To not want a family of 4 coming to stay 2 weeks before baby is due?

[ReadytoShip]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my first, I am absolutely knackered as I'm not sleeping at night anymore due to PGP, severe back and hip pain, sciatica, weeing 11 x a night...you get the drift.

I'm finally due to go on maternity leave next Friday, I have a planned c section booked in for 02nd August. Due to work being so busy for both DH and I and DH having to oversee a new project in Europe over the last 6 weeks, plus the fact that the nursery has basically been a renovation job, we haven't really been able to get stuff ready for the baby.

My plan for when I go off on maternity leave is to start getting everything ready and also rest as I am just utterly exhausted now and feel unable to function most days.

BIL has now suggested that him, his wife and their 2 young children come to stay for 4 days from the 25th-28th July.

They are lovely, we've had them to stay a few times before but it is so full on with the 2 young children and it's me constantly running around, tidying up, putting things away, making up the bedrooms etc. I just cannot face doing that at the moment and the thought of having to give up 4 days to entertain them all, especially in the evenings when all I want to be doing is nesting and relaxing makes me want to weep.

I said this to DH and he agreed and basically said to BIL that due to all of the above, it just won't be possible to have them to stay so close to my due date.

BIL didn't react well (which is unlike him) he said that this is the second time they've holidayed in the area (we live in a touristy area) and not been able to stay with us and that I'm being 'a bit precious' he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay. Apparently he has huffily just texted DH to say they've booked an air b n b now for those days here.

For context, they came down at Easter but we had no kitchen as it had been knocked out and we were waiting for the new one to be installed, the house was a building site and it really wasn't very safe for 2 young children, plus, we had no kitchen! It was bad enough us having to deal with that for 3 weeks, let alone add anyone else into the mix too! To be fair they were understanding that time and again, just booked into an air b n b.

I now feel really guilty that they feel we don't want them staying here, we saw a lot of them at Easter even though they weren't staying here and obviously we'll try and see them as much as possible this time too, even if it's more DH and me.

AIBU and overly precious as suggested? I'm just honestly in so much pain, so irritable and snappy and I just can't deal with the thought of having guests, especially those with 2, boisterous young children a week before my c section.

Having them there when you aren't heavily pregnant would be enough stress without literally being days before your baby arriving. You should be spending the last couple of weeks having people look after you, not hosting. I'd tell him to enjoy his holiday and if he wants to pop round and provide you with lunch one day thatd be lovely, but you won't be hosting anyone. I can't belive he'd act like that when he has 2 children himself, not like he's completely clueless how hard the end of pregnancy is, surely he isn't that stupid?

'Hi BIL, would love to catch up at a mutually convenient time once the baby is here, DH has leave booked for the third week in November and second week of March next year. Let us know which suits you better. Looking forward to seeing you'

he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay.

How odd.

Unbelievable they would even ask, you are 100% right here and they are being super selfish. I have a cousin who loves in a lovely "tourist" area whom I have been meaning to visit for years which wasn't possible due to covid. A few months ago I finally meant to write to her to suggest it but when I heard from another family member that she was expecting a baby soon, I did not even ask her, the last thing a pregnant mum needs is to host visitors (unless they are coming purely to help), let alone a family of four!

Definitely NBU, does BIL know how hard it is being heavily pregnant? Surprised his wife didn’t say anything. Completely thoughtless.
Good luck with the new baby, OP 💐

Whoever voted yabu possibly hit off the wrong button by mistake. Best of luck with the baby op, definitely do not make them let you feel guilty!!

Exactly that, what a cheek of them

"Get a grip BIL. This is NOT about you or your family so stop trying to make it about you. I'm about to give birth and we don't want people around. End of discussion".

They are obviously pissed they can't get a free holiday, no matter how close the family are it's obviously down to them having to spend money. The fact your BIL is taking it personally and making it all about him would have me saying NO MORE staying in the house and force them to bet a B&B every time.

Your BIL is being massively unreasonable. You are not wrong, at all.

Tell them that, aside from it being an absolute NO for the next few YEARS because of young child/baby - as you live in a tourist area you find people like to take advantage of you but there are plenty of hotels and Bed and Breakfasts in the area and actually you do not even LIKE having people to stay at all! You dread it in fact and it affects you both psychologically , mentally, physically and financially!!

^^This
What selfish, entitled gits they are 🤬
Your DH should man up and stop acquiescing to his brother ffs.
Regardless of protestations about how much they love staying with you, I bet they wouldn’t if you were somewhere less touristy, and that goes for your PIL too. CFs, all of them.

Your BIL is bonkers. I'm surprised his wife hasn't tried to talk sense into him.

This is your time. You should be focusing on yourself, not running around after BIL and his family!

Some folk are so entitled, it's not true. Don't feel guilty @ReadytoShip and enjoy your rest before your baby is born.

Oh Holy moly no you are absolutely not being unreasonable! Bil is just pissed at not having a free holiday and is a massively unreasonable CF.

No way. Absolutely not. BIL is an entitled brat.
If he stays huffy get DH to send him this thread where he can see 99% think he can get fucked.

BIL is rude to even ask.

@Scottishgirl85 Well done you. OP has said she's working in a stressful job as is her DH up to the wire, the house is half done, and that she's fine with her BIL and SIL though suspects he's mostly a CF wanting a free base in a popular tourist area. I guess your family would give a hand, spend their holiday with two DC helping paint, tidy, providing their own food or cooking for you, making their own beds and cleaning up after themselves when they leave a week before the OP has a Caesarian. And if you said no can do, your family wouldn't huff.

P.S. have read your other posts now and your PIL are nightmares too - no mystery where BIL gets his sense of entitlement from.

Can you move away from the touristy area, preferably very far away from them? They sound claustrophobic.

Set expectations now around visiting baby, i.e. not before 2 weeks and only for the day.

Honestly, some people are just dragged up without manners and empathy. They’re being rude, so don’t feel bad about what you feel is being rude, in rejecting their visits.

I did wonder whether to message BIL's wife and just explain to her, but she is definitely the boss in that relationship and is much like BIL and PIL so I think, actually, it will be her pushing/ instigating them staying with us. She's very 'The world revolves around me and my 2 precious darlings' so I think she's offended on behalf of herself and her children. I may message her, just not sure she'll be anymore reasonable than BIL as if she'd have said 'don't be silly, Readytoship will be full term and knackered, we can't stay there' BIL will 100% not have suggested it.

Nope, no messaging, and no guilt.
Just borrow some of her attitude and decide that the world revolves around you and your own family from here on. Seriously. Sometimes you have to be selfish for your own good. I'm not suggesting that you are selfish whatsoever but you need to start putting yourself first.

"I'm being 'a bit precious' he said they're trying not to take offence but it's seeming like we just don't want to have them to stay."

Taking offence is a choice. It's not forced on them. So if they do get the huff it's a decision intended to induce guilt in you.
Don't fall for it.

Say nothing else.
This isn't a bad start at asserting a few boundaries.
Everyone knowing where the red lines are will help your relationship in the long run.

38,5 and even the thought of having somebody for tea makes me think absolutely fucking not I'm aching crabby hot and not feeling at all nice nevermind somebody stopping over, it would have to be somebody who couldn't stop in their own house and it would literally be for one night at the very most.

Before I'd finished reading the post I was going to say that I'm sure they'd understand what with having two children themselves!! But having finished reading it - I can't believe it!

Your BIL is being completely unreasonable and isn't considering how you're feeling nearing the end of your term.

I would stand your ground. You definitely don't need the stress that close to your due date.

Perhaps you should try talking to the wife instead? Just explain that you feel terrible about saying no, but reiterate what you've said and highlight that you're sure she can understand with having two kids herself.

It does sound like it's a mix of your not being comfortable with the idea of close family coming to stay in principle (whereas it's normal for them) and the need to be the perfect hostess - "it's me constantly running around, tidying up, putting things away, making up the bedrooms etc." and "the thought of having to give up 4 days to entertain them all". Why would you have to do that anyway? Why isn't DH doing that? And could you not say to them "It'll be lovely to see you, but you'll have to take us as you find us - I'm absolutely zapped, aching and grumpy so will need just to chill"?

As someone who lives in a popular area and where we have a major festival every year I feel your pain. Come the summer I get ready for the phone calls from people we never hear from otherwise looking for a freebie. One of DH's friends was a particular culprit (I have since banned him from the house, but for other reasons and way overdue). When i was pregnant with DS1 he invited himself to stay for a week that fell on my due date. DH said no because it was my due date and his response was; 'First babies are always late anyway' and when was told no a second time the response was 'but everywhere will be full up by now'.

Just FUCK OFF.

Well no, you don't want them to stay.

Doesn't mean that you don't want to see them at all if they are nearby though.

Why are you always doing stuff when they visit though?

Do they suddely forget hw to look after themselves & their kids?

No wonder they re pissed off at no being able to stay!