Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

[coodawoodashooda]

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

You clearly don’t want to go, so don’t go. Say you have other plans. Drama over.

That sucks and I’d be miffed too. However, sometimes we don’t make the ‘A’ list when people are making their guest list 🤷‍♀️ It’s not that they dislike you but maybe they can only have so many people and now a spar has opened up they can invite you. They could have invited any of the B listers and they chose you 😆

*space

If I though it would be entertaining I would. If it was the dull kind I would decline. Do what suits you.

I wouldnt go, no- but I dislike parties.
You don't need an excuse beyond "I can't make it-" or " that doesn't work for me"

Just say ‘Thanks, but I made alternative arrangements because it’s too short notice (cos I’m a bitch) or politely just say you’ve already accepted another invitation because you didn’t know about this event.

I don’t mind if I don’t make the first cut, can’t be close to everyone. But I like parties.

Not Fucking Invited 😅

I know, my experience in real life and MN differ immensely. But i like to be exposed to what others can think. It is eyeopening how just how offended people can be.

Sadly, no castle here either 🤣

It amazes me how many people are offended and have too much pride to accept being 'b list'. Unless you really think you should be everyone you knows best friend equally, I don't understand the problem? And I'm usually quite sensitive about being left out etc, but I've never expected to be invited to every event one if my friends throws (even if a close friend the event may just be aimed more at a specific group).

I've never minded evening invitations for weddings and was delighted the 2 times I was bumped to a day guest at last minute because someone dropped out! It means they ideally wanted me in the day originally but didn't have the budget / space. Can't you look at it like that? They didn't have to invite you at all, but they did when they could!

You don't say enough about the event or how the invitation was received to be clear if that's why the invitation was late. Other reasons could be genuine mistakes eg both thinking the other invited you, mistaking thinking you were on a WhatsApp group you weren't just error I number of invitations they wrote etc, none of which would offend me.

I think the only time it would stop me going is if th invitation was reluctantly given, eg they were put on the spot by a mutual friend discussing it with you present and blurted out ' would you like to come too' out of embarrassment or something.

But other than that I think many people on this thread seem to be looking for reasons to be offended.

Oh, and for the people implying there are less numbers pressures for a bbq at home than a wedding - do you live in a mansion and have a live in cook or something? I had a small wedding but would still never invite that number of people to my house for an event - too stressful and not enough space!

I wouldn’t appreciate being made to feel like a B list friend - at best it displays poor manners and an indifference to your feelings.

I wouldn’t go to make up the numbers and would probably distance myself from the friendship, life is too short to feel used and disrespected.

No

If they didn't want to invite you they didn't have to invite you but they did.
If you don't want to go don't go.
We don't all have an endless amount of space and we can't invite everyone to everything.
Do you invite this friend to every occasion?

It depends on what it was. If it was a wedding or christening of someone quite close, then no. I am not anyones B lister.

Even if numbers were restricted by space or finances?
Get over yourself

If I wanted to. Not everyone in my life would be on my list if numbers had to be restricted, so I wouldn't expect to be on theirs. Doesn't mean I wouldn't want them there if an opportunity came up, or vice versa. You don't have to be amongst the most wanted in every group, you can be wanted in a lesser way, and that's fine.
But you don't want to go anyway, so decline. That's fine too.

But you clarly are though to ever come across this situation. Wouldn't it be worth finding out why and working on it?

Decline politely.

Clearly*

When I have parties and dinners - I work out who to invite, who mixes best and are good friends etc. I check I haven’t missed anyone and then I invite my friends in good time.

What I would never do once the inevitable cancellations happen is plug the gaps with other friends that I consider to be available at short notice! Not only would I risk offending them by assuming they have nothing better to do than be stand ins for my parties, I would also worry it would damage our friendship.

I plan parties, expecting cancellations - especially in covid times and just make them smaller and more intimate not set up B and C lists to bulk out the numbers - I value my friend ms too much for that.

I wouldn’t go- my pride wouldn’t let me!

DH and I were invited to a wedding as day guests once - months after I’d seen a lot of friends be invited. We obviously weren’t on the original list. I left it a week then told the bride we wouldn’t be able to go.

Mumsnet is full of the professionally offended. I would go if I wanted to or decline if I didn't want to. No need to over complicate things.

This is harsh but true. Surprised at the attitude of people who if they're not front and centre of everything they'd opt out. Surely people already realise that most of us are pretty peripheral to most other people. It should hardly come as a shock to be forgotten at times. (Unless it's your nearest and dearest which is different of course.)

Arrogance and entitlement? 😉

Depends on context and why you are an afterthought.

If it was someone I didn't know all that well then yes I'd go, as it could be an opportunity to get to know a new group of people.

If it was a close friend then I'd probably be a bit sad not to be on the list for the first round of invites. Not sure I wouldn't go though. No point denying yourself a potentially fun time.

Just go and have a great time and show them why you should be on the priority list in future!

I think MN is also full of people with no manners and absolutely no idea of etiquette. With skin as thick as rhino hides. Where is the decorum?