To think a 10 year old should know and understand they have to do basic hygiene tasks.

[Sofedupofitall]

She just won’t. She hates showering, hates washing and brushing her hair, hates brushing her teeth. She won’t even go for a wee before bed or in the morning when she wakes up. It’s ridiculous!

I’ve told her she will have urine infections, no teeth left by 20, hair will need chopping off etc etc. She just doesn’t care. I’ve given up tonight as I’m done in. She’s been vile all day. Arguing and shouting at me. Even started hitting my arm because she was bloody bored.

m No need for suggestions. I don’t think there is any. I can’t force a 10 year old into the shower and I can’t make her see reason either. Just need to vent.

Does she even like the shower? DD hates showers so will only have baths.

Dont jump to autism. I went through a not washing phase during puberty.

Also I feel the need to point out that this could be a sensory thing without ASD. It might not be sensory at all. It could be any number of things but going to a GP for referral can’t hurt.

The thing is so many people are nuro diverse or undiagnosed nuro diverse that actually “nuro typical” is the minority

😂😂😂😂

what does she do when you take her phone of her, turn off internet, not let her out with friends, etc till showering, teeth brushing is done?? you cant man handle her into shower, I get that but you can hand out consequences. please tell me you've tried this. it's not clear from your posts

Can I ask if there’s anything happening in her life that could contributing to this behaviour?

Recent bereavements/separations/friendship issues etc.

It's not just ASD

My DD was like this and she has ADHD. They get so distracted every little thing can take forever and reminders are constant.

She's much better now. They can grow out of it.

This is exactly what I would be doing, and ignoring all the ridiculous ASD comments.

It may just be a phase or she may be upset about something, or just feeling down.

I’m not sure punishment is the way to go - if she is feeling low it will make it worse and if she’s just being stubborn she will dig her heels in.

That's what I said and got facepalm emojis.

If she had sensory issues I'm sure the OP would have noticed as she was growing up.
She mentioned this is a new behaviour.

Absolutely loads of girls I know went through a phase like this at around 10 - including my own DD. They had all mostly grown out of it by the middle of Yr 7 so I don’t think it’s outside the realms of normal behaviour.

My DS is similar now, what works for us is a clear matter of fact ‘you’re not doing x until you’ve had a shower’ and a clear expectation that he will shower on a Sunday night every week so he’s clean for school on Monday. He’s 11 now and I think is beginning to come out the other side and will generally have a second shower around Wednesday without too much fuss. the Sunday night routine really helped us though - I think it took about 3 weeks for him to ‘get’ it and shower with low level complaining rather than a lot of stropping and crying

Sounds like me as a kid - I recently had an adult diagnosis of ADHD. It absolutely could be just a gross kid phase but for me it was an executive function/motivation issue. I still remember my mum listing off all the horrible consequences of how I’d be smelly, have no teeth/friends (I know there is truth in it to a degree and self hygiene is important but it hit my confidence as I wasn’t actively avoiding these things, just struggling because I wasn’t NT). Not diagnosing anyone but just thought I’d share my experience.

Children need to be told what to do otherwise they don't learn

You don't say? It's so simple - Lord knows why anyone has a problem when it's so very simple.

Or you could try stating the bleedin' obvious.

Sounds like my dd and she is autistic and no it's not ridiculous to suggest this as previous posters have said. At least your dd has friends is social and a 'normal' level of confidence as you said, mine has none of that so that really is 😢😢😢.

Only on MN would not wanting to wash will equal SN. 🙄

moodiness and meltdowns and that’s only at home. Never at school

Masking at school would use up a lot of energy and leave nothing left to continue masking at home.

I was like this at her age. I'm not entirely sure why, a combination of factors I think. One was a control issue, as in, I was pushing back against my mum. The more she went on about it, the less I wanted to do it.

There were sensory issues too, I hated the feel of the water and the feel of being clean, it made my skin tingle in a way that I didn't like, and I hated the difference in temperature between being in the bath or shower and getting out of it.

So she hasn't showered for 2 weeks and you let her go in a public pool. That's grim.

I've always liked the concequences bit. If you take this action this will happen. Sort of a simple diagram (they use this written down for asd successfully).

So for brushing teeth. 'Brushing teeth gets rid of sugar and bacteria and stops your teeth rotting and breath smelling bad'. So if you brush your teeth you can have sweet stuff like deserts. If you don't brush your teeth you can't have anything sweet as it will damage your teeth.

I've prob explained it badly, but you present it as sort of a simple flow chart of choices and phrase it as a natural conciquence of life and not like it's your decision. Google the written version used for asd and it'll explain it much better.

Since she likes her friends you can also say she can't go out to play or have anyone over unless she's washed and brushed teeth so she's clean and doesn't smell. Again phrase as a normal part of life. Model it yourself by making sure you are noticably clean before you meet people. Point out when you last washed. Maybe even recruit her help due to the heat 'I want to go meet x this afternoon. I had a shower x and washed my hair, but am afraid I might need another due to sweating too much in this heat. Can you sniff test me and see.'

And she has adhd as have I.

Try setting timers. Putting music in the bathroom. Trying one of those teeth tablets that you have to brush off. Cool electric toothbrush. Going to lush for bathbombs or making them together. Bath crayons.

Making it fun and varying things is what can spark interest in someone with adhd and motivating them.

Oh also tick boxes and making a visual morning / bedtime routine for her she can tick off as she goes. Use laminated paper so she can tick and wipe off to be reused?

That can especially help for asd traits. Have teeth brushing of course and maybe a step by step visual poster hung by her sink and a teeth brushing timer. The step by step poster will say things like brush front of teeth x amount of time, tops x amount, etc. Asd here and found it useful during confusing preteen / early teen time.

It might be a struggle even with the props and reminders, but if you manage to make it into a habit it'll be psychologically difficult for her to break it.

Sorry but why can’t you force her in the shower?

so, you are proposing she physically manhandles her DD into the shower and forcibly washes her? Really?

No, it was another child who hadn't showered for 2 weeks.

Disliking showering is not an autistic trait. Lots of autistic kids don’t like showering for various reasons. They are also often very picky eaters, or have trouble with sleep or billions of other things that by themselves are not an indication of autism.
The OP has said she doesn’t have any other traits.

Oh yes. Those teeth stain tablets were great at showing why you brushed your teeth. My mother gave us them randomly and they were both fun and a good reminder to brush teeth properly. We'd be very diligent following the visual step by step teeth brushing poster by sink for weeks after a session with those tablets.

Surprised at the number of people saying not normal.

I’ve got 4 DC tween - young adults and they all went through this stage. It’s revolting but short lived, now I wish I could get them out of the bathrooms.

I know you didn’t ask for tips but one thing that did help with the girls was helping them choose shower gel - the youngest liked the foamy sprays or bath bombs so bath times were more of a treat. Didn’t work all the time but had a fighting chance of getting them into water.

I also bought good electric tooth brushes. 40 seconds with one of those was far more effective than with a manual one.