To not want a family of 4 coming to stay 2 weeks before baby is due?

[ReadytoShip]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my first, I am absolutely knackered as I'm not sleeping at night anymore due to PGP, severe back and hip pain, sciatica, weeing 11 x a night...you get the drift.

I'm finally due to go on maternity leave next Friday, I have a planned c section booked in for 02nd August. Due to work being so busy for both DH and I and DH having to oversee a new project in Europe over the last 6 weeks, plus the fact that the nursery has basically been a renovation job, we haven't really been able to get stuff ready for the baby.

My plan for when I go off on maternity leave is to start getting everything ready and also rest as I am just utterly exhausted now and feel unable to function most days.

BIL has now suggested that him, his wife and their 2 young children come to stay for 4 days from the 25th-28th July.

They are lovely, we've had them to stay a few times before but it is so full on with the 2 young children and it's me constantly running around, tidying up, putting things away, making up the bedrooms etc. I just cannot face doing that at the moment and the thought of having to give up 4 days to entertain them all, especially in the evenings when all I want to be doing is nesting and relaxing makes me want to weep.

I said this to DH and he agreed and basically said to BIL that due to all of the above, it just won't be possible to have them to stay so close to my due date.

BIL didn't react well (which is unlike him) he said that this is the second time they've holidayed in the area (we live in a touristy area) and not been able to stay with us and that I'm being 'a bit precious' he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay. Apparently he has huffily just texted DH to say they've booked an air b n b now for those days here.

For context, they came down at Easter but we had no kitchen as it had been knocked out and we were waiting for the new one to be installed, the house was a building site and it really wasn't very safe for 2 young children, plus, we had no kitchen! It was bad enough us having to deal with that for 3 weeks, let alone add anyone else into the mix too! To be fair they were understanding that time and again, just booked into an air b n b.

I now feel really guilty that they feel we don't want them staying here, we saw a lot of them at Easter even though they weren't staying here and obviously we'll try and see them as much as possible this time too, even if it's more DH and me.

AIBU and overly precious as suggested? I'm just honestly in so much pain, so irritable and snappy and I just can't deal with the thought of having guests, especially those with 2, boisterous young children a week before my c section.

Agree with "it's ridiculous he's asking and it's ridiculous that you're even wondering if YABU".

Of course you are not being precious or unreasonable. 'Lovely' people do not inflict themselves on a pregnant woman who is about to pop in order to grab a free holiday. As for the giving up your evenings to entertain, just say no. This is a time when your needs come first. The only person who should feel guilty is the BiL. Who sounds somewhat precious himself

DH should reply to huffy text about booking into Air bnb with a breezy: “That’s great.” And then leave BIL to have his little tantrum while you carry on with your lives.

They sound annoying tbh. They aren't entitled to stay just because they like the location!!!

You’re not being unreasonable- but your BIL is right, you don’t want them to stay.

Don't message anyone. Leave it to your DH to handle - they're his family. Feel no guilt whatsover about freeloaders looking for holiday accommodation.

I have a BIL (family of four) like this who we did allow to stay with us twice before we declined all further visits. Both times they were noisy, messy and expected to be waited on hand and foot. Both times they broke something expensive and flooded two bathroom floors. I also caught BIL going around fiddling with all of our heating sensors because he was too hot (he seemed to have forgotten that he was a guest not a resident). Nowadays anytime they say that they would like to visit we just offer a 'pop in if you're passing' but nothing more.

Don't feel guilty. The cheeky git is just trying to save money and have extra hands on deck for his own kids. Let him strop and if he says anything, tell him he's a cheeky fucker for even entertaining the idea.

You are not being precious at all. Your BIL is being a complete dick. It's a big ask of someone at anytime let alone when you're days off giving birth.

Given they have 2 small children themselves, I'm surprised they were so clueless.

Don't you dare feel guilty! YANBU!
And don't message anyone, let your dp handle them.

Your BIL is a CF! How can anyone in their right mind think that would be OK and then be an arse about it when it's pointed out. His attitude would seriously put me off inviting them again, ever.

He has mistaken your home for his own personal holiday home.

In short he’s aCF. Tell them you’ll look forward to catching up in July and will be sure to invite them when you are ready. In future remember that word…. Invite. It works when someone asks someone else to join them. You do not invite yourself.

I went into labour very suddenly at 35 weeks so it would be a no from me!

this is the second time they've holidayed in the area (we live in a touristy area) and not been able to stay with us and that I'm being 'a bit precious'

This screams at me. They want a cheap holiday. They don't accept that your house being a building site, it is unsuitable for 2 smallies. They don't understand that - not 2 weeks but less than a WEEK before your MAJOR SURGERY at the exhausted end of what sounds like a fairly busy pregnancy - you cannot accommodate 4 additional guests (which I assume would involve YOU cleaning the house, making up beds, buying extra food, thinking up entertainment, preparing and serving that food, and also not being able to just relax and unwind in your own home....) - just screams of male entitlement.

BIL wants a cheap holiday (to see you guys and have a nice break - I am giving the benefit of the doubt) before you have another smallie, so may be considering that you cannot host AFTER the birth. But, either he forgets or was never made aware of what the end of PG is really like, and his life may be very different (no judgement - but it sounds like you and DH have a full-on life and with a major renovation it's been hectic - whereas if you haven't done that in your own house, you don't realise how disruptive a renovation can be nor how wearing jobs with a lot of travel or solo parenting can be on you both).

Can you talk directly to SIL and let her know the reality - that you are only just finished major works and still getting rid of the dust and dirt and putting shape back on the house. That you have had a very busy time at work and it won't stop until you go on leave. That DH is travelling so much that a lot of things have been on you alone and you need to take some time out to slow down and recover yourself before DBaby arrives. And that they are planning to visit in the week before you not just have a baby and all the disruption that brings, but it is a planned section so major surgery and you know you can't lift etc after it so need to prepare ahead of time at home (food shopping, batch cooking - and having nursery prepared). You just don't have the energy to turn around and turn the house into guest accommodation on this occasion, be the wonderful hostess you normally are, and to then do all the cleaning etc once they are gone.

I understand your view completely Op, just because they're family doesn't mean they should always be welcome. They should ask first if it's OK not just expect to turn up when they like and your two refusals were perfectly fine.
I think for the sake of future relations I'd try to get DH onboard with this, he tells his family they have to ask, not assume, and if they sulk, tough luck.

’TBH BiL we’re struggling a bit not to take offence at you inviting yourselves to stay, and trying to guilt trip us for saying no, when my wife is about to go into major surgery to have our first child, whom we have nothing ready for. It’s pretty clear you’re just pissed that we’re not providing you with free holiday accommodation and we’re quite hurt about it. Trying not to think the worst of you but honestly, feeling quite shocked by this.’

From your husband, not you.

And don’t message the wife - it indicates you’re feeling guilty which you absolutely shouldn’t be.

I wouldn't want them to stay either.

They are arseholes for trying to cajole and guilt you into this. Weird, in fact. Weird and selfish. Batten down the hatches.

I think your DH was completely in the right to say No to his brother, because the alternative would impact on you negatively and significantly. Don't text whats-her-face and don't get guilted into 'hosting' them in any way near your due date. Best of luck.

YANBU at all, in any shape or form.

BIL isn't "lovely". He's an entitled, tantrumming twat.

Dh: thanks for the offer of helping to decorate the nursery. If you wanted to spend time with us that much, perhaps communicate in advance so you are NOT coming when we have no kitchen or when ready is 8m pregnant? Remember how exhausting it was when we landed on you and sil was 8m pregnant and running around cooking dinner and how she went to bed for a couple of days to recover? That’s right, you don’t, because we wouldn’t pull that kind of crap on you.

thats what he should send his brother.

He wants a free holiday and help with looking after his kids. Stand firm. Having a family with kids coming to stay is hard work. The prep - bed sheets, meals, entertainment , mess, squealing kids. Enjoy the relax before your baby comes.

Have they invited you over?

Actually the more I think about it, the more I could see my husbands family suggesting something similar.

Basically they don't see any obstacle as being a barrier to what they want. They don't consider anyone else's comfort or feelings particularly. Would happily impose when the time isn't right etc.

People like this need it spelling out to them. I'm sure they will still act like the wounded party but it might make you feel better. Should definitely come from your husband though. Don't get involved.

What!! Tell them them it's totally inappropriate. I have a similar hideous story. I'll post it later as I'm at work simar CHERYL. Some people have absolutely NO shame.

No your not especially when they're not pulling they're wait and you heavily pregnant. I think it's very cheeky with the circumstances to use your home as a free holiday. Do they contribute to food etc. They should be running around after they're children. You aren't running a B&B.

I guess I am also starting to worry about IL’s expectations once the baby is here too. I know I need to relax and just play it by ear once we’re settled into a routine with the baby, but right now, the thought of having the 4 of them to stay whilst we have a young baby just fills me with dread to be honest.

A lot of the visits in the past have (understandably) revolved around their DC and their nap/ feeding schedules but they’re going to be a lot older than our baby and I’m anticipating that our routine may not necessarily align with theirs. Also the thought of being constantly sleep deprived and having to host 4 people just fills me with horror.

I know this isn’t something to be discussed/ sorted now but I am worried a bit for the future as I doubt it’ll be long after the baby’s arrival that they’ll want to start coming down and staying again.

People's pregnancies are all different. This would have been fine for me (we had similar situation actually), but you are perfectly entitled to say it won't work. Just make sure you let them stay next time!

I'm not at all precious about pregnancy or childbirth but your BiL is being totally unreasonable and a bit of a twat tbh. Just relax as much as you can for the next few weeks, you deserve it and it's better for your baby.