18 year old son going on holiday with his mum and step dad ?

[Sharlsharkshark]

First holiday abroad since 2019 and I invited my son along. He usually comes and it’s not usually an issue. This time I sensed my partner didn’t want him there. He didn’t speak to my son For most of the holiday and tried to exclude him a few times. I was really upset by this. It ended up with me and my son relaxing by the pool most days. I didn’t raise anything with my partner as I didn’t want to spoil the mood anymore than it was. We have now returned home and we’re not speaking only because I said we need a chat when we get back home. Was I being unreasonable to bring my son?

OP posted a dozen times, as recently as this afternoon... hardly a one and done!

You're welcome! Here's some more help:

It is unreasonable of you to take your 18-year-old son on vacation with your partner. I have a son the same age as yours and on vacation I prefer to go alone with my partner to have a little intimacy. It is not a lack of affection for your child, but precisely the desire for intimacy and freedom that is lacking with an adult child in the way. Did you sleep in the same room?

Twelve posts over four and a half hours seems reasonable to me. Presumably OP has a life and has had stuff to do since mid afternoon.

Not everyone can sit on MN all day.

I am not getting vexed by your approach to Parenting in the slightest

i just do not like you criticising those that choose to parent differently to you

@Bertieboo82

i have criticised it. Merely pointed out that there is another approach to parenting

I wouldn’t like it if my daughter sacrificed herself entirely for her own offspring why would I? It’s unnecessary

but who even remotely inferred that this was their approach to parenting?

Lots have said my kid will always come first, number 1 rule when you becomes a mum, they are number 1 etc!

no! To me they are JOINT number 1 with me and my husband.

The mental gymnastics some posters are doing to try to make this man out not to be an arsehole is impressive.

but op knew saying anything would lead to the silent treatment, which it has. This means this isnt her first rodeo with silent treatment from him. It is an example of Controlling behaviour.

it was never to be a couples holiday. It was always op planning a holiday with her son and she invited her partner along. The son wasnt sprung on the partner at the last minute.

this wasnt at the expense of a couples holiday. Op said she can afford both. So those getting upset they cannot have one-on-lne time with the op have not grasped that.

the partner didnt want to take his own daughter on holiday because parenting in holiday wouldnt be a holiday for him. Im left wondering how much parenting this prince does anyway.

op, you said this is the final straw. That means this isnt uncharacteristic for him. Dont let him waste your time. We have very little.

but putting your child’s interests before you own
does not mean you are “sacrificing” yourself at the alter of your children

That’s not how number one works.

I appreciate your son is 18 and therefore an adult - but please put your son first in all of this. I would dump the partner and prioritize your son otherwise you are risking the relationship for life and your poor son! That's awful. What a knob your partner is - if he's treating your son like this it's also a massive red flag for you/others later.

And nearly 2 days later we are still not speaking. We don’t live together thank goodness.

@LilyMarshall

How does it work then?

While could be thought of as a bit weird to bring an adult child with you on what would otherwise be a romantic holiday, it doesn’t matter - the partner’s behaviour is appalling and you should not bother with him any further.

Please tell me that you're calling an end to this relationship.

That's not what happened. OP was having a holiday with her son, and invited her partner to join them.

Jeeze, you two are tedious. Start your own thread to argue on instead of making this one about you both.

@Bertieboo82

course it does!

how does it not?

E’g when my son was little he only wanted me to put him to bed. however there were times when he would have to lump it and accept dad doing jr as I wanted to meet my pals for cocktails. If I was taking the ‘my kids interests above my own’ and my kid is no 1 I would never have done that would I? It was jn his interests for me to stay home and put him to bed to avoid him being distressed , but my interests to go for cocktails. I chose the cocktails. Probs about once per week

It is not even about putting her son first. This is a man who doesnt want to parent his own child and who sulks for days when he doesnt get his way.

ending the relationship is putting op first.

@saraclara of course. I can’t have my child made to feel bad on a holiday. He would not like it if I behaved like that to any of his kids. I’m not having it. He can sulk. I don’t care. It was me and my son long before he came along and any man I have will have to accept him 100%.

But in that scenario - me drooling everything for him is not in his interests and setting him up to be spoilt and disappointed later in life.

you are confusing doing exactly what your child wants with what is in their best interests.

two totally different things in most cases

He had no right to make your son feel like that. What a selfish twat. Ditch the partner your son is more important.

not so much about cost, more that when my kid gets to 18 I want to be able holiday just with my husband again (regardless of whether my husband is the kids dad or not, think the stepdad bit is a bit of a red herring)

If cost isn't the issue then you can do both.
Dh and I do now have a holiday alone AND holiday with Dd.
Dd holidays with friends AND with her parents.

Best of both worlds.

Dh and I also spend a lot of time back home, just the two of us. So we don't necessarily crave time alone together so much as we already get that time at weekends and evenings, as Dd is at university in term time and often out with friends i outside of terms. So it's actually relaxed family time we get less of, than couple time.

Does he go in for silent treatment and sulking a lot?

Get rid op.serious.you and your son should of course always come as a package. Ignoe the mumsnet illite group that think at 18 we should no longer see them,out the door,never cuddle or touch them again,treat them as separate entity folk.( weird)
I no and am still with my sibling always happy for the odd get holiday.still go home to stay.still need my mum.still made to feel like they will protect me dern dern dun as their child!😯
And fks at 18 that is most certainly still all holidays with them if they wish.some don't but some really do.
This bloke shouldn't have made you and deff not your son feel this way.
I hope you have done everyyni g since to 're support your son in this and make it known to him it's not him but your ass of a partner in the wrong.he at 18 yes! Still need to no this and treasured of his place did you.
Your dpfrom I'm going posts sounds like a twat.
Why are you with him?
Please keep including your son on everything.its a treasured thing when that relationship can become like that into adulthood.it doesn't mean ALL holiday and outing have to be.but as many as you want yes.
When your kids still want to be around.come home.walj in because they feel still loved,home,and comfortable is the greatest thing going onwards.the relationship you go on to have with them as they become adults is amazing.