Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents cancelling babysitting

467 replies

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 09:48

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 10/07/2022 10:19

Can you ask your parents for help with the babysitting costs?

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:19

RandomQuest · 10/07/2022 10:15

Is the wedding in a hotel and can they arrange babysitting? Your parents could have LO in the day, you or DH takes over when the evening do starts, does bedtime, then once they are asleep the sitter takes over and you rejoin the party.

Yes it is but we aren't staying the night. Way out of our budget. The bridie doesn't have children so I doubt there's a sitter.

OP posts:
ClocksGoingBackwards · 10/07/2022 10:19

How close are your parents to the couple or her any of their parents? I can understand why they’d want to go, but if the connection is through you, it is a bit mean if it means you missing out.

Is there any chance they’d bring your dd with them to the evening and you get her back there? Could your DH take her straight home and then you stay and get home with your parents?

ThorsBedazzler · 10/07/2022 10:19

I've had my parents cancel for things because they have been invited to something (never the same wedding) and to be honest, it made me feel that their commitment to me (to look after their grandchild, something they complain they don't do often enough) wasn't as important as the other event. Which they could have declined

Anyway, I think YANBU- your parents gave their commitment to you. They said they would look after their DGC so you could attend the whole wedding and reception.

Their being invited is not a summons for them. I guarantee the bride and groom would understand that your parents can't make it because of prior commitments.

All the PP saying that "oh well, you'll have to just not attend the evening bit so your parents can" genuinely baffle me. It isn't as though you had accepted the invitation, hadn't asked your parents to babysit, then once they got invited you got upset despite never asking them to babysit.

Your parents have made a commitment to you. It's pretty off if they turn around and say they have a better offer for their time so now you can't attend.

Delatron · 10/07/2022 10:21

Any friends who would help out? I’d look after a friend’s child happily so they could go to a wedding. How old is DD?

Aksbdt · 10/07/2022 10:21

It’s a bit crap of them really; they should have just kept to what they agreed.

2pinkginsplease · 10/07/2022 10:22

I think it’s a bit shit of our parents to agree to baby sit and then pull out because something else has came up.

does your child go to nursery could you ask one of the leaders/nursery teachers to help you out?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/07/2022 10:22

If its your childhood friend
You and dh day. Dh leaves to look after DD. Your parents arrive and you go back with them at the end of the evening?

Viostep · 10/07/2022 10:25

YANBU. You don't back out of a promise after a better offer comes along. So selfish. It sounds like they are not interested grandparents usually.

So disappointing that you can't have a very rare celebration at your childhood best friend's wedding. I would attend the ceremony and leave before the evening, stating the truth - your babysitter let you down.

Be prepared for them to back out of the daytime babysitting as well. Something tells me they will.

I wouldn't make a big deal of it to them but I would be taking a step back and suiting myself from now on. I would still see them and have a relationship with them, but I won't be putting myself out to help them in future.

Hope you can sort something OP

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/07/2022 10:25

Or your parents bring dd to the evening shindig, depending on her age

TidyDancer · 10/07/2022 10:26

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/07/2022 10:22

If its your childhood friend
You and dh day. Dh leaves to look after DD. Your parents arrive and you go back with them at the end of the evening?

I think this is the most sensible option tbh. Although I understand why it's annoying that they are doing this.

Alternatively, could you pool babysitting resources with another friend going to the wedding? Must be some well know families if it's a childhood friend.

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:27

For those asking dd is just gone 3... the bride is somebody who my parents haven't seen in years since I moved out. She was just being nice inviting them to the evening part. She didn't realise that they were my only option to babysit. We only catch up when we can. She lives in another town now and is young and child free. I on the other hand am not. If she had of realised she said she wouldn't have invited them but obviously can't uninvite them now.

OP posts:
AppleCharlottie · 10/07/2022 10:28

Could one of you not drink at the wedding and drive yourself home afterwards?
Or share a cab with your parents later on?

HoppingPavlova · 10/07/2022 10:28

Can’t you and DH go of a day while grandparents mind DD. They can bring her with them to the evening do and hand her over to DH who can get the cab home. You could then tag on home with your parents so no double cost for you going home separately to your DH. There’s a way.

Isaidnoalready · 10/07/2022 10:29

Are you able to take dd to the evening party? My dd was 2 at her first wedding she stayed for part of the evening

Sapphire387 · 10/07/2022 10:32

Have you told your parents that if they decide to join the evening party, you will have to go home and miss it?

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:33

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I was really looking forward to spending the whole afternoon and night child free. Dh works nights and at weekends too so has booked this night off work too. As I said we never go out because we can't afford too so this was a real treat to us

OP posts:
zingally · 10/07/2022 10:33

Assuming it's a family wedding, whichever side it's on, that person goes, and the partner stays at home with baby.
People are generally more interested to see the blood relative than they are the husband/wife anyway.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 10/07/2022 10:35

I've changed my stance. I assumed it was a family wedding or mutual.

Are they even going to know anyone to socialise with?

gold22 · 10/07/2022 10:35

I think it's pretty shitty of your parents really.

Granted they don't have to babysit if they don't want to, but who would actually insist on going to the evening do of your daughters friend when that means your actual daughter can't go

Rainbowqueeen · 10/07/2022 10:35

E@HoppingPavlova idea sounds the most practical in the circumstances.

Or else see if you can exchange baby sitting favours with a friend. You sit for them a few times and then they sit for you in a couple of trial runs - no money exchanging hands and then they do the wedding. Even if you can’t afford to go out somewhere - just go for a walk or a picnic.

The only other possibility I can see is that DH doesn’t go at all and stays with DD

KarrotKake · 10/07/2022 10:35

Drive to the wedding.
Parents bring DC to the evening, and DH drives home with child pretty much straight away.
You and parents get cab home later.

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:36

Isaidnoalready · 10/07/2022 10:29

Are you able to take dd to the evening party? My dd was 2 at her first wedding she stayed for part of the evening

She hasn't been invited and the bride/groom have no nieces or nephews so I don't think there will be any children there. Also she goes to bed at 7pm and I just think it would be a disaster as she would be tired and then the loud music. We wouldn't be able to relax either so I would rather be home with her instead

OP posts:
Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:37

Sapphire387 · 10/07/2022 10:32

Have you told your parents that if they decide to join the evening party, you will have to go home and miss it?

Yes there fully aware of that

OP posts:
orbitalcrisis · 10/07/2022 10:39

So they offered to do something months ago but now they have something better to do, they're cancelling. Nice. You know what to do the next time they ask you for a favour!