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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son going on holiday with his mum and step dad ?

282 replies

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:05

First holiday abroad since 2019 and I invited my son along. He usually comes and it’s not usually an issue. This time I sensed my partner didn’t want him there. He didn’t speak to my son For most of the holiday and tried to exclude him a few times. I was really upset by this. It ended up with me and my son relaxing by the pool most days. I didn’t raise anything with my partner as I didn’t want to spoil the mood anymore than it was. We have now returned home and we’re not speaking only because I said we need a chat when we get back home. Was I being unreasonable to bring my son?

OP posts:
devonianBiatch · 09/07/2022 10:33

I would absolutely end a relationship over this. My children will always be my priorities, as will my grandchildren. I would not be putting anybody above my family. I thank good every day that my husband absolutely adores our kids and grand babies. If anything he gets pissed off if it's just me and him going away for more than a few days. He misses them terribly. This must be really hard for you op. But only you know if it can be salvaged or off it is indeed the end. I hope you and your son enjoyed your holiday despite the tension.

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:35

We’ve been on 4 previous holidays before. It’s never been an issue before. He mentioned that I fuss over my son a lot also at dinner while we were on the holiday in front of my son. He’s so rude and disrespectful. I’m so hurt. He has shown his true colours.

OP posts:
7eleven · 09/07/2022 10:36

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:26

Yes I told him my son was coming. Also it’s not as though we can’t book another holiday with just the 2 of us. If he wanted to bring his kids I wouldn’t have minded. I’m livid. yeh communication is poor. This might be the end actually.

It would be the end for me. Children come first in this situation, whether they’re 8, 18 or 38.

maddy68 · 09/07/2022 10:36

The partner should be having his marching orders !

iklboo · 09/07/2022 10:38

My MIL binned a partner because he was horribly rude to DH (in his 30s at the time) & called then 6 month old DS 'an attention seeking brat'.

frazzledasarock · 09/07/2022 10:39

My DH (in his thirties) still gets invited by his dad on family holidays with his dad and stepmum, his half siblings and step siblings are also invited.

isn’t this part of being a blended family?

SRS29 · 09/07/2022 10:39

7eleven · 09/07/2022 10:36

It would be the end for me. Children come first in this situation, whether they’re 8, 18 or 38.

Show quote history

100% this

7eleven · 09/07/2022 10:39

Works the other way, too. My son once finished with a girlfriend because she was rude to me.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/07/2022 10:40

Marvellousmadness · 09/07/2022 10:18

I feel like you should have asked
He probably wanted a grown up only holiday.

I would assume an 18yo would not even want to go on a holidays with his mum tbh. 🙄😂

But yeah. This has got to do with assumptions. You werent on the same page.
I wouldnt wanna be holidaying with my partners eighteen yo either lets be honest.

Its not like he tries to exclude your 5yo people...

Do you have teenagers? What a strange attitude you have either way. My teens are almost 16 and 18 and they love coming on holiday (abroad) with us still and I don't expect that to change while we're still paying any time soon.

OP I'd be telling your other half that HE'S the spare part and no longer needed. I'd be upset to hear either of mine say they felt that way

TheCrowening · 09/07/2022 10:41

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:32

Of course. I said I’m going to book a holiday for us three to go away.

Did you talk to him about bringing his children or was it presented as a done deal just the three of you? Did he pay for any of the holiday?

Whataworldwelovei · 09/07/2022 10:42

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:35

We’ve been on 4 previous holidays before. It’s never been an issue before. He mentioned that I fuss over my son a lot also at dinner while we were on the holiday in front of my son. He’s so rude and disrespectful. I’m so hurt. He has shown his true colours.

Why are you with this arsehole?

courtrai · 09/07/2022 10:45

I've a partner and 2 teens from first marriage. If my partner ever made one of them feel unwelcome that would be it. I didn't hide the kids in a cupboard when we met and he knew what he was getting himself into. Yes they can be a royal pain in the arse at times and DP has had to learn the art of patience but they are my priority, a non-negotiable and DP is a choice I make.

He sounds absolutely hideous and your son will remember this experience into adulthood

frazzledasarock · 09/07/2022 10:45

TheCrowening · 09/07/2022 10:41

Did you talk to him about bringing his children or was it presented as a done deal just the three of you? Did he pay for any of the holiday?

Show quote history

Wouldn’t he have said, no thank you, don’t book for me. If he didn’t want to go. Or say I want my kids coming too can you book for them too?

what long meaningful discussion does booking a holiday actually need?

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:46

He daughter is 9 and I didn’t ask as she’s school age. I assumed he cannot take. A child out of school. I have suggested we book another holiday with his kids during school holidays even though it’s going to cost more money! He doesn’t want to as says it wouldn’t be a holiday for him. Disgusting attitude

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 09/07/2022 10:46

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:35

We’ve been on 4 previous holidays before. It’s never been an issue before. He mentioned that I fuss over my son a lot also at dinner while we were on the holiday in front of my son. He’s so rude and disrespectful. I’m so hurt. He has shown his true colours.

Maybe he fancied a holiday just the 2 of you. Actually its not a crime to want to spend some time alone with your partner.

Does sound like he's very rude, but neither of you seem to communicate much.

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:47

He paid for his holiday only. That’s fine though. I paid for all my spans food etc which I did t mind but it would have been nice if he’d treated us to a meal at least once

OP posts:
lovelyweathertoday · 09/07/2022 10:50

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:29

The reason I didn’t mention it on the holiday is because I didn’t want to spoil the mood any further. We would have had a big row and he would have stopped speaking to me for the whole holiday. I didn’t want to subject my son to that and make him feel any more awkward

This bloke is not a keeper.

Devotedcatslave · 09/07/2022 10:51

Your partner is not coming out of this sounding good. My DSS still comes on holiday with us at least once most years and he's in his mid 20's. I'm really hoping DS will do too as he gets older. It is lovely to spend time with adult DC.

LorW · 09/07/2022 10:52

his behaviour on holiday was shit and nobody should have to put up with that.

you told him you were booking a holiday for you, him and your son, so you booked it knowing his DC would be excluded as they were at school? Why didn’t you book it so his daughter could be included too? It does change the dynamic and he may as well have bought his daughter if your son was going, I’m guessing he was expecting a couples holiday.

lunar1 · 09/07/2022 10:55

He's not a keeper, for many reasons.

Original poster
Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 11:00

Been struggling mentally lately so needed a cheap getaway. I wasn’t booking in the cool holidays when 1) he wasn’t keen on bringing her as it “wouldn’t be a holiday for him”! 2) his daughters mother would have most likely said no anyway

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 09/07/2022 11:01

I would assume an 18 year old would not even want to go on holidays with his mum

I know many teens/20s who still holiday with their parents - my own included. It's actually the best age to holiday with your kids, as you no longer have to spend all holiday 'parenting' and entertaining them, they actually become your friends instead. And let's face it, if the trip sounds fun and exciting enough, who's going to say no?!

MichelleScarn · 09/07/2022 11:03

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:47

He paid for his holiday only. That’s fine though. I paid for all my spans food etc which I did t mind but it would have been nice if he’d treated us to a meal at least once

Did you treat him to a meal? And saying you 'didn't mind' paying for your sons food... did you go with the idea that dp would be paying for everyone? I suppose he must know something is up given you've said in your op you and ds excluded him and he spent most of the holiday alone! it ended with me and my son relaxing by the pool most days.

RedCardigan · 09/07/2022 11:06

Your relationship was over on the holiday. YWBU to keep putting your son and toi through that and not leaving him and calling him out then. Your son said what was happening and you did nothing to change that.

iklboo · 09/07/2022 11:12

He doesn't want to holiday with his own children? Yeah, I think I can see why he's divorced / not with the mother anymore. Spoilt manchild.