Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

[coodawoodashooda]

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

Well it’s never been a problem for me simple I have lots of parties and invites and I don’t need to be an after thought.

I would be embarrassed to treat any of my friends in this way, and frantically plugging gaps in this way is very crass. What next dragging the homeless in to bulk out the numbers for a free meal?! 🤷🏼‍♀️
At least you are one up from that!! On the bright side.

I might go. Some of the best opportunities in my life have come from taking up 'you were second choice' invitations.

If you don't want to go just say, 'Bit short notice! I have other plans' if you want to make a point or just say you are busy.

Depends on why late the invite - is your friendship on the way up or the way down?

We got a blatant late invite last Sat - went along and it was really enjoyable. We hung out with the other late invitees and had a great time.

It would entirely depend on how much I wanted to go. I wouldn't go if I didn't fancy it.

Parties are often restricted as to numbers and there are often a certain amount of 'duty' guests that have to be invited. Once those duty guests decline then the host can start inviting the fun guests!

i absolutely don't have a problem with being a late addition to the guest list. I understand that I am not at the top of everyone's list. Some of the best parties I've attended I've been a last minute invitee and it hasn't spoiled the do in any way.

It really is very simple - go if you think you will have fun, decline if you think you won't enjoy it.

Thanks everyone. I was in the friendship group them got divorced and now am not, it seems. It's the fact the rsvp is from such a long time before I was invited. I guess it hurts my feelings because so much has changed because of my divorce. I used to be really quite popular and now I, well, am not. It is something else he broke. It feels like being regifted something without them rewriting the gift tag. Although I do realise that sounds precious.

I honestly wouldn't read too much into a later invitation, I would doubt for something like a bbq there would be an A list and a B list.

These things can happen very easily. If we were having a bbq it would quite often start with - oh such and such is in town, we should invite them over. Oh they know, other friends lets invite them (e.g. no conscious sitting down prioritising friends). Then may bump into another friend and think - oh we should invite them to the bbq. The list just grows organically. Of course you have a mind as to how many people you can manage but for me certainly it wouldn't be an A list or B list.

I think people can read too much into this stuff and get hurt unnecessarily and compromise friendships unnecessarily.

If you just don't feel like going then that is another thing. Just politely decline. Again I would never read anything into someone declining an invitation.

The more we realise other peoples motivations are rarely about us the better and happier we will be.

Nonsense. They've indicated nothing to 'the world' other than possibly that they'd pick a wedding reception over a Saturday night scrolling on their phone in front of the TV.
It may come as a surprise, but unless you're in the public eye 'the world' doesn't give two hoots about your social life.
Turning down invitations you fancy just to pretend you're so busy and sought after that you're above a last minute offer is a ridiculous conceit; which smacks of someone who imagines people pay them a lot more attention than they actually do.

Do you want to be in the group? You never will be if you are setting them hoops to jump through and getting offended so easily. Have you invited them recently, been proactive in seeing them?

If you go, have fun, reignite the friendships, you'll be on future invites. If you stay home offended, that'll be that. You can tell yourself it's the divorce, but it'll be how you choose to respond to this invite. Go!

Surprised at this. Generally people who have 'lots of parties and invites' tend to be precisely the ones people think of when they suddenly have room for additional guests.
If you're out and about a lot you will meet lots of new casual people, and if you're perceived as fun and engaging you tend to be someone they think of when they have extra capacity. This has happened to me a number of times and it's turned out the hosts were keen to develop a friendship.
(It's offensive to refer to homeless people in the definitive btw)

Depends how close I was to the person inviting.

If I felt we were close I would feel hurt about being an afterthought.

If it's an acquaintance or a relatively new friend I'd be happy that they seemed to want to include me and get to know me better.

I agree with this but don't think I have the confidence to carry off being fat, middle aged and single amongst all the couples. And honestly the invite with the rsvp by date that is weeks before I was invited, I feel a bit humiliated.

Yes. I'd still feel fat, single and boring but I would feel obliged.

I have long standing, decades old friendships in the main so maybe that is where we differ.
I don’t pick up causal acquaintances as I have sets of friends that go back a long way, and I don’t have time to see them as it is.
I have no need for new friends and wouldn’t accept an invitation as I don’t have the time or space for new friends atm.

I’m half and half - on the one hand I think you’re over thinking it and that could possibly be because how you feel since your divorce and then I think you shouldn’t go and tell them where to shove their later after thought invite 👍
BUT are they friends with your ex husband too? Is it possible they invited him and when they knew he wouldn’t be going they invited you?
Also, you could just ask then why the late invite as the rsvp has since passed - maybe they didn’t have as many yes’s as they thought and are now trying to bump numbers - in which case I wouldn’t go!

You can tell yourself it's the divorce, but it'll be how you choose to respond to this invite.

I really disagree with this. OP was only invited after rsvp for everyone else. That's a kick in the teeth from a (former) friendship group. If she happily accepts being treated like this, it'll be how she's treated in the future by these people.

I'd focus on building new friendships, OP.

He definitely won't have been invited. I guess if I'd lost 3 stone, just had a promotion at work and was looking forward to the Caribbean later this month I'd feel more like it. My situation isn't like that. Couldn't be further from it.

Seriously don't feel worried about being single amongst married people. I have been married a long time but have a lot of single friends and I honestly would not view them in any way different at all to any 'married' friends invited.

Quite the opposite, you are being invited for 'you', not as a plus one of someone else or a 'tolerated' spouse of a friend.

I am guessing the host saw you recently, or your name came up in some way and they just though - 'oh we must invite coodawood to our party'.

Go a long, take a bottle of champagne and have an open mind.

I can completely see why you are hurt, and you are definitely not being precious. If your friends have downgraded you because of your painful divorce they are not real friends op. They are friends of convenience. Happy to be friends when you were married, less happy now you are alone.

An invitation in that context is hurtful, and will have compounded your feelings of exclusion.

Do you have some real friends to spend your time with? The type of friends that are steadfast and loyal and don’t care about your marriage status? Can you organise some girls nights? Or have you lost your confidence? 💐💐 for you op - spend time with genuine people, let the others go as they are always going to make you feel bad with this type of behaviour

You never know, it could be the party you meet someone and tell your grandchildren how you nearly didn’t go because you were invited late (I’ve watched too many rom coms in my life🙂).

Sorry, assumed you were in your twenties. Didn’t read all your posts.

Give you updates my advice is to go to the party. It sounds like the reason you don't want to go is lack of self confidence and poor self image.

Just say to yourself you only need to stay for a hour and then if you hate it, give yourself permission to leave after that.

It is sometimes only by putting ourselves outside of the comfort zone that brings us back to who we really are.

Is there any chance they could have forgotten to send it, or realised last minute they didn’t include you? Rather being B list, it was maybe a mistake on their part?

Yeah but the quite obvious after thought invite really hasn't helped.

Then maybe you should bite the bullet and accept the invite - then get yourself a lovely new outfit, new hair do, treat yourself and give yourself a boost and go and enjoy!
maybe they just didn’t ask you straight away because they thought you wouldn’t want to go xx
Maybe now is the time for you to give yourself a break and start feeling good about yourself again ♥️♥️