up. It’s ridiculous!

I’ve told her she will have urine infections, no teeth left by 20, hair will need chopping off etc etc. She just doesn’t care. I’ve given up tonight as I’m done in. She’s been vile all day. Arguing and shouting at me. Even started hitting my arm because she was bloody bored.

m No need for suggestions. I don’t think there is any. I can’t force a 10 year old into the shower and I can’t make her see reason either. Just need to vent.

Well I’ve had a similar conversation with my DD10 about showering today - she’s an absolute soap dodger. She really doesn’t care about the prospect of smelling and although previously I’ve learned to live with only showering 2 or 3 times a week I’m now starting to push for more often given the hot weather and impending puberty. Today she was arguing with me and I eventually told her that every time she says no she loses time on the computer which did the trick.

My ds is 10 - and a soap dodger if we let him

He's not shy or body conscious yet so I marched him up for a shower before bed tonight. Once he's in he's happy and I potter upstairs and go in to bark "soap your hair" "scrub your knees" etc

He usually asks me to chexk he's rinsed his hair and to wash his back

Teeth are not negotiable. He tried to refuse last week and I told him I'd wrap his arms down in a towel and do it for him if not

I've taught too many smelly teenagers (o often have the "are you able to shower at home?" chat at work

Thanks. I’ll look it up 😢I assumed that would be late for a diagnosis. Apart from this hygiene issue and occasional angry meltdowns, I don’t think she has any traits. Will look though.

My DD was like this from age 10-12, then suddenly realised her hair was greasy and now showers and washes her hair every morning without being asked. So I don't think it necessarily means she's SEN. No one bats an eye when boys do this... girls can be just as revolting

My DD1 is the same OP. Just about to turn 10. She is autistic.

The pre teen years are tough.

But it does sound like there might be something else going on (the hitting when she’s bored is odd at 10, as well as the extreme hygiene resistance suggesting a sensory issue). I would have a word with the school to see if they’ve noticed anything / can keep an eye out.

ASD is diagnosed incredibly late in girls because they mask so well.

The school might also help you manage the hygiene, if you ask her teacher to take her aside and say - is everything alright mini Sofe as you don’t appear to have washed your hair since last week?

Other than that, stand over her and bribery,

whatever she wants, she doesn’t get it until she is clean.

It might not be ASD.

My DCs' 5th grade teachers did a lecture every year about personal hygiene, to the effect that it was rude and inconsiderate to come to school without brushing teeth, showering and washing hair in the last 12 hours, applying deodorant, preferably antiperspirant/ deodorant, or changing underwear/socks.

The teachers had a word with students who came to school smelly. After the first few weeks they all smelled better.

Ask the teacher to have a word?

Buy your DD a book called 'The Care and Keeping of You' published by American Girl Press. It's a gentle introduction to the importance of personal hygiene, discusses the changes of puberty including body odour, and periods and how to deal with them.

Girls of ten are transitioning from childhood to early puberty. It's a very awkward age and it's hard for them to keep all the plates spinning all the time.

You have just described my 10 year old son and 10 year old Nephew and
most of there friends. It is absolutely normal.
my son hates brushing his teeth. My daughter hates getting her hair brushed but she is 7 going on 17!! It will get better.

My 10 year old daughter is the same. Hates bathes or showers, she dosent like the feeling of being wet after and getting dried. Dosent like changing her clothes as she dosent like how new ones feel. Pants are a nightmare too. She’s starting to sweat. I think it’s a sensory thing.

Why don't you just make her have a shower?
If she doesn't brush her hair tell her she can go to the hairdresser and get it cut short

My ADHD son went through this. Mood swings were/are another one of his symptoms.

Sympathy OP. It's not fun.

My DD (11) isn't diagnosed with anything but definitely has some ASD traits around sensitivity to certain tactile things and doesn't really care about hygiene despite numerous reminders and explanations. She showers just enough to keep me at bay, she cleans her teeth but puts no effort in so they are starting to get stained. She let's me brush her hair but would happily walk around with it looking like a greasy birds nest. We had an absolute battle over nail clipping for months, they were dirty and long and ragged and she wouldn't let me near them but she has now learned to trim them herself so she cuts the bare minimum off to stop me going on at her every few days. She doesn't flush the toilet because the noise scares her. She uses the loo and then pulls her pants up and runs out of the bathroom. If I catch her I turn her around and make her flush and wash - sometimes I make her go back and wash her hands a second time because she doesn't use soap. It's been a massive battle to get her accept certain basics of hygiene and although some things I can let go some are absolutely non-negotiable. I have really lost it with her about leaving unflushed poos, she claims she doesn't do it at school or at a friend's house because she knows it's gross- so it's just me she has no respect for.

Why don't you just make her have a shower?

Ah yes! fuck sake OP - why don't you just make her

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Thanks for the face palm.
Who's the parent?
Why's everyone so scared of their kids?

Dd is 9 and our biggest 'arguments' are about getting in the shower then me sending her back as she's not actually cleaned herself. She is also an angel at school and I've given up even raising her home personality as they have clearly never believed me 😆. I remember a phase with her sister too although don't think it was this bad. Maybe I've just blocked it out though. As with a pp she draws all over herself too

Ha ha. Obviously it's that straightforward. Wow, parenting solved - "just make them"

Google sensory processing disorder.

And in other news mine is slightly older but we had similar issues from around age 9 and she didn't even make the transition from bath to shower until she was 11. We get through it by having a strict every other day routine, but it took a lot of work to get to this point. Leaving her to it and hoping her friends will say something wont work - I was crawling with nits, had all the signs of actual neglect and nobody said a word. Nobody. I still had friends (the power of social media tells me 4/5 of my friend group are now diagnosed with ADHD or ASD) and even school back then didn't question it. Thankfully schools are more alert to things nowadays. I would possibly be pro active here and set up a meeting with them.

I'm the parent. I'm not scared of my kids. I do understand, empathise and work with them though.

Forgot to add, DD and I are both autistic.

My 10 year old exactly the same. It was frustrating for a while but I soon got to sense it wasn't out of defiance or anything she just couldn't bring herself to wash and brush etc. She has dyspraxia and showing traits of asd. I have about an hours routine on morning and night to get both my dds through their hygiene routine. It's such a chore but I'm hoping they will get it one day. Some nights it's more than an hour, we don't go to bed until its done. I hope 10yo grows more independent with her hygiene before she starts secondary.

My now 13 year old had to be told to shower and to brush her teeth when she was that age. She has just spent literally all day pampering herself. Shower, hair, fake tan, hair and face treatment, probably shaved etc. Unfortunately the year she spent not brushing her teeth when at her dad’s (he gives the kids Coke and sweets and doesn’t tell them to brush their teeth) meant that she ended up with quite a few fillings.

There was a similar thread not long ago.

It’s not a matter of being scared of kids. I think it’s more a matter of practicality. A 10-year-old isn’t a toddler. Physically forcing a child that age to shower isn’t really an option, is it? It would take at least two people to restrain, strip and forcibly scrub a 10-year-old and there are about a billion obvious reasons why it would be inappropriate.

How do I make her?