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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want a family of 4 coming to stay 2 weeks before baby is due?

209 replies

ReadytoShip · 05/07/2022 11:29

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my first, I am absolutely knackered as I'm not sleeping at night anymore due to PGP, severe back and hip pain, sciatica, weeing 11 x a night...you get the drift.

I'm finally due to go on maternity leave next Friday, I have a planned c section booked in for 02nd August. Due to work being so busy for both DH and I and DH having to oversee a new project in Europe over the last 6 weeks, plus the fact that the nursery has basically been a renovation job, we haven't really been able to get stuff ready for the baby.

My plan for when I go off on maternity leave is to start getting everything ready and also rest as I am just utterly exhausted now and feel unable to function most days.

BIL has now suggested that him, his wife and their 2 young children come to stay for 4 days from the 25th-28th July.

They are lovely, we've had them to stay a few times before but it is so full on with the 2 young children and it's me constantly running around, tidying up, putting things away, making up the bedrooms etc. I just cannot face doing that at the moment and the thought of having to give up 4 days to entertain them all, especially in the evenings when all I want to be doing is nesting and relaxing makes me want to weep.

I said this to DH and he agreed and basically said to BIL that due to all of the above, it just won't be possible to have them to stay so close to my due date.

BIL didn't react well (which is unlike him) he said that this is the second time they've holidayed in the area (we live in a touristy area) and not been able to stay with us and that I'm being 'a bit precious' he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay. Apparently he has huffily just texted DH to say they've booked an air b n b now for those days here.

For context, they came down at Easter but we had no kitchen as it had been knocked out and we were waiting for the new one to be installed, the house was a building site and it really wasn't very safe for 2 young children, plus, we had no kitchen! It was bad enough us having to deal with that for 3 weeks, let alone add anyone else into the mix too! To be fair they were understanding that time and again, just booked into an air b n b.

I now feel really guilty that they feel we don't want them staying here, we saw a lot of them at Easter even though they weren't staying here and obviously we'll try and see them as much as possible this time too, even if it's more DH and me.

AIBU and overly precious as suggested? I'm just honestly in so much pain, so irritable and snappy and I just can't deal with the thought of having guests, especially those with 2, boisterous young children a week before my c section.

OP posts:
maslinpan · 05/07/2022 11:31

Your BIL is being completely thoughtless. But then he's never experienced pregnancy, so he can go boil his head.

LividLaVidaLoca · 05/07/2022 11:32

Your BIL is insane, and you are insane for questioning yourself.

Tell him to get fucked and enjoy your nesting.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2022 11:33

Don’t you dare feel guilty. And if there’s ever a time to be precious - which you’re not at all - it’s when you’re that pregnant and about to birth a whole human being, have a major operation, and change your life forever.

BIL is an entitled idiot. Put him from your mind and task your DH with keeping him in check.

Do whatever you like over these next few weeks and best of luck with everything.

HannahSternDefoe · 05/07/2022 11:33

It's not you, it's your BIL wanting a "free" holiday.

user1471457751 · 05/07/2022 11:34

They don't want to come and see you. That want to use your house as free accommodation to visit a touristy area. Don't feel guilty about putting yourselves first .

murasaki · 05/07/2022 11:34

You are entirely reasonable, as you were last time. Is he really coming to see you or the area, and to get a bit of free childcare? Is your DH on board with you as he should be so close to a major operation?
.

tigerbear · 05/07/2022 11:35

Honestly OP, just ignore him. You owe him nothing. Your DH needs to tell him that neither of you should feel guilted into anything at such a stressful time.

onanotherday · 05/07/2022 11:35

YANBU BIL is probably put out he has to put his hand in his pocket to pay for an Air bnb.
Shame he wasn't offering to decorate the nursery for you .
Feet up and enjoy this precious time and good luck with the baby.💐

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 05/07/2022 11:35

A lot of people would struggle with 4 hoyse guests, pregnant or not, building work or not.

What if you had gone into labour for example? Perfectly possible at 38 weeks.

Tree543 · 05/07/2022 11:36

HannahSternDefoe · 05/07/2022 11:33

It's not you, it's your BIL wanting a "free" holiday.

This. He just wants to save money and couldnt care less about you.

ResentfulLemon · 05/07/2022 11:36

YANBU.

They aren't coming to visit you, they're coming for a holiday and wanting free accomodation, maid and chef. No wonder your BIL is pissed off, you're costing him money. He's utterly out of order complaining about that.

If I were your husband I'd bounce back with something along those lines, they aren't arranging a time that works for both families for a visit - they're arranging a time during peak holiday season to visit you for free in a popular tourist destination. Frankly they're lucky you've previously been so accommodating!

Hope the next couple of weeks go to plan and you get plenty of rest.

YukoandHiro · 05/07/2022 11:36

You're definitely not being unreasonable.

Tell your DH to get his shit together and tell his bro that it's not possible. If he fails this and they do end up coming, do NOTHING. Make your DH do all the food, tidying up after kids etc. Take yourself off for lots of naps, say you feel unwell/exhausted etc and just excuse yourself from the whole thing. You do need to rest now. Listen to your body.

JoanCandy · 05/07/2022 11:37

I used to live in a touristy area and had this from time to time with people wanting to visit and stay for a 'free' holiday but our place was tiny !
They are being very unreasonable.
Let them stay at the AirBnB, good on your OH for agreeing with you. Make sure you duck out of a few planned trips so that they realise you're exhausted and need your rest !

staceyflack · 05/07/2022 11:39

Your bils a knob. Ignore. Enjoy some 'you time' whilst you can. Best of luck 💐

Blueswedeshoes · 05/07/2022 11:40

As others have pointed out, it’s the holiday in the area you live in that he wants, and wants to save himself some money.
If you didn’t live in a tourist spot, would he be so put out if he and his family didn’t get to stay with you? I bet he wouldn’t.

YANBU

PragmaticWench · 05/07/2022 11:41

Suggest they come to stay when your baby is a couple of months old instead (make it 2 nights max). I imagine they won't be so interested as the weather won't be so good, which would be telling.

GreenRainbowSun · 05/07/2022 11:41

You are not being precious at all.
They are being inconsiderate even asking so close to your due date. For all you know the baby could arrive then.

Mochudubh · 05/07/2022 11:45

Do you get on with his wife? If she's had 2 kids herself surely she'd understand how unreasonable it is to expect to stay. Could you have a chat with her woman to woman as it were?

ManateeFair · 05/07/2022 11:47

BIL can fuck off. The end.

sunglassesonthetable · 05/07/2022 11:47

It was fine for them to ask and fine for you to say no.

Your reasons are totally valid. You need a bit of time and space. And you need to get stuff done! I'd have been exactly the same.

BiL is being really inconsiderate and arsy, making a fuss. And since he's got kids - a very short memory.

SoftSheen · 05/07/2022 11:48

YANBU at all. They can stay in a hotel, you can meet up during the day, maybe have them over for lunch if you feel like it.

MzHz · 05/07/2022 11:48

If you moved somewhere that WASNT a summer holiday destination, I’d bet my hulking great big house on the fact that you’d NEVER see them…

he’s banking on you for a freebie. The comment “this is the second time we’ve holidayed in your area that you’ve not allowed us to stay” is jaw droppingly rude!

don’t invite them to stay again, and seeing as they know how Airbnb works, they can make their own holiday plans freely without any need to worry about what you’re doing/not doing.

Serenity45 · 05/07/2022 11:49

YANBU and your BIL sounds like an entitled prick

Lovetogarden2022 · 05/07/2022 11:49

You are 100% in the right here! It's your BIL problem - not yours!

ManateeFair · 05/07/2022 11:52

Frankly, even if someone was having the easiest pregnancy in the world, I wouldn’t ask to go and stay with her two weeks before their due date. It’s just really inconsiderate. She might go into labour at any minute and I would also assume she’d want to be relaxing, prepping baby stuff etc.