Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

[coodawoodashooda]

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

You want to be careful you don't value yourself so highly you price yourself out of the market altogether.

This was me a few weeks back…. It was an invite to my sisters wedding!!! 😳 absolute joke! Only I was invited, no plus one or any of my children… I replied and said I was busy!! There’s no back story other than she is completely self absorb 🙄

I would decline politely and say I’ve made other arrangements for that day. Then take myself out for a special treat.

Me and my husband once went to a wedding after we were only invited to the night do. Someone pulled out of the sit down meal a day before the wedding. We saw some friends and got a free meal. A result as far as we were concerned.

i didn't go to my friends 40th because I
was invited later (much later) than everyone else. It wasn't my kind of thing and I always said I wasn't sure if I could go. I thought she wasn't that bothered about me being there.

she still doesn't talk to me properly now 3 years later...

Do you actually want to go? Do you think you'll have a good time?

If the answer to those questions is no, then just don't bother. You don't need to make a big scene and tell them you're annoyed. Just say "I'm not free that day, hope you have a good one" and leave it at that.

Me and my husband went to a wedding like this at the last minute. My friend was very open about it (not the bride, the head bridesmaid given the job of filling seats) and we went as it was a walkable venue and free food. We would have spent money on drinks in a pub anyway so we just did it there instead. Sat on a table of other last minute seat fillers and they didn’t seem to know they were late additions so that was a bit awkward. It was a very strange day.

i remember the brides mum asking me how I knew the couple and I had to say “oh… from the pub…”

Personally, I would reflect on whether not wanting to go is because of the late invite or the event itself. If you would have wanted to go before knowing the invite was late, recapture that. If you still genuinely have no interest in the event or the people going, don't go. Life it too short to spend our time doing things we don't want to do all the time. It's also too short to form grudges and let things fill you with negative feelings. Whichever choice you make, don't hold on to any bad feeling because most of the time, those bad feelings aren't being shared so we only punish ourselves.

If the person was close to me, and I wanted to ensure resentment doesn't build, I would take them out for a coffee or give them a call and tell them how receiving the late invite felt. Hear their side of the story and move forward with a fresh perspective. I'd do the same if I chose not to go. I'd turn down the invite in person (or via a phone call if geography was a factor) and explain why I have chosen not to go on this occasion.

Can I be honest? You just sound a bit desperate to me. Are you that short of invites that you accept anything that is offered to you?

If you are so easily pleased with a dinner intended for someone else, on an invite that wasn’t intended for you and talking to friends that are considered more important than you as they made the first cut - you can hardly be surprised when your friends treat you badly in the future!

You have indicated to the world you are more than happy to eat someone else’s scraps and take any invite going, even if it’s not intended for you. It smacks of desperation. Sorry.

I'd go and enjoy myself! It wouldn't bother me to be an afterthought.

There could be lots of reasons your invitation arrived later so I wouldn’t overthink it. Go if you want to, stay at home if you don’t.

We did. It was family party (dh's side) and for an "occasion". We had known it was happening from another family member who had assumed we were going. But par for the course as ds has disabilities/SN. We were making a point really. It was clear from the reactions we got to our acceptance that we had been expected to decline. What hurt most was MIL's reaction (she was not the host) who was fairly nasty to us on the night.

And this demonstrates perfectly why life is too short to bear grudges.

I don"t know how so many mumsnetters get through life when they spend most of it feeling slighted.

That said, I once was invited to a 40th birthday party after it had started 😁.

I didn't go.

I really disagree with Provence here. It was clearly a case of 'there's a posh meal going spare, shame to waste it'. If user had declined, they'd have just gone to the evening do as originally planned. Declining the invitation wouldn't have bumped them up the couple's friendship list, and there's no reason why user should want to be. Adults can accept that some friends are closer than others without minding this. Accepting a freebie is neither here nor there.

Just say “Hi x, thank you for the invitation. You guys must be really excited! Unfortunately I already have plans for that date, so won’t be able to join in the fun. Have an amazing time and look forward to hearing all your news afterwards xx”

Go for a bit but make plans to leave early and go to something else thats exciting and fun. Like a mood chaser.

Don't go. It's fine.
A short note saying. Sorry I won't be able to make it. Have a wonderful time etc

No need to over think or go into details.

And so do I @Antarcticant. Some people are such hard work. It must be very difficult having to tread on eggshells around them for fear of offending them. Or they are just so up themselves and full of their self importance.

It depends. Are they really, really good friends who left you out of a group you thought you were central to/is central to you?
or are they friends who might just have had limited space/numbers and had to invite according to closeness?
Former, maybe don’t go, latter, get yourself dressed up girl and have fun!

I thought with weddings and last minute invites you are probably safest to ask your parents to add some extra friends rather than potentially offend your own friends.

Assuming they live near of course.

Wow thats rude! As I says in my post I've happily agreed to be bumped from evening only to day twice and enjoyed it both times. I personally felt that we were chosen (over other evening guests) because ideally they would have liked to have included us originally but numbers/ budget didn't allow, so its nice they included us when they could. In both cases they only received evening invitations to my own wedding (although my day was very small), so we were on the same page in terms of the closeness of friendship I guess.

Yes I could have stayed at home doing nothing whilst a different last minute guest, or no one, had that seat or ate that food out of some imagined notion of 'scraps' but why would that have been better? I don't see what's desperate about that? Maybe all your friends are rich extroverts so you don't understand the concept of limited numbers at an event, otherwise I don't get the indignation?

I guess I am desperate and short of invitations enough not to expect to be the first person everyone I know invites to everything, but that could also be seen as not being entitled and self important! And to be honest I'm not sure how you ever get to the point of having enough friends to have lots of invitations if you are so prickly in your expectations of etiquette and due reverence being shown to you before you will accept an invitation!

I'd go if I wanted to. Recently organised DS birthday at my small house, had to limit guests, when a couple dropped out I invited more friends. Didn't mean that I didn't like them less.

I also got a last min invitation to another person's party, sure the same thing had happened.

If this is a friendship breaker though I'd not go, depends how u feel about the host.

Presumably ,as they have left it so late to invite you, you have another fabulous (even if only imaginary ) event that sadly clashes with the party date.

The late invite would not bother me.
Go if you want to, if you don’t fancy it just decline the invite.

I'm guessing they invited their favourite people first, waited to see who could come and who couldn't, and then sent out round two of invites to their lesser mates to fill the room. Or they may just have sent invites out in batches some are later than others...idk. A party's a party, if they're were people there I wanted to see and it was free food/ drink I'd probably go as that would soften the blow of not being on the A list but if it wasn't my story of party and seemed a major faff I'd give it a miss.