18 year old son going on holiday with his mum and step dad ?

[Sharlsharkshark]

First holiday abroad since 2019 and I invited my son along. He usually comes and it’s not usually an issue. This time I sensed my partner didn’t want him there. He didn’t speak to my son For most of the holiday and tried to exclude him a few times. I was really upset by this. It ended up with me and my son relaxing by the pool most days. I didn’t raise anything with my partner as I didn’t want to spoil the mood anymore than it was. We have now returned home and we’re not speaking only because I said we need a chat when we get back home. Was I being unreasonable to bring my son?

@Unconfused but this is the first family holiday since lockdown. This was never a couples holiday. My son is Welcome to come away with me anytime. I’m fortunate to be able to afford family and couples holidays. This was not put out there as a couples holiday.

@Unconfused

That's right! I agree point by point.
I don't think she wants to hold the candles up to Mom.🤔

I really couldn't be doing with this. Anyone man who is jealous of someone's 18 year old is nothing more than an overgrown toddler. And the sulking is a dealbreaker for me these days.

@merhawwie no we had a lovely spacious 2 bedroom apartment.

I would assume an 18yo would not even want to go on a holidays with his mum tbh. 🙄😂
What a sad attitude. Sadder still that you thought it merited a 😂.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh and your son sounds like much better company than your partner. The fact that you knew he would spoil the holiday if you tried to raise any kind of issue with him speaks volumes.

I would be encouraging my 18 year old to go on hol with friends rather than with me

The crux of the matter here is that your DP made your son feel unwelcome, didn't speak to him and sulked. Now he's home he is still sulking.
All the background of how and why the holiday was booked and whether it should have been a couple's holiday and whether a holiday for just the two of you should be booked in future, is irrelevant.
DP has shown that he cannot behave like an adult and communicate properly.
If he wasn't happy about the holiday he should have said when it was booked and said "Hey, you go and have a great time with your son, it's not really my cup of tea and we can do something later on in the year".
Once he got there he should have just sucked it up and not behaved the way he did. He could have said "What about if we go off together for the day and do X and son can have some time on his own because I'd like to spend time just the two of us"
And when he returned he could have said "Look, it wasn't for me and I'd prefer to go on holiday with you on our own in future"

He hasn't done any of that.

Some children are treated horribly by step parents, and it scars them and they carry that into adulthood and the rest of their lives.

As much as they love their real parent, they will deep down feel hurt and betrayed by them, and feel their parent chose to stand by the partner over their own child. That’s an even bigger emotional scar to carry on top of the first. Depending on how deep that ongoing wound is, there is a risk it can negatively affect the relationship with their parent going forward.

The choice you make now in handling this is critical.

This would be the end for me.
Kids will always come first.
I would also use the money you offered to spend taking partner and his kid on holiday, and rebook another holiday with just you and your Son to make it up to him.

I've gone away with my teenage son before, and both my sons as well. We had a great time. Obviously they'd rather go away with their mates/girlfriend. But they can also spend time with me without issue.

My adult daughters love coming away with us! I'd be furious if dh made the feel unwelcome

To be fair, if this was the other way round (my boyfriend has invited me on a holiday, I'm so excited, I'm looking forward to having a romantic time etc etc) and then the boyfriend sprung his 18 yr old son into the mix at the last minute, I suggest you wouldn't be best pleased either!!!!

I can see his point.

But she gave him the option as to whether to come because son was coming when she booked. And she said they're likely to have a another couples holiday at another time.

he would have stopped speaking to me for the whole holiday.

That alone would make me say Please leave this horrible, sullen man. You and your DS deserve so much better.

Cost?

I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to pay for my kids, then they fund their own breaks with friends. This summer is just lovely ... seeing them heading off all over. But we still have our own family adventure lined up. I take them all over - 18+ is so much easier!

Op, either just book 2 different holidays for you and your son, then you and your partner, or ditch the partner - he sounds a dick

He may already do this , i have 2 sons over 20 and i know for certain if i offered them a holiday abroad with me ,their dad and little sister they would come.
They both also have decent holidays / social lives without us.
This isn't the point , the aibu is the op's partners shitty attitude , it probably highlights other things about him that aren't very nice .
No way would i tolerate a moody sulking man.

THIS!

he broke my heart when he said mum I feel like a spare part. I’m utterly annoyed with my partner.
😢😢
YANBU, your poor son. Your partner sounds absolutely foul. To put it mildly.

@ArcticSkewer

not so much about cost, more that when my kid gets to 18 I want to be able holiday just with my husband again (regardless of whether my husband is the kids dad or not, think the stepdad bit is a bit of a red herring)

It took me 40 odd years to recognise this sort of behaviour as abusive. He came. He made you both feel awful, ruined the holiday and it’s all about him. I would be ending it and saying my concept of family doesn’t include abuse bye bye

Oh, OK.

I'm divorced and prefer hanging out with my kids to some random latest shag so I guess that's different.

I really enjoy holidays with my kids now they are grown up. I definitely wouldn't keep a bloke who was sulking about them coming (not that he would ever have been invited)

He sounds like a prize dick, I presumed you’d be sharing a bed room and that’s his issue, but see you had a 2 bedroom apartment, so plenty of space for everyone