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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son going on holiday with his mum and step dad ?

282 replies

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:05

First holiday abroad since 2019 and I invited my son along. He usually comes and it’s not usually an issue. This time I sensed my partner didn’t want him there. He didn’t speak to my son For most of the holiday and tried to exclude him a few times. I was really upset by this. It ended up with me and my son relaxing by the pool most days. I didn’t raise anything with my partner as I didn’t want to spoil the mood anymore than it was. We have now returned home and we’re not speaking only because I said we need a chat when we get back home. Was I being unreasonable to bring my son?

OP posts:
Lbnc2021 · 09/07/2022 10:06

Erm no, he’s your son

Dancinginthedark01 · 09/07/2022 10:08

What a horrible man you are with. I feel for your son.

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:09

he broke my heart when he said mum I feel like a spare part. I’m utterly annoyed with my partner.

OP posts:
Hopevoyager · 09/07/2022 10:12

No. You are absolutely not being unreasonable.
After having little opportunity over the past few years of making memories like this I think you are fully entitled to seize the chance to do so with you son. He is 18, at this age there is a strong possibility he wouldn’t come again you would never have the chance again to make these memories and mother and son.
Your partner needs to understand this and stop sulking. He needs to realise that he has a whole future of these opportunities with you.
Well done for putting your boy first.

Ponoka7 · 09/07/2022 10:14

It doesn't sound as though you communicate well with your partner. When discussing the holiday did you mention that your son was going to be invited? Your partner ruined the holiday, which needs addressing.

BlanketsBanned · 09/07/2022 10:14

Is your partner his step dad or just your partner, he sounds very mean, childish and jealous and your poor son must be very upset.

Helpyou · 09/07/2022 10:17

I never really understand the view from many people that holidays with parents must stop at 18. What is wrong with holidaying with people you enjoy spending time with? Obviously the finance side of things is between each individual family. But I'm nearly 30 and I would still occasionally holiday with my parents. Why not? It's a nice way to spend time with them.

Marvellousmadness · 09/07/2022 10:18

I feel like you should have asked
He probably wanted a grown up only holiday.

I would assume an 18yo would not even want to go on a holidays with his mum tbh. 🙄😂

But yeah. This has got to do with assumptions. You werent on the same page.
I wouldnt wanna be holidaying with my partners eighteen yo either lets be honest.

Its not like he tries to exclude your 5yo people...

Beachsidesunset · 09/07/2022 10:21

'Utterly annoyed'? You should be raging!

yellowtotebag · 09/07/2022 10:23

I would assume an 18yo would not even want to go on a holidays with his mum tbh.

I’m always a bit Confused when I read stuff like this on Mumsnet. From my experience, by 18 they’re usually past that ‘too cool to hang around with mum’ stage that they’re in at 16 and are more than happy to do travelling together (partially because you’re the one paying Wink). We had some fab family holidays with older teens/young adults.

YANBU at all OP. I would think a bit differently if you said you’d been
holidaying 2/3 times a year and DS had come every single time but you haven’t been in 3 years, of course it was a lovely thing to ask your son along.

CalistoNoSolo · 09/07/2022 10:25

Well I would have had strong words with my partner at the time. But then it wouldn't have become an issue on holiday because I would already have discussed it with him before we left and any issues resolved then. You partner sounds a twat, but you sound very passive.

jeaux90 · 09/07/2022 10:26

Your partner sounds like a passive aggressive nob. Is he always like this?

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:26

Yes I told him my son was coming. Also it’s not as though we can’t book another holiday with just the 2 of us. If he wanted to bring his kids I wouldn’t have minded. I’m livid. yeh communication is poor. This might be the end actually.

OP posts:
Gherkingreen · 09/07/2022 10:27

@yellowtotebag me too. We're due to go away with 18 and 16 yo DCs and it was never a question/issue for any of is that they wouldn't want to come.
Older DC might go away with friends too next yr, but family holidays are our favourite thing to do and we haven't had chance for a few years.

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/07/2022 10:28

No, he’s only 18 and we’ve just had two years of lockdowns.

But - I’m assuming here your partner know your son was coming and you didn’t just spring it on him? If that’s the case then he was rude. He didn’t need to come, and if he wants to go away with just you then he could have said that an organised it,

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:29

The reason I didn’t mention it on the holiday is because I didn’t want to spoil the mood any further. We would have had a big row and he would have stopped speaking to me for the whole holiday. I didn’t want to subject my son to that and make him feel any more awkward

OP posts:
UserError012345 · 09/07/2022 10:30

Sons come first!

Campervangirl · 09/07/2022 10:30

Your oh is an arsehole.
Anyone who makes someone else feel uncomfortable or unwanted is an arsehole.
My DSS comes on holiday with us, he's 18, at college so can't afford a holiday with his mates so he's very welcome to come with us.
We lay by the pool or beach, go out for meals and drinks in the evening, he's family and therefore very welcome.
I'd bin the oh if I were you, making someone feel like a spare part is bad enough but making your son feel like that is unforgivable

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:30

Yes I told my partner he was coming. I didn’t spring it on him. I also gave him the choice whether he wanted to come or not as I only booked it last minute. He was annoyed it was last minute.

OP posts:
StepAwayFromGoogling · 09/07/2022 10:31

Your latest update changes things a bit. So your DH assumed it was a holiday just the two of you and then you told him your son was coming? Or when discussing and planning the holiday ot was always going to be the three of you? I assumed you had children together so it was already going to be a family holiday.

DDivaStar · 09/07/2022 10:31

You didn't just all end up on holiday together, did you not have a conversation about who was going. Its perfectly reasonable to discuss it with your partner before inviting your son.

His behavior on holiday is inexcusable tho.....

StepAwayFromGoogling · 09/07/2022 10:31

Cross post.

HoppingPavlova · 09/07/2022 10:31

Wtf is wrong with him. If anyone had of done this to any of my kids when they were 18yo (or indeed ANY age, even older), I would have had their stuff in bin bags out the front the second we returned. What a complete cunt.

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:32

Of course. I said I’m going to book a holiday for us three to go away.

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 09/07/2022 10:32

It depends on how long you have been with your partner, and if he played a role in raising your son. If you have not been together very long then I can understand that your partner would want to spend a holiday with just you.

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