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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents cancelling babysitting

467 replies

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 09:48

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

OP posts:
Vikinga · 10/07/2022 11:32

Your parents are being dicks.

However, babies change a lot in a few months so she may be ok to be babysat by someone else by October

Doggydarling · 10/07/2022 11:32

A lot of weddings in Ireland are child free, mine was 14 years ago and while unusual back then it's actually relatively common now, we didn't have 'afters/evening' invites either and I haven't seen a wedding which did for a long time but maybe with the costs having spiralled evening invites are returning, I thought they'd vanished in the 90's.

Delatron · 10/07/2022 11:33

The thing is you’ve now seen you can’t rely on them. So if you ever want to go out you do need to work on other childcare options and get your DD used to other people. It’s so beneficial.

Helpyou · 10/07/2022 11:34

This is so silly, surely your dd would have been staying at your parents? So the sensible thing would be for you and DH to attend the day, then DH goes to your parents to let them attend the evening do then you and your parents share a cab home. Why would you need a cab home alone? Why wouldn't you just stay with your parents?
You sound resentful. How were your parents supposed to know they would be invited. If this is a childhood friend then surely your parents have known them longer than your DH anyway.

sillysmiles · 10/07/2022 11:34

It's July and you have until Oct to sort this not. Your DD is 3 so not a small baby and is probably starting the ECCE is Sept?

You are being unreasonable to expect them to give up a night at wedding too.

Contact local creches to see if any staff babysit at night for cash and start getting her used to other people

Making strange is just a phase she'll grow out of
This doesn't have to be a bit deal and you are sounding a bit spoilt bratty. There are other solutions-they just require some effort from you.

NumeroZero · 10/07/2022 11:36

Stay at your parents.

You need dh go, dd at parents house to be baby sat.

Dh returns to parents house while dd sleeps and parents attend the evening.

You return with parents to their house.

Parents take you home the next day.

Or, you go without DJ. Yes it is rare you go out etc but this is a viable solution.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/07/2022 11:36

Your parents are being unreasonable and not very nice IMO.

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:37

I like how the husbands parents get a total pass here as well. Ah well it’s just expected they’ll do fuck all so that’s fine but the OP’s parents are arseholes.

Iwonder08 · 10/07/2022 11:38

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:37

I like how the husbands parents get a total pass here as well. Ah well it’s just expected they’ll do fuck all so that’s fine but the OP’s parents are arseholes.

They are indeed arsehokes because they have promised OP to look after DD and now they are back peddling because now they have been offered better things to do.

goldengirlsoncraic · 10/07/2022 11:38

AllyCatTown · 10/07/2022 11:30

You couldn’t go to the wedding without your husband?

I think this is the answer.
Leave your DH for the whole time looking after your DC.
You go to the wedding alone,
It takes the power away from your parents as they can't d op anymore bombshells on you.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/07/2022 11:38

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:37

I like how the husbands parents get a total pass here as well. Ah well it’s just expected they’ll do fuck all so that’s fine but the OP’s parents are arseholes.

His parents didn't agree to have her and then change their minds, leaving OP and her DH up shit creek 🙄

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:39

With three months notice. Because they have an invitation to something they want to do. The OP isn’t even trying.

OopsTooLate · 10/07/2022 11:41

If it's your friend do your parents not realise the bride probably only invited them out of politeness and would probably rather they stayed and babysat so you, the bride's actual friend, could attend the whole thing?

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 11:41

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/07/2022 11:38

His parents didn't agree to have her and then change their minds, leaving OP and her DH up shit creek 🙄

Show quote history

Oh stop it. Shit creek 🙄 Don't be so bloody dramatic. The op has 3 months to sort herself out. That is plenty of notice, in fact you get wedding invites with less notice. Shit creek would be the week before. So much drama on this thread.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/07/2022 11:43

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:39

With three months notice. Because they have an invitation to something they want to do. The OP isn’t even trying.

It doesn't matter how much notice they've given.

OP accepted the invite because her parents agreed to look after their granddaughter. It's shitty of them to then cancel on them knowing it causes their daughter problems.

It's not like they're cancelling on her for an important event - it's their daughters' friends wedding and the evening do at that. It's hardly vital that they go, especially when it's at the expense of their DD's plans 🙄

TonTonMacoute · 10/07/2022 11:43

Delatron · 10/07/2022 11:33

The thing is you’ve now seen you can’t rely on them. So if you ever want to go out you do need to work on other childcare options and get your DD used to other people. It’s so beneficial.

This.

Imightbe · 10/07/2022 11:43

Helpyou · 10/07/2022 11:34

This is so silly, surely your dd would have been staying at your parents? So the sensible thing would be for you and DH to attend the day, then DH goes to your parents to let them attend the evening do then you and your parents share a cab home. Why would you need a cab home alone? Why wouldn't you just stay with your parents?
You sound resentful. How were your parents supposed to know they would be invited. If this is a childhood friend then surely your parents have known them longer than your DH anyway.

This !!

OchonAgusOchonOh · 10/07/2022 11:44

I think your parents are being horrible. They must know that they only got a courtesy invitation because of your relationship with the bride. How they wouldn't be mortified, turning up, wishing the bride well, knowing that you had had to go home, I don't know? Surely they realise the bride will be disappointed at you leaving and will see it as their fault?

Obviously it's their choice but given they already know you will have to leave if they go, their brass neck obviously knows no bounds so it looks like you have no choice but for at least one of you to leave early.

I know you said you live quite a bit further away than them, but if you dh left early to collect dd, would your parents drop you home at the end of the night so you didn't have to get a cab? I would see that as the least they could do. Alternatively, could you stay over with them and use public transport to go home the following morning?

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/07/2022 11:44

@Mally100 it doesn't matter that it's three months notice.

They promised to help their daughter out and now they're cancelling for a better offer. That's not a nice way to behave and has left their daughter in a sticky situation.

I can't for one minute imagine my parents deciding that attending my childhood friends' evening do was more important than looking after their grand-daughter for the night.

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:47

It’s just the utter helplessness. Neither can drive. Neither can afford to pay for taxis. Child wouldn’t countenance staying elsewhere. I mean where is the resilience and self sufficiency?

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/07/2022 11:48

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 11:47

It’s just the utter helplessness. Neither can drive. Neither can afford to pay for taxis. Child wouldn’t countenance staying elsewhere. I mean where is the resilience and self sufficiency?

If they can't afford a taxi it stands to reason that they can't afford driving lessons or paid childcare either.

It's not helpless to be broke 🤣

Thehop · 10/07/2022 11:49

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:37

Yes there fully aware of that

Show quote history

I think your parents are being selfish.

it’s not their family or their friend and they committed to you first.

Itstooearlyforme · 10/07/2022 11:49

Maybe they haven't realised that the bride will think it odd that they are there for the evening and not you?
Tell them that the bride has asked what you are doing for babysitting as it's child free and you've had to tell her that you can't come to the evening part. Just say you felt sorry for the bride and felt you were letting her down and she was upset. See what they say?
You could then suggest your dad can watch dd but your mum goes so the majority of you can attend

BungleandGeorge · 10/07/2022 11:50

How far away is the wedding?
what was your original plan of how to collect your daughter? The obvious solution would be for your partner to look after your child at your parents house. I think you’re being a bit unreasonable expecting them not to go. And yes the PIL seem to be offering nothing and getting off without any animosity

Harridance · 10/07/2022 11:50

Surely the kid can cope with being unsettled for one night, it's such a limited way to live not being able to use babysitters

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