Grandparents cancelling babysitting

[Cara671244]

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

I’m on the fence for this one

if you say you will do something you don’t accept a better offer and leave someone in the lurch

saying that, it’s 3mths time - enough time to find a babysitter for the evening

@Cara671244 go to wedding as planned with dh

gp put her to bed and bs arrives 15m
later

as a local wedding won’t take gp long to get there

yes lovely of your friend to offer to have your dd at hers

are her children more flexible so all stay at yours

If you aren’t staying the night then friend can go home once you are back

or she stays in spare room /sofa /your bed and you have blow up bed in living room

you have months to sort this

seems a shame for your parents to miss out as well if a solution can be found

They should definitely just watch your kid. No offence but they've had their youth and been to a lot of weddings I'm sure. And don't worry about them making strange, they'll grow out of and be running around bold as can be before you know it.

No offence but they've had their youth

There are good reasons why the GPs should stick to their commitment, but this isn't one of them.

Good grief.

End of the story is you have plenty time to find a new sitter. Your parents are entitled to a life too. This is your child not theirs. You have 3 months for your child to be acclimated to a new person. I am sure you have cousins, aunts, brothers, sisters, friends...Find a new sitter.

Just another person that hasn't read OPs posts... she has no siblings and no other family nearby to babysit for her DD. She has found a kind friend who will do it but it is meaning her friend is having to bring her 3 children to stay at their house. She cannot afford to have trial runs with a paid babysitter and child is not great with unfamiliar faces... mine is 4 and sure wouldn't like a random stranger coming in the house to look after her.

Sick of reading all these arrogant 'helpful' responses when you are joining the end of a long thread.

Personally I think the end of the story is that you don't accept invitations if you have already made a commitment to do something else at that time!
If OP had asked her parents to babysit and they'd already made plans to be out then you could argue fair enough, not their responsibility. But they made plans after agreeing. GPS babysitting is only a favour if they actually do what they agreed!

Nurse mumma, you could just scroll through

As could you but here you are again continuing to comment.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wish I had your life if you think reading 13 pages is a useful priority. Behave.

You are the ones being unreasonable because you are the ones who gave birth. It's your job you have enough time to find a different babysitter. The grandparents already raised their kids obviously and if they want to go to a wedding then so be it.

Not exactly 13 pages is it- it's one click

Honestly, there are so many threads on MN that if posters don't have the time or inclination to read a long one, they can easily choose something less demanding. But if you are going to comment, it's courteous to at least read what the OP posts.

So no one has to keep to an arrangement (grandparents/child minders/babysitters etc) when they have agreed to do something, because the parents are the ones who "gave birth"??That means anyone can let any parent down when they choose, yes?

Have heard it all now

Yes you heard from a single mom of four. If they only want to rely on one person as a babysitter period then expect that or find other alternatives. That is the parents responsibility not to grandparents and if they want to go to the wedding of people that they watched grow up says as she said a childhood friend with her parents did watch grow up then that's their choice.

I think YANBU, OP. They've made a commitment to babysit and they should stick to it. In their shoes, I would politely decline the invitation and not tell you that I'd also been invited, so that you wouldn't feel guilty or awkward about going to the wedding and leaving me to babysit.

i wonder if those saying it’s not unreasonable for the go to do that have no problems with having some time for themselves or with getting. Babysitters?

we’re in a similar situation, we only have mil to have lo & we ask just once a yr- our anniversary, and that usually ends up a month late as we work around her work. Which we don’t mind as we’re grateful she has them for the weekend.

this time, we’d arranged it & then she says she can’t have them on the sat nite onky Fri nite & some of sat & sun if we want.
whilst that might seem reasonable, it’s once a yr we ask, why for this 1 weekend of the yr she couldn’t stay in for her grandchildren & to help
Us out, who have been under a lot of stress recently, definitely annoys me.

but there’s nothing we can do about it, have to be grateful at what we can get, I realise it’s our choice to have the kids etc etc, but it would
be nice to have some time for us now & then, it’s just not possible.

I just feel that yes they may have ‘done their time’ but if it’s once or twice a yr & they get to ‘hand them back’ and they are their grandchildren who I’d of thought they would enjoy spending time with & want to form a bond, then why is it so difficult.
they obviously don’t want too! But have helped DH sister out a lot with their kids!
leaves a biter taste, but we can’t ‘kick a gift horse in the mouth’ as we’d be spotting ourselves.

people that have fairly free/east access to go/family for babysitting are so lucky & throes that will have their children whilst they work are even luckier!

just a shame our family isn’t like that, but never mind. I feel like I’d help my kids out as much as I could, within reason.

Sorry for the spelling errors, I can’t edit my post, just mistyped on my
phone.spotting is spiting,
throes is those.

I think your parents Abu. They accepted your request for help (I.e. babysitting) and its really shitty of them now to renege just because they got a better offer, even worse that its the same wedding. They should have declined the invitation because they already had prior commitments. BTW I'm scottish and I understood your first post no problem.

Nurse mumma, I do scroll through, but I'm not the one complaining about it, I think it's OK for people to join the discussion at any stage

Loulou, it is tricky I agree, we've been let down on babysitting at the 11th hour also by family, but if it's someone doing a favour rather than a cash transaction there is not much that can be done about it, I certainly would never want to fall out about it.

I think your parents are being unreasonable tbh. They already made plans for the evening (looking after your dd), so should have declined the invitation.
Could one of them go to the evening part whilst the other stays home and looks after the little one?

Delighted for you OP, I Think we all know what it feels like to be looking forward to a real treat and then having it hang like a carrot in front of you. You have a great friend and I hope you have the most wonderful day at your dear friend’s wedding, dance like nobody is watching and just have the best of craic enjoying time with your DP!

Selfish of your parents really. Especially as they hardly ever see the bride, she’s a long-standing friend of yours and they had already agreed to babysit.

what’s their financial position? You’ve said you couldn’t afford it but are they in a position where they could pay for you to have a room at the hotel?

Glad you have found a solution OP. What a lovely friend you have 😊 Hope DD settles and you and DH are able to enjoy the whole wedding. Not sure I’d be wanting to spend time with my parents at the wedding though if I were you… really very poor to change plans when a ‘better offer’ comes along especially as they’ve only been invited out of politeness. I’m kind of cringing for your parents tbh.

Tbh I sort of get where OP is coming from. In my opinion - quite an unpopular one I imagine she isn’t being unreasonable. If your parents were as wanted in the wedding as you, they would have been given a full day invite. The fact they’ve dropped DGD to go for a half invite is a bit sucky. I wonder if the couple understand that now your parents are invited it means it puts you in an awkward childminding situation which could curtail your presence?

When my Best mate got married, BM invited my parents to the evening, but my mum acknowledged that would cause problems for us and so they declined. She could see it was more important for my friend that I was there. Evening invites are lovely, but let’s be honest you’re on the B list.