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To let my dd take this to school

204 replies

flightofthesevenmillionbumblebees · 10/07/2022 21:11

Dd (10) loves stranger things and this w/e bought herself a hellfire club water bottle. She goes to a Christian school. The bottle says hellfire club and has an image of the devils head (as in the programme).

Aibu to let her use this water bottle as her school water bottle?? We are not a religious family and I personally think that this is just something from a tv programme (that is not in anyway about devil worshipping or anything actually related to the devil or religion - under those circumstances I might consider it insulting to Christians), and really is no different to her taking in a water bottle that's Harry Potter themed, or Star Wars etc.

The reason I'm even asking is because a couple of weeks ago dd made up this game where she draws the devil and gives him a 'health bar' like in a video game, and she asks you to think of things that might hurt him (e.g being hit by a car, throwing a spear at him, force feeding him cupcakes, being sat on by a giant panda - I've enjoyed the more inventive funny ones) and the health bar goes down until you kill him.

Just a silly thing she thought of and was doing in her notebook at some point during lunch break. Her teacher 'told her off' (I'm not sure how firmly it was said) and basically said it wasn't appropriate to be drawing a devil at a Christian school. So I'm thinking her teacher might also think it inappropriate to have this water bottle.

I personally don't see anything wrong with her having this water bottle (or the game!) and I'm happy to let her take it in tomorrow. But if her teacher tells her she can't have it then aibu to argue this with the teacher or should I just let it go and tell dd she can't take it in?

(Also apologies I'm using talk app so can't enable voting I don't think)

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PurpleHues · 11/07/2022 11:47

Just watched the trailer for stranger things, that looks like it would be too creepy for my kids and they are older than 10. Does it ever get really scary?

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whataloadabullocks · 11/07/2022 11:53

PeterOhanrahahanrahan · 11/07/2022 10:08

My DD's CofE school sent a note home before Roald Dahl day asking parents not to dress children as witches as this was inappropriate for a Christian school. I thought of asking why they had a problem with witches and not with Roald Dahl being a massive racist. But I didn't because I teach her school is a community, that rules matter and that it's not all about us or our preferences.

See I would have an issue with this. As it so ignorant, I'm actually flabbergasted a school would say this.

In the Tudor and Stuart times in much of Europe, the Uk and America witch hunts were nothing more than a political tool to garner popularity, to cater to peoples blood lust by allowing legal toucher; much like the circus in Roman times. It also important to look at how the church was beginning to lose its grip on the secular world, and absolute monarchy (which was also beginning to lose their hold hence Oliver Cromwell...who loved nothing more than a bit of murder, which given his large wart its amazing no one thought to roll him in hot tar) But suffice to say witches have about as much to do with Christianity as Turnips, and therefore any primary school spouting this nonsense would definitely have me frothing (and I'm not generally a frother!).
Of course the Wiccian belong to a much old belief system than Christianity, but I don't think that's what the primary school are eluding to.

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CatLadyDrinksGin · 11/07/2022 11:53

CatLadyDrinksGin · 11/07/2022 11:45

No but it needs to be flagged as part of the wider picture about that child. If they’re exposed to inappropriate tv there may well be other issues.

Eg a child I know what talked about the scary films he was watching but didn’t mention the porn he was shown or the drugs his dad was using until the films were investigated further.

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Irridescantshimmmer · 11/07/2022 11:56

It could be seen as offensive in a religious school, and to prevent your daughter from any humilation, I would advise her to refrain from taking it into school.

However, schools are different now than they were when I was at school.

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flightofthesevenmillionbumblebees · 11/07/2022 12:05

Dd did not take the water bottle. I did not tell her she couldn’t, but I shared with her some of the points mentioned and gave her the choice. She chose not to (though was a bit grumpy about it). And honestly I’m questioning whether I’ve done the right thing in not backing her up, but I’ve shared my thoughts and others and allowed her to make that choice for herself.

I would like to make one thing very clear. This has nothing to do with being cool, or edgy or attention seeking whatsoever.

I was a very obedient child. I hated getting into trouble and did as I was told. As a result I have spent my life struggling to be assertive and experiencing massive anxiety about breaking rules (including social rules) that I didn’t even agree with.

My dd is also a very obedient child who doesn’t like getting in trouble. Yeah, this makes parenting her easier for sure, but it’s not a ‘quality’ I ever wanted to instil in her and I make the effort to challenge her obedience at times because I don’t want her to go through her life blindly following every rule, even if some she doesn’t agree with. And I want her to have the confidence to stand up and argue for her rights and the rights of others.

How many times have I seen posts on here complaining about the government, complaining about rights being taken away, complaining about mps not following rules they set that many of us didn’t completely agree with. I could go on but I assume you understand my point. The rules, including social rules, we follow are not always to everyone’s personal moral code and many of us choose not to follow some of these rules because we do not agree with them. We all know about America and the changes to abortion laws. Absolute uproar (as there should be imo). I do not agree with that rule and neither do most of you based on the various posts on here.

I’ve also seen an unbelievable amount of posts arguing against trans rights because they clash with women’s rights. If it’s okay to believe women’s rights are more ‘important’ and worthy of being upheld and trans rights shouldn’t supersede them, why do I assume that a Christians rights matter more than my dds right to (innocently with no ill intent) express herself and her tastes? Also worth pointing out that Christians have done far worse than simply ‘offend’ those who didn’t agree with them, and while this is significantly less now it still happens.

I appreciate that a water bottle is an utterly ridiculous comparison to the things I’ve mentioned, but in my mind it’s one small thing that makes her question under what circumstances she has the right to think and do what she wants and believes and not follow the rules and argue against them, and when she doesn’t.

I’m not sure if I’ve explained my points very well but I hope you can understand what I mean. Basically I want dd to stand up for what she believes in and not feel like she always has to put the perspectives of others above her own. But I do appreciate some of the points mentioned as I do care about the opinions of others! I wouldn’t have asked on here if I didn’t.

I have always raised my daughter to care about how other people feel and more often than not she probably does that too much (as do I). I want her to always consider the opinions and feelings of others but I don’t want her to always put other people’s feelings and opinions above her own and that is what I’m trying to teach her.

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Johnnysgirl · 11/07/2022 12:08

Oh give over ballsing on about rights, op 😂
It's a potentially offensive water bottle, her rights have not been violated in any manner whatsoever by leaving it at home.

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Wafflesnsniffles · 11/07/2022 12:12

Yabu. There are so many fabulous tv shows that kids enjoy. Why let your kid watch one that clearly isnt aimed at 10yos. And then to advertise to the school that you let her watch it. And a Christian school at that. Your child ended up there not by your choice but most of the kids parents will presumably have chosen that school because its a Christian school (in name at least, even if its not strict). Have a think about how the other parents will feel at your daughter turning up with stuff/talking about the content in Stranger things.
Too much too soon.

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missdemeanors · 11/07/2022 12:12

You're giving this way too much head space OP.

Oh and if you want an intelligent discussion about rights, start an appropriate thread.

Don't dick about pretending to canvas opinions on whether MNers think you should let your daughter take a water bottle to school.

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flightofthesevenmillionbumblebees · 11/07/2022 12:14

Also thanks for the educational posts, some interesting reading.

I'm actually all for dd learning about different religions as I find them very interesting. I just don't agree with them being taught as fact.

I don't like that dds school teach them in RE about Christianity masses more than any of the other religions, and that Christianity is taught in more of a 'this is true' way and the other religions are taught as 'this is what these people believe'.

I have no desire to remove dd from a school that she's been in for 5 years where all her friends are and she generally feels comfortable and safe. Instead I content myself with just discussing and challenging the religious aspect of her schooling at home (and I have never told her she can't believe in god, I have just explained that I do not and the reasons why).

But I absolutely support the Christian values she is taught that I agree with, but I do so in a 'this is being a good person' way rather than that she should follow them because god says you should if you want to go to heaven.

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Wafflesnsniffles · 11/07/2022 12:16

Ah Ive just seen your latest response. Defensive much.
Stranger things is rated 15+ I cant see any reasonable defence for watching a 10yo watch that......... but ok so plenty of parents think its ok I guess.
Ill never understand why so many parents are so unwilling to just let their kids be kids.

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Lovetogarden2022 · 11/07/2022 12:20

Crikey. I'm guessing this must be a joke post? 😂
Number one - there is absolutely no way my 10 year old would be watching Stranger Things. It's extremely inappropriate, and raises a lot of safeguarding questions.
Secondly - a water bottle like that is not appropriate for any school

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ForTheLoveOfSleep · 11/07/2022 12:26

Putting aside the fact you let your 10 year old watch teenagers being slaughtered, injured, kidnapped and murdered. OP do you even know what the Hellfire Club was? Possibly is?
I really do despair at the lack of historical knowledge some people have. Though in ST it is used as D&D club name it's origins are actually extremely disturbing and interesting and in no way appropriate for any school.

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Stroopwaffle5000 · 11/07/2022 12:36

Another one here who doesn't think it's appropriate for a 10 year old to watch Stranger Things. My DD10 agrees.

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Trinity65 · 11/07/2022 12:47

No, don't let her take it to School OP

Regards the game with the Devil she came up with . Wouldn't worry about that too much as I was writing what can only be described, looking back, some quite horror type stories at her age . I am ok . I think I am ok anyway :)
Her teacher was right though, in her introducing the Devil to her game design notes , in a Christian School .

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Icecreamsodaloda · 11/07/2022 12:56

First they came for the water bottles and I did not speak up...

Seriously OP, I do get trying to make sure your daughter isn't a people pleaser and stands up for what she believes in, but this is not the time for it, it's a water bottle with an image that wouldn't be appropriate for any prinary school as it a) pretty likely to scare some children b) from a show with a 15 certificate. This is not a hill you should be encouraging her to die on!

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maddiemookins16mum · 11/07/2022 12:56

cheeseisthebest · 10/07/2022 21:18

A 10 year old shouldn't be watching stranger things!

This.

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BloodAndFire · 11/07/2022 12:57

RightOnTheEdge · 10/07/2022 22:28

My dc watch Stranger Things and they are 9 and 11. All their friends watch it and so have all my friend's kids. So I really don't think it's that shocking that the OPs dd watches it.
My 11 Yr old said her teacher loves it and the class talks about it with her all the time.
We went to the school summer fayre on Friday and one of the stalls was selling Stranger Things t shirts and Hellfire mugs. One of the girls in yr4 was running around in a T-shirt.
I think from the sound of it OP your dd's school would find it inappropriate though.

The drawing of the devil with health bars thing is from Tik Tok my son did it the other day but with a dragon not a devil. He was asking me and his sister who he should draw fighting it. My dd said it's what everyone is doing on Tik Tok.

your 9 and 11 year old children are on TikTok?

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BloodAndFire · 11/07/2022 12:58

Icecreamsodaloda · 11/07/2022 12:56

First they came for the water bottles and I did not speak up...

Seriously OP, I do get trying to make sure your daughter isn't a people pleaser and stands up for what she believes in, but this is not the time for it, it's a water bottle with an image that wouldn't be appropriate for any prinary school as it a) pretty likely to scare some children b) from a show with a 15 certificate. This is not a hill you should be encouraging her to die on!

do you think maybe you could not do a stupid, unfunny parody about the genocide of six million people just to try to make an irrelevant point?

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Icecreamsodaloda · 11/07/2022 13:01

BloodAndFire · 11/07/2022 12:58

do you think maybe you could not do a stupid, unfunny parody about the genocide of six million people just to try to make an irrelevant point?

Apologies I meant no offense, it was ill judged!

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CoastalWave · 11/07/2022 13:23

Wafflesnsniffles · 11/07/2022 12:16

Ah Ive just seen your latest response. Defensive much.
Stranger things is rated 15+ I cant see any reasonable defence for watching a 10yo watch that......... but ok so plenty of parents think its ok I guess.
Ill never understand why so many parents are so unwilling to just let their kids be kids.

Have you actually watched it? It's a bit like how Young Sheldon is rated 15. Both of them are absolutely fine to watch with younger than 15, as it all depends on the child.

No hardcore sex (in fact, other than Nancy and Steve getting it on in Series 1, which was all implied by the way, not shown, I can't even think of any sex in it) - very little bad language (which given they're dealing with monsters is impressive!) . Main theme is friendship and teamwork imo. The upside down is a world where monsters live. Yes, the child killing scene in the lab in Series 4 isn't appropriate for a younger child to watch so sensible parents would just say, let's skip that bit.

My children both say it's about friendship and beating a baddy. It's hardly Nightmare on Elm Street! It's more ET! It's not psychological in the slightest and clearly about a MADE UP LAND. No drugs. Children are polite to their parents and teachers.

I think people need to chill out. Or else you'll end up like the parents of a friend of mine at school who wasn't allowed to watch Grange Hill. Apparently it wasn't appropriate for a 15/16 yr old to watch. Guess which 18 yr old went off the rails at uni sleeping around and doing drugs? It certainly wasn't me and my parents let me watch pretty much anything.

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GladAllOver · 11/07/2022 13:24

Letting young children watch adult material is denying them part of their childhood, when they could be enjoy childish things.
Let them grow up at a normal pace and deal with the adult world when they need to.

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PurpleHues · 11/07/2022 13:34

There is a massive difference between the brain and development of a 9-12 year old child and a 15 year old.

It's not psychological in the slightest

But it is, the cinematic techniques (based on the trailer) remind of Stephen king. It's made to be suspense and creepy. Why would you want a young innocent child to watch that sort of thing?

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Pixiedust1234 · 11/07/2022 14:05

Oh, you are one of those parents. Should have guessed. Would you have phoned the school and demanded to speak to the Head if she had decided to still take it and they took it off her? You are supposed to be teaching appropriate boundaries as a parent. This wasn't one of them.

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justfiveminutes · 11/07/2022 14:12

I am not going to pile on to say that you shouldn't let your child watch Stranger Things. You know your child best and if you skip the horrible bits (kids chopped in half, kids' bodies being mutilated and so on) and say it doesn't affect her then so be it.

But you must realise that not everybody wants that for their child and taking merchandise to school that promotes it, particularly a CofE school that has already asked her not to draw pictures of the devil, is really disrespectful.

It's not teaching her to question authority or any of the other things you wrote about.

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justfiveminutes · 11/07/2022 14:18

I do think there are plenty of other programmes she could be watching. Stranger Things is great, I love it, but it'll still be there for her in a couple of years. What's the rush? I'm a teacher and it does make things difficult when kids talk about inappropriate programmes and games in class. At worst, it can frighten other children. More likely, they go home pestering their parents to watch it too.

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