Grandparents cancelling babysitting

[Cara671244]

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

What a dick move. Can you ask them to form out for a babysitter replacement.

Your parents should decline, as it sounds like they’re not family friends with bride or her parents.

You need to be direct with your parents and tell them what you’ve said here.

I wouldn't leave my baby with strangers and feel that a whole day and night is too much to ask of friends.

I wouldn't attend the wedding, in this case.

If it's your childhood friend, I agree with the PP that you and DH drive to the wedding. Your parents have DD during the day and then bring her to the evening do.

DH then either drives back with DD when they arrive, or else see how long she can manage it - mine were up til 9pm/10pm at weddings at a similar age. Then he drives her home and you get a taxi home with your parents later on. Everyone gets to go, no fuss, plus DD might enjoy an hour or two of dancing.

Can dh not go to take over babysitting leaving you and your parents to the party?

I actually think your parents have been really unreasonable here. This is your oldest friend, they said they would babysit and now you’re going to have to miss out on the party bit.

It's obvious from the language used!

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim I think it's a fair question here as "after being invited" means "angling for an invitation" in British English and "invited" in Irish usage.

This is true. I first read this as the parents were now lobbying for an invitation.

In that case I do think your parents are being awfully selfish.

They hardly know the girl, FFS. So strange that they are prepared to let you miss out on your friend's wedding party so they can go.

YANBU

It’s mean of your parents to cause you to potentially miss out on the full day of your childhood friend’s wedding. I know they’re not obliged to do babysitting but they agreed to it. It seems like it won’t mean much to them. They should also know it’s because of you they were invited. If I were them I’d feel awkward at you saying goodbye to friend so they can attend wedding of their daughter’s friend.

I think though there should be potentially ways around it. What if you just go instead alone? Then your husband can stay at home? Or if your husband comes for the day then leaves when your parents come and then you leave later with your parents?

Neither me or dh drives... I've asked my friend if dd can come for an hour or two in the evening and she said its a child free wedding which I respect fully. I did kind of assume that anyway

Your parents have a prior commitment, so they should have declined the wedding invite. They know they are letting you down AND it's your friend getting married.

On the other hand, they'd also be be missing a treat and if they're providing free babysitting for you on other occasions, I can see why they might be rankled at missing out.

The obvious answer is your parents babysit during the day and bring your DD to the event. Your husband goes home to look DD while you enjoy the evening event. You then go back with your parents and stay there overnight to save taxi fare.

Hard agree.

I mean, won't it be awfully awkward for them being there without OP when they only know the bride through her?!!

I’m really cringing for your parents - I’m assuming it’s driven by your mum - accepting an invitation so clearly made out of politeness that means you’ll now have to bow out. The bride will think that’s really odd - surely it goes without saying that she’d rather you, her friend, were there than your parents?

You have 3 months to get dd used to a new babysitter. Never let yourself be stuck again!

Oddly enough I found myself in a similar situation, but as the grandparent. I agreed to have my GD so that my DD and SIL could go to a wedding. Months later I got an evening invitation from the bride, too! And same thing, I know the bride slightly, but not so well that I'd expect an invitation, and I haven't seen her for some time.

I was very touched that she invited me, and RSVPd to say so, but that I wouldn't be able to come as I'm looking after DGD.

Oh I hadn't realised this. Oops

Yeah I think it’s pretty shitty of your parents, they know you never go out and we’re really looking forward to it. What a shame, I’d be disappointed too.

Can't your parents drop you home at the end of the night?

I thought in Ireland children were welcome at weddings and day/evening split doesn’t happen?

Really depends on the choices of the bride/groom in regards to children and day/evening split does happen often. I've been invited to a few weddings over the years for the evening part only.

Given the context that your parents don’t even know the bride well and that additionally this isn’t something you get to do very often (go out, let alone to a wedding) I think they’re really mean and quite selfish. Doesn’t help you though sadly. Really hope you get to enjoy the service & meal.

Most Irish weddings have babysitters, as do most hotels. What age is your child?

Do you have any fiends that could mind your dd?

I'd happily mind my friends little one so they could attend a wedding.

Mine are grown up but I regularly mind one friends 1 year old for her to attend appointments.