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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unclear wedding invite

205 replies

Thinkingoutloud3 · 06/07/2022 14:33

More of a WWYD than AIBU

Received a wedding invite from a friend back in March for a wedding this August. It was an email invite and didn’t provide a lot of info but I saw it said 2-2.30pm wedding ceremony and 8.30pm-12am wedding reception. I accepted the invite.

Met with a friend last week who is also invited and she mentioned the wedding and said did I noticed we aren’t invited to the wedding breakfast and asked what I plan to do in-between. This has now caused some confusion as I assumed a ceremony invite meant you were there for the entire day? But as it doesn’t mention the wedding breakfast or any dietary requirements friend thinks we aren’t invited to that. I don’t want to turn up expecting to go to the whole day if that’s not the case, but also don’t want to turn up and then hang around for 6 hours.

Obvious thing is to ask but I just can’t get past that someone would invite you to the ceremony and then expect you to come back 6 hours later, and I don’t want to make it awkward if I say ‘am I invited to the meal or not’ and they say no? And then I excuse myself from the ceremony.

Any ideas how to approach this one ?

OP posts:
motogirl · 06/07/2022 14:56

Ceremony and evening do, the times are clear

CupidStunt22 · 06/07/2022 15:00

You're invited to the evening. You're not actually expected to attend the ceremony. Just go at 8.30

NeedToKnow101 · 06/07/2022 15:02

Thinkingoutloud3 · 06/07/2022 14:50

DH is saying we should go to the ceremony and then drive home and back again.
But the logistics are a 50 minute journey for a 30 minute service, a 50 minute journey home, 4 hours in the house (would I get changed, redo make up? Change my outfit, I have no idea) and then drive back again. If it was a shorter gap, 3 hours or so we could take ourselves off for a meal but I don’t think I could string that out 6 hours.

I’m not bothered that we’ve not been invited to the whole day but I think the wording it odd. Just send us an evening invite and pop on the end we’re welcome to the ceremony if we want to attend. Maybe the invite was obvious to everyone else.

Just go in the evening. It's too much faff and driving to also go to the ceremony.

Wexone · 06/07/2022 15:07

Lord does this actually happen in real life ? My wedding was a ceremony in a hotel also however invites stated ceremony 2:30pm with reception to follow. So people were invited to the whole thing. I don't get this split invites thing. You either have a small ceremony then have a separate invite for a big party after it, what do you expect people to do in the middle at the part they are not invited too, people will get fed up hanging around. If it was me in this case and i really wanted to go, I would just go to the evening part not the ceremony . Yes your right the wording is very odd

Johnnysgirl · 06/07/2022 15:07

It's clear enough to me. It's an evening invitation.

toomuchlaundry · 06/07/2022 15:12

I assume they might not expect you at the ceremony but if you would like to attend that bit (which is the most important bit to me) then you can, and have given you times for information

IneedsomeSleeppleasenow · 06/07/2022 15:13

I would have been puzzled too, but that's because I've never had a "split" wedding invite out of all the weddings I've been to. I find them odd and not sure I'd bother going to both parts unless it was very local.

emmathedilemma · 06/07/2022 15:14

maybe they aren't having a "daytime reception", or if they are it's just immediate family for a meal or something? If you were inviting people only to the evening reception then I wouldn't expect to put the ceremony times on the invite.

Summerslam · 06/07/2022 15:14

Just go to the evening do. It sounds pretty clear cut to me. You sound a bit pissed off that you haven't been invited for the bit inbetween.

SandAndSea · 06/07/2022 15:14

I was invited to a wedding like this over 20 years ago, so it's not new, but it is cost-cutting.

You ask WWYD... I would take it literally. You're invited to the ceremony and the evening reception. You will need to entertain and feed yourself between times, if you go.

stayathomer · 06/07/2022 15:15

Excuse me being an idiot but since when is the meal called a wedding breakfast? Had never heard of it!!!

JimmyShoo · 06/07/2022 15:15

Is it a church wedding? I think they want a lot of people to fill the venue but don’t want the expense of feeding them all afterwards.

I think they’re planning on a small wedding breakfast then a bigger evening reception, although 8.30 seems late for this (possibly so people will eat before they go and therefore no need to offer food).

NervousFlyer2022 · 06/07/2022 15:16

Just to say ceremonies aren't always public, if it's a non religious wedding in a private setting there may well be limits on numbers.

zurala · 06/07/2022 15:16

It's not unclear, it's really clear, they have put the times on, but yes it's an evening invitation with ceremony details for if you want to.

toomuchlaundry · 06/07/2022 15:16

If you are in England it is always called a wedding breakfast as far as I know

JimmyShoo · 06/07/2022 15:17

stayathomer · 06/07/2022 15:15

Excuse me being an idiot but since when is the meal called a wedding breakfast? Had never heard of it!!!

I’ve never known it be called anything else!

SamanthaVimes · 06/07/2022 15:18

This would have confused me too. I’ve never heard of inviting someone to the ceremony but not the rest of the afternoon!

stuntbubbles · 06/07/2022 15:19

stayathomer · 06/07/2022 15:15

Excuse me being an idiot but since when is the meal called a wedding breakfast? Had never heard of it!!!

Since the early 19th century.

Crackercrazy · 06/07/2022 15:19

We went to a wedding like this a few years ago. Had a 6-7 hour wait in between. I’m not even sure why we went tbh, as it was a long way and we had to book accommodation for 2 nights. It was in a nice part of the country and we got carried away by that! Lots of people went to the wedding but they were local. It was ok, but looking back we shouldn’t have gone.

swedex · 06/07/2022 15:19

They won't notice if you're not there for a half an hour ceremony, don't waste your day just go to the evening do

Fink · 06/07/2022 15:20

Does DH know the couple independently of you, or is he just going as your +1?

I'd definitely only go to the evening do myself (having had experience of trying to attend both ceremony and evening and wasting the whole day in between), but if he wants to go to the ceremony and come back, and then you both go together in the evening, let him crack on. It's presumably less big of a deal for him to throw on a suit and comb his hair than it is for you to get ready twice!

DuggeeHugPlease · 06/07/2022 15:21

I had an invite like this too almost 20 years ago so not an entirely new concept although I was equally baffled and thankfully haven't had one like that since.

I ended up going to the church ceremony (very religious couple - which I think is why they wanted everyone at that part) then hit the pub and got so drunk we didn't go back for the evening reception!!

Crackercrazy · 06/07/2022 15:22

Oh, I meant to add that there was a meal afterwards but only for close family and friends. They didn’t have the budget to invite everyone.

Vallmo47 · 06/07/2022 15:23

Just skip the ceremony and attend the evening reception OP. Simply clarify to the couple you RSVP’d a bit too hastily and you cannot afford the journey twice over. There’s been a misunderstanding that is all. In an ideal world we would all be able to afford to invite everyone we know to our weddings, but in reality our life choices shouldn’t have to require another mortgage. I’m getting married this year with only our parents as witnesses and everyone else gets an evening invite. Tough luck but a) I cannot afford to pay for everyone and b) It’s our wishes.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/07/2022 15:24

stayathomer · 06/07/2022 15:15

Excuse me being an idiot but since when is the meal called a wedding breakfast? Had never heard of it!!!

Only ever heard of it on mumsnet too 😂