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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

313 replies

coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:14

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

OP posts:
Lentil63 · 05/07/2022 22:17

More information about the event would be helpful. Would you want to go if you didn’t think you were an afterthought? Thank

Simonjt · 05/07/2022 22:18

Is there free food or an open bar?

Thatiswild · 05/07/2022 22:19

No, yanbu. Personally I hate this sort of thing and wouldn’t go. I’d rather not be invited than invited as an after thought. Depends if you actually want to go of course!

Thatiswild · 05/07/2022 22:20

No, yanbu. Personally I hate this sort of thing and wouldn’t go. I’d rather not be invited than invited as an after thought. Depends if you actually want to go of course!

FieldOverFence · 05/07/2022 22:20

If I thought it would be fun and I'd enjoy myself, I'd go
If I thought it would be a pain and I'd be bored or uncomfortable, I wouldn't go
Whether I got an invite before or after others wouldn't be a factor in my decision

StarlingsInTheRoof · 05/07/2022 22:20

I don't enjoy parties, so any excuse to get out of it really.

Echobelly · 05/07/2022 22:21

Depends - if I knew people that I wanted to see would be there, I'd go because I'd want to see them. If I barely knew anyone likely to be there I probably wouldn't.

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:21

Lentil63 · 05/07/2022 22:17

More information about the event would be helpful. Would you want to go if you didn’t think you were an afterthought? Thank

I'd be more inclined to want to go. I'm single and it'll be full of couples.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/07/2022 22:22

If I wanted to go and thought it would be fun, I would go and not worry about the late invite. If I didn't want to go I would feel no obligation to show my face, in the circumstances.

TakeMeToKernow · 05/07/2022 22:22

My friends completely openly asked me if I’d attend their wedding (on my own) as a fill in for a cancellation. I was there in a heartbeat 😁

StarDolphins · 05/07/2022 22:23

No I wouldn’t go! Invite me at the start because you want to, not because someone’s dropped out ir you don’t have enough people! I’m quite stubborn like that!

I would only change my mind if there was free prosecco.

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:23

Echobelly · 05/07/2022 22:21

Depends - if I knew people that I wanted to see would be there, I'd go because I'd want to see them. If I barely knew anyone likely to be there I probably wouldn't.

Yeah there will be but also randoms.

OP posts:
Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:24

StarlingsInTheRoof · 05/07/2022 22:20

I don't enjoy parties, so any excuse to get out of it really.

Yeah. I need an excuse. I can't say what I think.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 05/07/2022 22:25

🤷‍♀️it would depend if I thought I’d enjoy it - if I did I’d go, if I didn’t I wouldn’t.

Guests lists are finite, we are all afterthoughts sometimes,

redskyatnight · 05/07/2022 22:26

The timing of the invitation would be neither here nor there. I'd go if I wanted to do, and not if I didn't.

It sounds like you don't want to go, so just say you're sorry you can't make it. No further comment needed.

Wherehasthecommonsensegone · 05/07/2022 22:26

If I wanted to go I would. Being invited late doesn’t mean you’re an after thought or they don’t value you, they might have just had to limit numbers and make a tough choice.

I was initially an evening guest at a friends wedding and then someone couldn’t make it and so I got invited to the whole day a couple of days before. I went and had a great time. When I was invited made no difference to my enjoyment.

getupstandupsitdown · 05/07/2022 22:29

I'd definitely go! Wouldn't bother me.
It might turn out to be a really good night. I suppose I'm glass half full about these things

Poppins2016 · 05/07/2022 22:30

If I thought I'd have a good time and would happily socialise with the other guests, I'd probably go. However, I might treat the friendship with a little caution in the future, depending on the circumstances...

Lovinglife45 · 05/07/2022 22:30

It appears you were on the reserve list. Someone dropped out and you were bumped up. I am unsure how I would feel about this.

I remember being invited to a party several days before - definitely an afterthought so I declined stating I had other plans.

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:33

Lovinglife45 · 05/07/2022 22:30

It appears you were on the reserve list. Someone dropped out and you were bumped up. I am unsure how I would feel about this.

I remember being invited to a party several days before - definitely an afterthought so I declined stating I had other plans.

That's how I feel. Now I have thought about it I realise the rsvp was for weeks before I even knew about it. Seems a bit 'meh'.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 05/07/2022 22:33

Nope. I just wouldn’t go. If I could be arsed, I would tell them why!

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:34

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/07/2022 22:33

Nope. I just wouldn’t go. If I could be arsed, I would tell them why!

Would you really? Surely they wouldn't be your friend after that? At all I mean

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 05/07/2022 22:36

I'd be fine with a late invitation.

But it sounds like you don't really want to go at all, and it's fine to decline. Irrespective of when the invitation was sent

Mally100 · 05/07/2022 22:37

coodawoodashooda · 05/07/2022 22:34

Would you really? Surely they wouldn't be your friend after that? At all I mean

Show quote history

Why do you care about their feelings and friendship when they didn't afford you the same in the first place? No I wouldn't go if I wasn't wanted at first.

toastfiend · 05/07/2022 22:37

If I wanted to go, yes.

Sometimes being "an afterthought" is literally just "we were doing the guest list and knew we'd missed someone and finally remembered who!"

I've had a few people I've invited to a party a bit late. It wasn't deliberate, I think they're amazing and they certainly weren't invited because someone else dropped out, they were invited because I really wanted them there, it was literally just an "omg, of course, x needs an invitation, how did we miss them?!" moment.

If you don't want to go, don't. But I do think there are a lot of people on MN who actively seek to take offence at things that are likely to have perfectly innocent explanations. If they invited you then there's no reason to think they don't want you there.