Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

[coodawoodashooda]

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

No grudges, just that I value myself more than they do so I will cheerfully bow out.

I am no one's seconds choice.

Nope. I’d say I already have plans. I’m fact I’ve just done that for something this coming weekend. I’m not driving forty minutes each way as an afterthought or reserve list guest.

If you don't want to go then don't go, simple. Don't labour it. I throw a lot of parties and I know a lot of people. Sometimes I remember I havent invited someone later. I go to parties I want to go to or because the people hosting are important to me.

My so called best mate invited me to her hen do AFTER someone dropped out. Did I go? Hell no!! And no we are no longer friends (other reasons as well) A party invitation is a bit different and it depends how close you are OP.

If it was a party I wanted to go to then yes absolutely - though it would likely impact the quality of the gift I might bring...

I think I would just be happy to be invited (if I wanted to go). I don't have much pride.

If it was my best friend then I might be a bit annoyed.

If i wanted to go i would, if i didn't i would decline.

If it was a wedding, i would understand numbers can be a pain so it wouldnt bother me at all, in fact, it wouldn't bother me to anything really, but then i don't get easily offended.

Go if its something you will enjoy or dont if you wont.

I would either go and enjoy it, or not go and enjoy not going. Either way, don't waste energy being offended.

A friend did this time with her son’s christening. Invited me with less than 24 hours notice. I declined the invite and then I found out that she’d invited the rest of the girls a couple of weeks before.

i declined an invite to her next kid’s
christening as well.

I loathe this kind of invite as I take it too personally because it's happened to me a lot, my whole life. I now would never accept just because they were a friend & I didn't want to cause problems. I'd just say, oh thanks, but the invite is a bit late & I assumed wasn't invited so made other plans, sorry.

However I'm a bit selfish over these things & would go if it suited me. If I wanted to go out to a party. If other people were there I wanted to see. I admit I've also gone a bit out of spite once (person had done to me before) purely because a nice meal & drinks was being offered. I enjoyed what I wanted & left early. My little two fingers up. I no longer bother with them.

This situation has obviously tapped into a button of yours about rejection or being left out.

Reality is that various things could have happened to the invite, either accidental or just numbers based. No point in being offended.

Go if you like the people. Politely declined if you don't or don't like parties.

Introspect to consider what the real issue is for you.

Ah, but you don’t need an excuse! The only traditionally proper way to decline is to thank them for the invitation and express regret that you have a prior commitment. You don’t need to say what it is, only that you are already otherwise obliged.

Unless they are rude or very close to you, they won’t ask for details. Would they do that?

If you want to go, then go. Who cares if you were a late invite? Or, if you don't want to go, then don't go. Really, does it require this level of angst

Just based on these replies I know who I’d like to invite to a party and who’d be likely to be a wet blanket/drama queen.

I definitely wouldn’t go. Sod that. The migraine excuse is always a good one

Are you an afterthought though?

I failed to invite a close friend to something as they're also a close friend of OH's and I thought he'd invited them, he thought I had - we both realised a while later neither of us had! Fortunately nowhere near late enough for the person to notice, but they really wouldn't have thought they were an afterthought anyway (they'd have said 'hey wheres my invite?!')

I wouldn't leap to assume 'afterthought, they don't really like me, fuck them' without further information.

If I KNEW i was not wanted and was being invited for other reasons, then I might well not go, but theres a HUGE difference between 'oh hey, we really should invite x' and 'oh nooooo I suppose we HAVE to invite x'.

I would seriously relax and be a little more realistic about life. I often throw parties. Sometimes I forget about people I haven't seen for a bit and always add them when i remember. They turn up if they can and we have a ball. I too have been added later and not cared. It's nice to be thought of and I am not best friends or part of the core group of everyone I know.

You don't have to be everyone's priority. I understand that people have lives and it just seems a bit prickly to expect recognition all the time. Friendships wax and wane for everyone and it's not as if they don't want you there.

However , there was one couple I didn't invite after 5 years of inviting them to our annual bash and having not received a single invite from them in those years to anything. I dropped them off the list. They apparently were really hurt and told mutual friends that they were NFI. But meh, my expectations were low but not that low.

'Sorry, already got something on that evening'

Sorted. If it's causing yo much that grief, don't go. And if you want to say something 'Apolgies for the late rsvp, I've only just received the invitation'.

Was it a postal invitation? Could it have simply been delayed?

It's an invitation, not a summons, just decline if you don't want to go.
Saying that I hate parties so that's probably clouding my judgement 🤔

Nope, definitely not. I was once invited to a party which I was a bit unsure about. I asked a pal if he’d been invited so we could go together. He hadn’t got an invite so I declined. His invite turned up the following day making it crystal clear that he was B list. He declined too and we went to the pub that night instead!

What’s NFI @youlightupmyday?

I’m like you - we throw a lot of get-togethers, but as we sadly don’t like in a castle, we can’t invite everyone to every do. Everyone I know is like this.

If you want to go, then go. If you don’t (you obviously don’t), then don’t go.

MN is very seemingly divided between the majority - the social recluses who avoid socialising at any cost, take mortal offence at any perceived slight, and are NC with all and sundry; and the minority - people who have a circle of friends and family they enjoy spending time with because it’s fun and easy. And never the twain shall meet.

Its a bbq? I honestly wouldn't think twice about timings of invitations for a bbq.

I probably wouldn't because it might colour my enjoyment especially if it's something like a BBQ and not a more special and costly occasion that might have guest restrictions

I'd go, so what if my invite was an "afterthought". There's a variety of reasons as to why a host may now be able to invite you along or has now thought to ask you.

Yes, I’d definitely go if I wanted to go. I wouldn’t care if my invitation was an afterthought. I wouldn’t be so narcissistic to think I would be at the top of everyone’s invitation list. Why would anyone ever be, whoever they are? If you don’t want to go, that’s a different matter.