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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents cancelling babysitting

467 replies

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 09:48

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

OP posts:
CrossStichQueen · 10/07/2022 09:50

It's rubbish that they want to cancel.
Is it the same wedding? Can you not attend the wedding day part then swap with your parents and take DD so they can attend in the evening?

Stellaroses · 10/07/2022 09:51

What do you mean “after being invited”? Surely they are either invited or not. If they had been invited, surely you discussed whether or not they wanted to attend before making the babysitting arrangements?
What does “makes very strange” mean?

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 09:53

So they sent out the full day invitations back in February... and only just sent out the invites for the evening only part this weekend.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 10/07/2022 09:54

That's annoying, but also understandable they would like to attend the wedding. If it is your side of the family then my dh would go home and take over from GPs after meal and i would do the same if his side.

But October is a while away, is there no other Auntie or GP on Dh side who would do it and you could make sure that dc knows them better by Oct?

Delatron · 10/07/2022 09:55

I think they are entitled to do this. Can you just go to the day part and swap with them? Or you or your DH misses the evening part?

How old is your child?

CGWGWOO · 10/07/2022 09:55

I would guess the op is Irish.

After being invited means invited.

Making strange means a child not settling with strangers.
HTH

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 10/07/2022 09:56

YABU

They have provided plenty of notice that they are now no longer available.

Could you do a swap system so you go to the day and then exchange after the service?

I don't plan to ever miss such events when my parenting days are over.
I will offer to babysit and help but my days of sacrifice will be at an end

11Hawkins · 10/07/2022 09:57

I would swap with them, you go to the day part and they go to the evening part. It is what it is op I'm afraid.

Delatron · 10/07/2022 09:57

You also have until October for her to get used to another family member/babysitter and this would be so helpful in the long run.

EmergencyPoncho · 10/07/2022 10:01

I think YANBU, you've been invited to the whole thing and they're looking after their DGD, someone close to them.

Rainallnight · 10/07/2022 10:01

I think that’s annoying, OP. Presumably they get lots of wedding invitations if they’re Irish people in late middle age! They could have left this one to you.

SeasonFinale · 10/07/2022 10:01

I agree. October is ages away. Time to get your DC used to other babysitters.

Alternatively as suggested perhaps you go to the day and then switch with parents if for some reason you can't find someone in 4 months

AliceW89 · 10/07/2022 10:02

Ah that’s really annoying, especially as it sounds like you are closer to the B+G then they are. I mean you can’t really dictate if they go or not. I think you will need to find alternative childcare or swap with them for the evening do. Sorry!

RandomQuest · 10/07/2022 10:04

You do have a lot of time to think of alternative arrangements. I’d try to sort another sitter but if you can’t find anyone then either your or DH (whichever is least close to the couple) can relieve your parents when the evening do starts.

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:05

No other family member to babysit unfortunately. Dh parents have stated since I was pregnant that they would never be babysitting so we have never asked and never would. We're both only children so no aunties or uncles for her either... i guess we will just have to leave after the meal to take dd home.

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 10/07/2022 10:07

Hire a local babysitter a few time ove the next few months to get your dd used to them. Job done.

onemouseplace · 10/07/2022 10:09

Sally872 · 10/07/2022 09:54

That's annoying, but also understandable they would like to attend the wedding. If it is your side of the family then my dh would go home and take over from GPs after meal and i would do the same if his side.

But October is a while away, is there no other Auntie or GP on Dh side who would do it and you could make sure that dc knows them better by Oct?

This - I assume it is your side of the family if your parents are invited as well, so why can’t DH just look after her in the evening?

Isaidno22 · 10/07/2022 10:10

You’ve got plenty of time to strike up a new relationship with a babysitter. If you are staying over, you can get babysitters who come to the hotel or the venue might be able to help.

Threetulips · 10/07/2022 10:10

How old is the baby? Could you get a baby sitter for the hotel?

EinsteinaGogo · 10/07/2022 10:11

Stellaroses · 10/07/2022 09:51

What do you mean “after being invited”? Surely they are either invited or not. If they had been invited, surely you discussed whether or not they wanted to attend before making the babysitting arrangements?
What does “makes very strange” mean?

It's a way of speaking that many Irish people use.

11Hawkins · 10/07/2022 10:12

Op hasn't said she's Irish where's this whole Irish thing coming from? BlushConfused

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:12

We have been saving ever since we got invited to the wedding. We don't have a lot of spare money and never go out. 1st wedding we have been to in over 7 years. So unfortunately we wouldn't be able to afford trial runs with a babysitter. Its my childhood friend that's getting married and the wedding is just outside of our town so we need to get a can there and back. Couldn't afford for dh to get home for dd and then for me to come home later on. I guess we will both just have to come home straight after the meal

OP posts:
Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:13

And for context I am Irish 😂

OP posts:
Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 10/07/2022 10:15

11Hawkins · 10/07/2022 10:12

Op hasn't said she's Irish where's this whole Irish thing coming from? BlushConfused

People shouldn't have to state their nationality to avoid rude comments

RandomQuest · 10/07/2022 10:15

Is the wedding in a hotel and can they arrange babysitting? Your parents could have LO in the day, you or DH takes over when the evening do starts, does bedtime, then once they are asleep the sitter takes over and you rejoin the party.