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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents cancelling babysitting

467 replies

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 09:48

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

OP posts:
Luidaeg · 10/07/2022 11:12

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:47

Neither me or dh drives... I've asked my friend if dd can come for an hour or two in the evening and she said its a child free wedding which I respect fully. I did kind of assume that anyway

But you still haven't said if you have considered you and dh go to day time, he goes home to look after dd in the evening and you travel back with parents after

BiFoldChampion · 10/07/2022 11:14

I think that’s not on - but a hard one!

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:15

No one is obliged to watch someone else’s kids. Especially with three months notice.

Carrotmum · 10/07/2022 11:15

I’m a grandma and I think that what your parents are doing is awful. They’re going to sit at an event that they’ve been asked to as a courtesy, stopping you who have actually been invited being able to go, don’t they think that the bride and anyone else who knows the situation is going to be thinking that they are total selfish CF’s. If I’ve agreed to babysit that’s it in my diary regardless of whatever else comes along, illness or emergency aside of course. If I were you I would definitely start exploring other babysitting options, you have disregarded every suggestion that PP’s have made but this won’t be the last time you need a sitter and your parents have shown you that they can’t be relied upon.

Garman · 10/07/2022 11:16

AtillatheHun · 10/07/2022 11:09

If your parents are only invited to the evening part, they can do the day, put her to bed and then come. They might arrive a little after the stated time in the invite.
you hire a sitter for while dd is asleep and she’s none the wiser. Alternatively get her used to another babysitter between now and October- you’re making life hard for yourself without one, but I’m guessing a lot of lockdown babies are like this because of the poor opportunities for socialising

Did you not read where the OP said they don't have money to trial a babysitter between now and then?

We also live in small town Ireland and can't even get a babysitter, everyone uses family members, grandparents or teenage nieces nephews or cousins, options we don't have. OP would you not send your husband home to mind her while you stay at the wedding, seeing as she's your friend? Why do you both have to leave? He could get a taxi back to town and you could get a lift with your parents later on or another taxi. If you had budgeted for drinks for both of you a second taxi should still be possible money wise.

worriedatthistime · 10/07/2022 11:16

Can they not bring your dd in the evening with them so you get day child free and then your dd their in evening - or is it a no kids event

Flederjo · 10/07/2022 11:18

Luidaeg · 10/07/2022 11:12

But you still haven't said if you have considered you and dh go to day time, he goes home to look after dd in the evening and you travel back with parents after

Show quote history

Yes @Cara671244 you've not responded to this sensible suggestion from many posters at all???

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/07/2022 11:18

I get your disappointment but I'd do what others have suggested and your partner leave before the night do and you come home with your parents later. That shouldn't cost too much (or any more depending on how your parents come home) more than you and oh leaving later at same time.

It's a shame but that way you don't miss out

Mindymomo · 10/07/2022 11:20

We would only leave DC with my in-laws, so I understand your predicament. Have you considered a cheap air b&b nearby for all of you, so you could go in the daytime and meal and GP go in the evening.

Spanielsarepainless · 10/07/2022 11:20

You have at least ten weeks to arrange an alternative. Or one of you go to the daytime and one to the evening.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/07/2022 11:21

yes that's unkind of them to go back on their word when you were looking forward to it. At least they will still have her in the daytime so you can go to that part.

PP has a good idea that you stay on with your parents and dp goes home to look after dd. It's a shame not to have a night out together but you have the day together. Unfortunately that is the way when you don't have willing relatives and your dc are sensitive.

I sympathise - my parents have not done much babysitting over the years and have cancelled at short notice before. DC are 8 and 10 and never see them alone. it's better now we can use paid babysitters, but sad the dc ask to spend time alone with them and they refuse. I think it's just tough because the general feeling is that gp love to see their gc and do what they can, so it hurts when it doesn't happen for your family. I hope you find the best solution for you and put it out of your mind for a while.

Bournetilly · 10/07/2022 11:22

YANBU your parents sound really selfish.
They have already agreed to babysit so should of declined the invite. It’s your childhood friend and I can’t believe they would choose to go over you.

Fadeout83 · 10/07/2022 11:22

Looks, your kid is going to have to get used to staying with other family and friends. You deserve a night out. She’ll be fine. Find a friend, family or a sitter.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 10/07/2022 11:24

Flederjo · 10/07/2022 11:18

Yes @Cara671244 you've not responded to this sensible suggestion from many posters at all???

Show quote history

Pretty sure she did and said they couldn't afford it.

catandcoffee · 10/07/2022 11:25

Speaking as a Grandparent your parents are bloody awful to do this to you.

Have they no shame, to be at a wedding drinking and dancing while their daughter has to leave early and go home.

It's a terrible thing to do in my opinion.

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 11:26

Flederjo · 10/07/2022 11:18

Yes @Cara671244 you've not responded to this sensible suggestion from many posters at all???

Show quote history

I have answered above. I said we would both need to leave after the meal. Dh or I hardly drink so we wouldn't need much in our budget for that. The wedding is out of town so we couldn't afford to go home separately. My parents are much closer to the wedding then me so I would still need to pay for my own cab home.

OP posts:
Doggydarling · 10/07/2022 11:27

11Hawkins · 10/07/2022 10:12

Op hasn't said she's Irish where's this whole Irish thing coming from? BlushConfused

It's come from the terminology used in the OP which has been explained by a pp. I recognised the phrases immediately as I am Irish but some didn't. OP has since confirmed she is Irish.

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 11:28

You have plenty, plenty of time to arrange for something else. To even get a babysitter and get her used to someone else. Your baby needs that. In an emergency, if your parents and dh couldn't have her then what?? Most children don't immature take to strangers, but that's why you have 10 weeks or so to work around that.

Iwonder08 · 10/07/2022 11:29

They are your parents, you can tell them openly they are selfishly ruining your plans. Ask them why they are doing it esp given the bride is your friend? Surely they know you very rarely go out hence this very long notice. Now they are cancelling and why? Is this wedding so important for them?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/07/2022 11:29

Why the heck can't you just stay overnight with your parents?
Any way, I give up. I think you should both leave after the wedding in that case and be bitter about it.

bellsbuss · 10/07/2022 11:29

Does your daughter go to nursery ? If she does nursery workers usually do babysitting on the side.

TheTeenageYears · 10/07/2022 11:30

Why on earth would your parents want to go to the evening do of a wedding to a childhood friend of your's if you aren't there? Will they know anyone else? No you don't have any right to have them provide childcare so you can go to the wedding but most people would hope they wanted to help out. I can't understand why they would then go at your expense. It's not about being entitled, I can't imagine going to the evening do of one of my DC's friends if I had already committed to looking after DGC so the actual friend of the bride can go.

AllyCatTown · 10/07/2022 11:30

You couldn’t go to the wedding without your husband?

Rosecoffeecup · 10/07/2022 11:30

That is an arsehole move by your parents, YANBU at all.

Are they likely to still want to go if the penny drops and they realise that you and DH won't be there in the evening if they are? Or are there alot of othet guests that they know?

Luidaeg · 10/07/2022 11:30

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 10/07/2022 11:24

Pretty sure she did and said they couldn't afford it.

Show quote history

What can't they afford?

She hasn't said that at all, she said she couldn't afford to go back separately, but nothing about travelling back with her parents if dh went home first to look after dd

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