To not want a family of 4 coming to stay 2 weeks before baby is due?

[ReadytoShip]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my first, I am absolutely knackered as I'm not sleeping at night anymore due to PGP, severe back and hip pain, sciatica, weeing 11 x a night...you get the drift.

I'm finally due to go on maternity leave next Friday, I have a planned c section booked in for 02nd August. Due to work being so busy for both DH and I and DH having to oversee a new project in Europe over the last 6 weeks, plus the fact that the nursery has basically been a renovation job, we haven't really been able to get stuff ready for the baby.

My plan for when I go off on maternity leave is to start getting everything ready and also rest as I am just utterly exhausted now and feel unable to function most days.

BIL has now suggested that him, his wife and their 2 young children come to stay for 4 days from the 25th-28th July.

They are lovely, we've had them to stay a few times before but it is so full on with the 2 young children and it's me constantly running around, tidying up, putting things away, making up the bedrooms etc. I just cannot face doing that at the moment and the thought of having to give up 4 days to entertain them all, especially in the evenings when all I want to be doing is nesting and relaxing makes me want to weep.

I said this to DH and he agreed and basically said to BIL that due to all of the above, it just won't be possible to have them to stay so close to my due date.

BIL didn't react well (which is unlike him) he said that this is the second time they've holidayed in the area (we live in a touristy area) and not been able to stay with us and that I'm being 'a bit precious' he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay. Apparently he has huffily just texted DH to say they've booked an air b n b now for those days here.

For context, they came down at Easter but we had no kitchen as it had been knocked out and we were waiting for the new one to be installed, the house was a building site and it really wasn't very safe for 2 young children, plus, we had no kitchen! It was bad enough us having to deal with that for 3 weeks, let alone add anyone else into the mix too! To be fair they were understanding that time and again, just booked into an air b n b.

I now feel really guilty that they feel we don't want them staying here, we saw a lot of them at Easter even though they weren't staying here and obviously we'll try and see them as much as possible this time too, even if it's more DH and me.

AIBU and overly precious as suggested? I'm just honestly in so much pain, so irritable and snappy and I just can't deal with the thought of having guests, especially those with 2, boisterous young children a week before my c section.

You did the right think. Your BIL should not have even asked you. Even without the strain of a family staying so close to your due date there is the added risk of you catching a bug from them. Your BIL is selfish.

Yeah, they're really inconsiderate. Honestly, who does that? Presumably you live somewhere that other tourists need to pay for and BIL thought they'd get a cheap holiday. Well done for standing your ground!

Sorry if you've already answered this, but do you ever go and stay at theirs and the world then revolves around you? I'm guessing not as often.

You are not being precious at all. But don't get involved in the drama. It's not your problem or your fault. Leave it all to your husband. It sounds like he's got your back.

1000000% this.

So, your BiL is keeping tabs then on the number of times he's asked to stay and you've had to turn him down? Spin that around and reply that he's asked twice, and both times you were not able to host for perfectly valid reasons. The fact that he's throwing a hissy fit over this that you're certainly not going to be rolling out the welcome mat when baby does arrive and uncle, aunt and cousins will want to visit so they had better arrange with the AirBnB place a very good rate so that they can return when the time is right.

Chancers.

Even if your BIL hasn't a clue, your SIL should.

Why, why should make sure she let's them stay next time.

What if it's never suitable for them to stay in the house again. Is it so bad for them to book an Air B&B and just socialise together.

She is under no obligation to accommodate ever again, if she doesn't want to

This wouldn't have worked for me I had DS at 36 weeks, completely unexpected. They're being very unreasonable

Your BIL is going to do this again and again. He is using you for free lodging. If he cares about visiting you, the conversation would have been, “we would love to come for a visit soon, let’s find a date that works for all of us” or “we want to visit, but know pregnancy and a new baby is a busy time so we will be booking a hotel”

It is quite obvious they just want free holiday accommodation and they are angry about the expense rather than not seeing you. Your DH should suggest meeting for a meal one evening whilst they are in the area and leave it at that.

Mat leave before you have the baby, especially with a first, is such a precious time. YANBU to not be dealing with guests.

It sounds like they are annoyed they are not getting a free holiday! Its far too much for you to have them stay that close to your c section. You should be resting as much as possible then.
Once your baby is here, remember to relax and take it easy! C section is major surgery and adapting to life as a new mum can be hard so take everything at your own speed and just ignore any rude comments! Your family comes first!

I agree with you @MrMrsJones . Why on earth should OP 'make sure she lets them stay next time'? What is she, a doormat? She doesn't want to.

And for the poster who suggested that she moves out of her own home to let the cheeky fucker family stay with her DH - again, why should she? She doesn't want to.

She wants to get her house and nursery ready, in her way, in her time, resting up when she needs to without extra stress and work. Why can't what she have what she wants? She's not anybody's servant / slave. She's an adult with needs and wants and she has clearly and reasonably expressed them. And that's absolutely fine.

Tough shit. It’s not a discussion, they aren’t staying. He sounds rude and entitled. As others have said then he’s never been pregnant so can’t know how you feel

as a family in general they're very close (we have the same issue with PIL wanting to come and stay all the time too) so I do think they'd want to come anyway. They're just very claustrophobic

My DH's family are like this too and seemed to think they were entitled to overstep my boundaries because 'that's how this family is'. There was deathly silence in the room the day I pointed out that it's not how my family is and that we would all get along better if everyone tried to consider each other's differences.

I genuinely don't think they'd ever thought about the fact that not all families are the same and it has improved since then. I do make an effort with them too though, like you OP I have no desire to put distance between them and DH and I think they see that now they understand where I'm coming from.

That's a conversation for another day though, if DH needs to say anymore he should point out that it's very unfair for BIL to take offence when baby could come early and you are exhausted and having no kitchen is a pretty strong reason for not having people to stay! DH could try getting huffy and offended that BIL is huffy and offended maybe, should be fine if that's how things are done in their family, right?

Wow who the hell brings their family to stay when someone is just about to give birth. Yanbu and he sounds like an inconsiderate twat. Good on your dh for not backing down. It will be a nightmare as well as two noisy kids around, the last thing you want days before you give birth. Leave him to his hissy fit, he should be embarrassed to have even asked in the first place.

Nip this in the bud now. Just no, that doesn't work for us. And repeat.

‘Sorry, BIL, I will be very heavily pregnant and I’m already exhausted. I’m sure you will understand.’

You are being too nice , stop questioning yourself. Everybody’s pregnancy is different , done have it worse than others , if you’re tired you’re tired!!!
he’s being a thoughtless tit, I would hope your SIL is not involved, but if she’s on his side then that’s atrocious as she should know better herself

Why is your brother in law getting stroppy about it? He’s being a dick and he knows it, tell him to get a free holiday somewhere else the selfish cheeky get.

Its a big eff off from me. Thoughtless git who has shown his true colours.

So he found cheap accomodation in touristy area (it costs him probabbly a bottle of whisky) and is getting stroppy because you said no. He's BU.

I think that some people forget that when it's your home, you dictate when/how/why people come to stay, especially for holidays. We had this with me and also DM (1 hour approx from central London) with people wanting to stay, because near to touristy stuff.

In holiday homes (by sea and abroad) similar - though the holiday home abroad we would always invite people over, we got friends 'visiting' or inviting themselves to stay (they said no if not possible) or trying to if parents were staying for long periods but one was a close unhappily married woman.

I'd never do this and it's so rude. Especially when you have major home renovations or are about to give birth!

You can bet he'd never try this on if you lived in sunny Croydon! And I'm sure he wouldn't be so willing to open his house doors in similar circumstances!

Good your DH is having your back but ignore BIL.

@MrMrsJones maybe I'm in the minority of people who really like my family/in-laws and enjoy sharing my home with them 🤷‍♀️ We live nowhere near any family so whenever we see them they stay with us for a week or so. It's very normal for us, including when I was heavily pregnant/due/newborn (in-laws were our childcare for 1st DC when I had our 2nd DC).
Like I said, you should of course never do something you don't want to, just trying to show another side.

Your BIL is behaving like a real CF. Anyone with small kids - as he has - would know that there are very few people who want a family of 4 descending on them right before they're about to give birth. I don't believe for a second he feels unwanted; I think he's too cheap to pay for holiday accommodation. The fact that he said it's the second time they've "holidayed" (not come to see you, help you out with renovations etc., just gone on holiday) and not been able to stay with you says it all. Good on your DH for sticking by you. Tell BIL to fuck off.