To not want a family of 4 coming to stay 2 weeks before baby is due?

[ReadytoShip]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my first, I am absolutely knackered as I'm not sleeping at night anymore due to PGP, severe back and hip pain, sciatica, weeing 11 x a night...you get the drift.

I'm finally due to go on maternity leave next Friday, I have a planned c section booked in for 02nd August. Due to work being so busy for both DH and I and DH having to oversee a new project in Europe over the last 6 weeks, plus the fact that the nursery has basically been a renovation job, we haven't really been able to get stuff ready for the baby.

My plan for when I go off on maternity leave is to start getting everything ready and also rest as I am just utterly exhausted now and feel unable to function most days.

BIL has now suggested that him, his wife and their 2 young children come to stay for 4 days from the 25th-28th July.

They are lovely, we've had them to stay a few times before but it is so full on with the 2 young children and it's me constantly running around, tidying up, putting things away, making up the bedrooms etc. I just cannot face doing that at the moment and the thought of having to give up 4 days to entertain them all, especially in the evenings when all I want to be doing is nesting and relaxing makes me want to weep.

I said this to DH and he agreed and basically said to BIL that due to all of the above, it just won't be possible to have them to stay so close to my due date.

BIL didn't react well (which is unlike him) he said that this is the second time they've holidayed in the area (we live in a touristy area) and not been able to stay with us and that I'm being 'a bit precious' he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay. Apparently he has huffily just texted DH to say they've booked an air b n b now for those days here.

For context, they came down at Easter but we had no kitchen as it had been knocked out and we were waiting for the new one to be installed, the house was a building site and it really wasn't very safe for 2 young children, plus, we had no kitchen! It was bad enough us having to deal with that for 3 weeks, let alone add anyone else into the mix too! To be fair they were understanding that time and again, just booked into an air b n b.

I now feel really guilty that they feel we don't want them staying here, we saw a lot of them at Easter even though they weren't staying here and obviously we'll try and see them as much as possible this time too, even if it's more DH and me.

AIBU and overly precious as suggested? I'm just honestly in so much pain, so irritable and snappy and I just can't deal with the thought of having guests, especially those with 2, boisterous young children a week before my c section.

Echoing what everyone else has said - YADNBU. At the end of my pregnancies I just wanted to be left alone. People kept wanting to pop in and see me before baby arrived and even making coffees and tidying up after them felt like a slog! I certainly wouldn't have wanted anyone staying and your in laws should respect that. I do think you need to be firmer going forward as it doesn't sound like their expectations fit with yours and you will find it a lot more stressful hosting them with a new baby. Fwiw I hate people staying over. You feel like you're on host duty all the time and it's draining. Plus I like my own space. Some people are just like that and it's fine.

100% YANBU. Stick to your guns - it is unreasonable for them to expect to stay with you.

We live in a touristy area and have had to make it very, very clear to some family members that it is our home, not a holiday rental / airbnb.

It's nice to be able to invite people to stay and do nice things, but a few of the outlaws started expecting to use us literally like a bnb, just sleeping here to enable them to have a holiday. They'd expect to be waited on hand and foot - even when I had a young baby.

Stop worrying this - no good for you or baby.

As this is your first baby, you do not yet have your own experience to guide you so take the path of superlative self-care, plenty of stress-free rest, relaxation & nurturing until the birth & afterwards as a new mum.

That means no dingbat self-serving cheapskate rellies imposing themselves on you & your DH, looking for free lodgings, dumping their kids & mucking up your lives.

You are the important person in this.
Your house, your pregnancy, your family, your life (in no particular order) - your rules. There is no negotiation about this with BiL & PILs.

It is DH’s job to tell them NO & keep them at bay.
If they book accommodation nearby at their own expense, so be it.
Maybe you & DH visit them there, maybe they make you a nice lunch so that you can put your feet up.

@ReadytoShip if DH’s family are used to bulldozing their way into people’s lives, then you & DH need, for your future sanities & family life, to respond to their ‘requests’ or rather orders with a sentence that begins & ends with ‘No’.
Start practicing this technique now, it’s particularly useful around Christmas, birthdays & summer holidays.

Your BIL is a jerk to invite his family (with young children) and then act huffy when he's told it's not a good time. I wouldn't appreciate that at any time. The fact that you'll be 2 weeks before your due date just makes him come across as an idiot. His wife should have put him straight. Of course a heavily pregnant woman doesn't want all that extra work, unless she's suggested it herself.

He should be ashamed of himself for acting like a spoilt brat.

Don't respond, you dh can stick up for you. Absolutely reasonable to want to have the house to yourself just before baby comes. It's not outside the realms of possibility that baby could be born then too. Very thoughtless of them.

He's just annoyed that your free B&B is currently closed, the entitled fool.
Don't feel guilty, feel pleased you drew a boundary and enjoy your peace and rest.

Ah, I'd missed the part about BIL's wife being just as bad as he is, if not worse...

PP are right. It's your husband's family, so he can sort it out. Try not to worry, because you are definitely not in the wrong here. Your husband's family's wishes are not more important than yours, so don't be afraid to tell your husband what is and isn't okay with you. They'll have to accept that not everyone operates the same way they do, and they can't force you to do things their way. They're adults; they'll survive the disappointment of not being able to barge in and completely take over your life whenever it suits them.

yeah no. Stand firm. BIL can eff off. Some people have no sense whatsoever when it comes to thrusting themselves on people. Do you ever stay with BIL and his wife? Maybe when you have the baby suggest a stay and then take over his house with all your baby paraphernalia and demand quiet time during naps and special meals etc, give them a taste of their own medicine!!

What a bloody cheek! Your bil sounds like he enjoys free holidays at yours. I can understand him asking as your family but to get huffy when you have given him a reasonable explanation, he shot himself in the foot if it was my bil I wouldn't be inviting them to stay anytime soon.

"seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay."

Well the answer to that is - "Yes, correct."

And leave it at that. Honestly I'd be telling them to piss off if they think their free holiday is more important than your wellbeing.

This is outrageous. No way would I be inviting myself and my whole family to stay at someone else's house days before they're about to give birth. They're being totally unreasonable.

Some brother in laws seem to have form for this. I remember exactly the same thing happening with my brother in law and he even asked if I could sleep in the summer house heavily pregnant so that he could use our master bed. I do sometimes wonder if it is some kind of subconscious sabotage.

He can fuck off to the far side of fuck

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest.

Your house is not a free holiday home for your BIL and his family. You've been very generous so far. But now they need to find somewhere else to stay.

Out of interest, do you ever go and stay with them?

Hold your ground. He is being preposterous.

Just because you live in a tourist area doesn’t mean you have to offer free board and lodgings for anyone who wants the stay . How dare they even suggest this as you commence your maternity leave .
Stand your ground OP, they are being completely selfish !

Just say No.

Can I just say that as a family of 4 we never put ourselves on any family and are well aware no one want a family of 4 descending on them- this is what airbnb is for surely? Only grandparents have any desire to put up their families of 4 and even they often have no desire.

Can all families reading this appreciate this and just stop trying to save money by putting on people by staying with them when they do trips?

Budget for paying for accommodation do not expect others to work to facilitate your holiday please. It is just too much for most people to have 4 extra people in their homes- we had 5 people we met once take up my husband's misguided overly polite offer you are welcome to stay offer- they jumped on it and said they would come the next week and what a nightmare bunch of fruglateers they were- it was all about saving money so they could shop every day so essentially expecting us to cook every night for them and I had a toddler and they were the insufferable type that went on about how much their properties in Australia were worth....never again.They were then rude about our rental home I remember saying it was not up to the standard of their beautiful homes in OZ. Expected airport runs as well as wanting to get rid of their rental car so we could chauffeur them around. Managed a hard No on that one thankfully in spite of their offended faces that we could not help them save money there.

My husband has form for making generous offers like this in a compulsive way so I have to coach him relentlessly before we see distant unmet large family linked relatives.

he said that this is the second time they've holidayed in the area (we live in a touristy area) and not been able to stay with us and that I'm being 'a bit precious' he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay.

Why on earth would he expect or assume to invite himself to your house for a free holiday regardless of the obviously insane notion that your about to pop so shouldnt be hosting.

He sounds like a grade A moocher.

My brother has never once stayed or asked to stay at my house nor me at his.

Your BIL is an entitled wanker & a CFer expecting a free holiday. They have DCs, he absolutely has no excuse for not understanding why now is a shitty time to expect to stay with you. He owes you & your DH an apology

Stand your ground.

They HAVE children so they know exactly what it's like at the end of pregnancy and how tired/uncomfortable you are. The selfish scrotes don't care a fig about you, your baby, or anything but getting a free holiday with babysitting thrown in.

After that performance I wouldn't have them in the house.

Your ILs are very rude to assume they can stay with you anytime, just because you live in a nice touristy area. It would put me off wanting to spend any time with them moving forward.

I'm only 25 weeks pregnant and can't think of anything worse than having people to stay in my home now, nevermind 4 weeks away from birth. I also get v little sleep from hip pain etc, so dealing with other people 24/7 would be awful.

You need to do some streamlining in the bedroom furniture department - get rid of the spare bed(s) - and repurpose at least one into a nursery and one into a walk-in wardrobe
(They won't want to sleep on the floor, will they?)
Going forwards, your DH needs to remind them that they've booked a really nice Airbnb more than once, so they'll need to pass the details on to your PILs.

The fact that he even asked to come and stay so close to your due date is absolutely baffling. Good for you and your husband for putting your foot down. Enjoy your maternity leave and a will deserved rest before the baby.

"I'm only 25 weeks pregnant and can't think of anything worse than having people to stay in my home now, nevermind 4 weeks away from birth. "

They want to stay 25-28th July.
Op is having a c-section on 2nd August.
It really is taking the piss.

It's incredible how entitled they are. It's interesting how popular you become when you live in a tourist area. I cannot believe they feel it's acceptable to plonk themselves down in the house of a woman who's shortly to give birth. Your DH must tell everyone that nobody will be staying with you for the foreseeable.

Your IL’s sound batshit.

you did the right thing by refusing to host them in the run up to the birth of your baby. What sane person even thinks that’s a reasonable request.

your BIL & wife are upset they’re not get a free place to stay with free childcare thrown in.

if they descend on you post birth, I’d just get up and go to bed when you’re tired or need to feed baby (if you’re nursing), I wouldn’t care what is nice for them, I’d be doing exactly what suits me and is comfortable for me and helping me.

you need to learn to care less what they think or feel if it puts you out.