Would you go to a party if you knew your invitation had been an after thought?

[coodawoodashooda]

I know I received my invitation at least more than a fortnight after everyone else. I wasn't keen on going and now I realise my invite was after everyone else's I really don't want to go. Aibu?

I wouldn't go. It sounds like people have declined the invitation and they need to make the numbers up. Nope.

Presumably this is a joke? If not, it’s beyond wanky.

Regardless of when invited I'd only go if I wanted to. I don't expect to be the centre of anyone's world except DH and DS. It really doesn't matter when you were invited, at some point they thought "@coodawoodashooda is great fun, let's invite her" and that's lovely. I'd be less inclined to worry about moving other plans to attend for a late invite, but that's just how it goes.

Friends really don't care what you weigh, and nobody really wants to hear about anyone's extension nor holiday, they want to see you. Talk about TV shows, news and work if you don't have any exciting personal events. Have a few special lines to deflect awkward questions e.g. "Loving it, being without ExH is pretty much like doubling the size of the house / relaxing on the beach every day."

So go, have fun, leave after an hour if not having fun. Just say you over-committed, very sorry but will see them next time. Or not, because you'll be having a ball.

We were once invited to a wedding the week before. We didn’t know them that well but someone had dropped out and they asked us. We went and ended up having one of the best nights out.

Depends - if it’s someone I’m not particularly besties with, I would actually go.
I’ve had this and I mentioned to the girl I seemed like an afterthought and she gave some excuse I can’t even remember.
but I know she throws cool parties so I went for myself and to have a great time, if it’s close friend / family, I would be offended and not go.

Watch you don't trip over your petted lip! Couples don't necessarily want single people in their group as it makes them uncomfortable especially if they were friends with the couple. Whose side will they be forced to take? Not necessarily what you would consciously do, but it happens. Get over it. Make new friends. Go to singles parties. Have your own parties. But stop having a strop and blaming your ex.

OP I feel like you have rejected every possible alternative perspective offered to you on this thread. If paper invites where sent out then you got a late invite on FB then you are either a ‘reserve’ or they forgot you. You have to make peace with that before you make your decision. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. If you do want to go, then go.

Should you choose to go, you don’t have to give people the details of what you do/don’t have going on. ‘It’s all good thanks’ is a perfect ‘brush off’ response to any question you don’t want to answer and the mess of a travel system we currently have is a perfect reason for not having a holiday booked - waiting for the airport shitstorm to pass!

Go for the free food and drink

Love this reply.

Only two (or three) people will know that you didn't receive the invitation after other guests - you and the person who invited you (and their partner if they have one. So you needen't feel self conscious regarding the timing of the invitation.

I wouldn't go. Fuck 'em.

Yeah. I just think the way it was done was rude.

Well you either do want to go …have fun and meet up with your old friends and have a blast or don’t go and do something else !! It’s really not that hard!

So stay at home and sulk then. This will just confirm that you want nothing more to do with them and guarantee that there will be no more invitations coming your way.

@RampantIvy I agree

I'm not sulking. I have other stuff going on. I don't see that I should put myself out for an afterthought invitation.

STOP being so horrible about yourself op.
Being overweight isn't a problem you need to fix because it makes you awful.id people think that that's a them issue.and a you issue that you see fat=me bad.so this is where your weight currently is.gloriously sit with your size.it might change.yoh might feel better for being comfortable in the skin your currently in.fat isn't evil.isnt gross.thst is society's fucked up billion dollar diet industries manipulation of you.
You can and still will be you and beautiful at this weight.
You can not be going away and join in conversations.but stop thinking you need to have a script of excitement! No one does.the best conversations are easy.
People with low self worth over think everything and this then pulls them out,silences and insulates them. And so the cycle of shame and self hate continues.
You can't go out because you feel unworthy of yourself,you miss out,you feel unwanted, then they distance and your head retreated a your beliefs.mors shame more self loathing more shame,add in a few more self hating behaviours and here back at the cycle we go.
Make that circle a star.step out.brave being who you are currently.sit within her and just be.let it come.you haven't changed.your view on yourself has.youve muted yourself through how you look and believe you are lesser then.well that tosh.
But it does take a fucking brave leap to step away from this cycle.from this cacoonyour in.
At least u no this pain and loneliness...but our there it's big and scary and full of what ifs.
But do you want to continue like this.feeling this way.
If you like them go.ir could be innocent it could be not so.bur are they good people?who if you let your fairs down you could have a pleasant time with?
If not go meet another friend.but start doing stuff for you.as you 're.start going back out there and seeing the world doesn't hate you and neither should you.
Hiding away,shrinking,berating yourself is making you lonely op.and perpetuating each sad belief.

You expected to be high on your list, and you've discovered you aren't. Not much you can do about that now. But you could choose to go anyway, and think that it's nice that they decided they wanted you there, out of all the possible other people that they didn't choose to invite. You could then realise they are fun people to be with, your fun side might come out, you end up feeling closer to them and better about yourself and another time, you end up higher on their list. Or you could decide that you think you are much more interesting and exciting than they appreciate, that it's rude that they didn't see how great you are, and you are going to wait til they realise this, teaching them a lesson by not going, and wait until they put you at the top of their list for another time. One of those methods might be more effective than the othr.

You have made some points that are reasonable but you haven't mentioned spending money on travel, etc. That features in my list of why I don't want to bother going. Not to mention turning up and coping with being single.

I know many couples and several divorced and widowed women. In my experience couples don't stick to each others' sides at social occasions. People just mingle and talk to each other.

If the people you know are all coupley coupley with each other I can understand why you wouldn't want to go. I didn't know that going to the party would involve great expense.

Well about £100 which for me is a lot.

Well the fact it is going to cost you £100 is something of a drip feed.

I presume many other posters were thinking the same as me, that it was local friends and the party was somewhere nearby.

OP you clearly don't want to go, so don't go. It's not a big deal. It is certainly no skin off the nose of anyone on this thread.

Stay at home and sulk, as a pp said, and accept that if you don't go to things when you are invited, then people will stop inviting you. Which is fine if you don't want to socialise, although seems at odds with some of what you have previously posted.

If you consider attending a party is "putting yourself out", then it probably isn't for you. Personally, even when I get an invitation for something that would be nigh on impossible for me to get to, I still think "Oh, that was nice of them to invite me" rather than "Why should I put myself out for you" <-- that is such an odd mindset.
The way I see it is that someone thinks enough of you to ask you to come to their 'do' and that is a nice thing. If you want to go, then go. If you don't, then don't, but don't try and make out you are doing them a favour by gracing them with your presence.

Well about £100 which for me is a lot.

That's quite the drip feed.

I don't see why. I wasn't asking you to help me decide. I was asking if you would be offended. It has probably been a helpful reality check. Apart from that I see the invitee no differently. I knew we weren't best friends.

But that just it. I don't think the way I was invited was nice.